All Articles Tagged "baby mama"
I admit I enjoy the soap opera that is Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. This series is far from a “reality” program; however there are scenes in the show that provoke thought when it comes to issues that plague men and women every day. This past Monday’s episode left me scratching my head yet again, this time wondering: Why do “baby mamas” have this false sense of entitlement?
Let me fill you in on the background. A local ATL radio personality, Traci Steele, has a son with Chris Brown’s DJ, DJ Babey Drew. Apparently he travels a lot working, leaving little time for him to spend with his son. In order to stay local, he decides to open a sneaker store and convinces Traci to invest $25,000 into “their” business. Traci insists that she’s giving him the money for their “family” but makes it a point to say that she doesn’t want any “groupie h*es” to “benefit” from her money – whatever that means.
She decides to pop by Drew’s house unannounced in order to give him the check he’s been asking for. Well, to her surprise (not that the producer’s had anything to do with it), she finds him there with a “random” girl and goes ballistic. Even though Drew reminds Traci that they are no longer together, it seems she thought her “investment” would keep them together as a family. She goes off on him, and the poor girl who was sitting there, and storms out. As Drew follows behind her trying to understand why she’s ripping up the check, she tearfully proclaims that she never wanted to be a “baby mama,” and that he made that choice for her.
And that is where I begin scratching my head. Huh?
Let me first say this post is not to bash single mothers. I prefer to use that term rather than “baby mama,” but since Traci referred to herself as such, I’ll just go with it. There are plenty of women who never chose to be single mothers, but are holding it down nonetheless and they deserve to be respected if they’re doing it all alone.
But to say that someone made you a “baby mama” is a bit dramatic. If you are dating a man and not married to him and decide to engage in unprotected sex, there is a chance you could become pregnant. It is a woman’s choice to engage in that behavior and to deal with the consequences. Drew didn’t make her a baby mama, she chose to be one. I’m not saying that women should get abortions or give up their children for adoption so that they can’t be labeled as a “baby mama,” and I’m also not suggesting that people run out and get married in order to legitimize their children. All I’m saying is everyone has a choice when it comes to having sex and having babies. No one forces anyone to do anything.
Now Traci, that poor girl has unresolved issues. And unfortunately she isn’t the only one.
There are many women who feel that giving birth to a man’s child entitles them to the man himself. While I understand that many of them felt that they would get married, or at the very least stay together, a woman needs to understand that her status as “mother” is very different from her status as “significant other.” Once the romantic relationship ends, a woman can’t expect her child’s father to show her the same love, affection, or consideration that he would show a new love interest. The feelings simply aren’t there anymore, and if a woman still feels that he should put her first, rather than the child, then she is delusional.
There are a lot of baby mamas out there who feel that she and the child are a package deal. She may determine that if he doesn’t want her, then he can’t see or be with the child either. It’s sad, but true. She doesn’t just want him to be a father to their child. She also wants him to be her lover, her husband, her bank…her everything, even when he isn’t obligated to be anything other than a father and provider to his child(ren). The child’s mother feels this man owes her his life, when in fact all she is entitled to is his respect, his financial support for the child if she is the custodial parent, and his commitment to co-parent.
Traci’s problem, like so many other women in her situation, is she hasn’t let go and moved on. She probably felt that baby Drew was her insurance policy to keep Big Drew around. But the fact of the matter is if he doesn’t want you, no baby is going to change that. His responsibility is to his son, not to make Traci an honest woman. He doesn’t belong to her, and he can’t be bought with $25K. Traci thought she could buy a false sense of security, therefore making him feel like he “owes” her his loyalty or that he “belongs” to her somehow. Poor girl was sadly mistaken.
Ladies, if you feel that having a man’s baby should automatically make you a priority in his life, think again. His child should be his priority, and he has the right to move on once you are broken up. Relationships can end, and breaking up is hard to do. Letting go can be even more difficult. But once it’s over, you can’t expect him to be the partner you wanted him to be as far as a romantic involvement is concerned. You won’t get the same treatment you did before the relationship ended, and you shouldn’t expect it or “guilt” him into loving you the way he once did – if he ever did. It’s a hard pill to swallow I’m sure, but it’s time to grow up, move on and let go. He should be civil and respectful to you, and be willing to work with you to be a good parent – nothing more, nothing less. He can’t live his life tip toeing around you hoping that you won’t get hurt or angry. Put your big girl panties on, gain some closure and get over him. It’s a simple choice and not one that someone has to make for you.
Sorry if this ruins your new year, although it’s still 2012, so just be glad this news broke today and tomorrow you can technically say Kimye and all their dramedy is so last year.
But on to the news, last night Kanye West reportedly spilled major beans when he announced at his Revel Concert in Atlantic city that he’s upgraded (downgraded?) Kim Kardashian from girlfriend to baby mama. As the saying goes, if you like it then don’t put a Nuva Ring on it?
Kanye West just announced Kim Kardashian is pregnant!
Not long after, several blogs started looking for confirmation elsewhere and seemingly found it in these tweets from the Kardashian Krew–
Oh BABY BABY BABY!!
Im a happy girl !!!!!!!!! Wowza!
Keeping secrets is hard with so many family members! Especially when you are so freaking excited!!!!! LOVE is everything!!!!
Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can! Another angel to welcome to our family. Overwhelmed with excitement!
whos excited about the KIMYE babbyyy?! weeee
JustJared.com reports that Kim’s rep confirmed with their site that this story is in fact true and that Ye broke the news to the concert audience, saying:
“Stop the music and make noise for my baby mama,” in reference to Kim who was in the audience.
I would shade the baby mama title, but hey Kim’s been a wife twice already. I’m sure this title sounds much sweeter to the woman who, oh yes, is still technically someone else’s wife. Of course, we know how much these two — and her family — need attention so this could all be a big “we got ‘em again” ploy to force us to deflect attention from caring about our holiday and people we actually know and be all up in some random celebrities’ business, and if that’s the case, they succeeded. But this looks like the real deal — especially now that E! also confirms the report.. At least Beyonce won’t have to worry about covering up Blue Ivy anymore, there’s a new baby obsession in town.
Kim is said to be about three months pregnant.
Check out video of Kanye announcing the news during his show at the Revel Ovation Hall yesterday:
Why Are You Waiting For The New Year To Act Right? 10 Ratchet Behaviors We Should Leave Behind in 2012…Starting Now
A part of me is so happy to see 2012 leave, as long as it’s taking the “ChriannaRueche” love triangle, Joseline Hernandez, the Romney family and the Twilight series franchise with it. But seriously, something about 2012 made me completely disgusted with how African-American women are portrayed and more importantly what we prioritize. This was the year of the booty shot fails, the stripper/sideline chick/baby mama, and the ratchet. Sadly, it makes me wonder when we stopped wanting more for ourselves. It’s like I looked up and one of the best things we had going for us was the cast and crew behind Scandal. Is that all we’ve got? So not just for 2013, but starting right now, I propose our resolution be to stop engaging in the following ratchet behaviors:
1. Knowing more about Basketball Wives than Obamacare.
If you can recite the names of all the characters on Basketball Wives, but can’t tell me any of the changes the Affordable Care Act made to U.S. health insurance, I’m going to need you to turn to CNN for at least five minutes a day. When you become of age to vote, it’s definitely time to know how the economy, politics and world issues directly affect you. You don’t have to break down the details of the fiscal cliff, but your knowledge of current events and economy should go beyond what you can write off come tax season.
As a single mom you probably know the ins and outs of parenting and you’re also more than likely a master of play-dates. However, at some point in time you’ll want to go on a real date; a date for you. When you decide to start dating, you’ll probably feel nervous, excited, and anxious all at once! Here are 14 tips to get you back into the swing of dating.
Usually wives, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, and baby mamas are the ones using Social Media to out the sorry men in their lives but this weekend rapper Meek Mill had a “moment” shall we say, and took to Twitter to air his grievances with how he feels the mother of his son is playing him financially.
Peep the grammatically incorrect tweetgrams:
Anyone else feeling the ghost of Lil Scrappy upon us?
I can’t help but feel like Meek tried to pull one of those non-legal agreements we saw Scrappy and Erica had going on on “Love & Hip-Hop” with his own baby mama. He gives her enough cash, she won’t hit him with child support papers — theoretically at least. On the surface, $11,000 in one month is a lot of money. If that’s all the money she’s seen in a year or so? Not so much, especially considering what he’s bringing in as a signed artist on Maybach Music Group. But then again, child support is just that, support for the child. When you just hand over cash like that, you can’t be sure where it’s going.
Bottom line, if people are going to agree to have these types of under-the-table child support agreements to keep the court system out of their pockets, they need to at least start getting some things in writing. Otherwise, as Meek pointed out, they will in fact have their lives effed up.
What do you think about what the Philly rapper had to say on Instagram?
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If you watched “Basketball Wives last night”—and kudos if you didn’t—there were a couple of romantic scenes with Royce and her boyfriend, NFL player Dezmond Briscoe. In one scene, Royce talked about what it meant for Dez to meet her father and they both declared they were in love with each other and marriage was likely in the future. In the other, Dezmond planned a romantic dinner for Royce and then she surprised him wearing nothing but lingerie and a bath robe and they both almost forgot the cameras were there. It was sweet—and almost raunchy—but they kept it on the right side of romantic.
If you’re single, you probably thought, aww I want a man like that; if you’re in a relationship, you probably felt grateful for the man you have; if you were Dezmond’s baby mama, you would have thought, I got something to kill all of that.
Last night, out of nowhere, Christina Nero, the mother of Dezmond’s son, Dezmond Briscoe, Jr., initiated a Twitter war with Royce that she claimed stems from “hearing” Royce said some nasty things about her. After saying what she heard she dropped a little FYI that Dez had been sending her “freaky tweets.”
Not wanting to engage, and being slick at the same time, Royce ignored it, and responded, “…Hows Jr? Cant wait to meet him! ) He’s getting so big!”
That only added fuel to the fire, and after a few more exchanges, Christina posted a host of messages, allegedly from Dez, proclaiming all of the sexually explicit things he wants to do her. From the responses Christina was giving, it was clear she wasn’t on it, and since the messages were supposedly sent a month ago—although the validity of the texts is completely in question considering different font colors and the potential for fabrication—I have to ask, what’s the motivation? I can only conclude she couldn’t stand to see her ex happy and in love with someone else, especially on national TV.
From the responses she was sending to these alleged texts, I don’t think she would touch Dez with a 10-foot pole, especially if she’s the deadbeat daddy she claims he is. But something about seeing him happy and deeply in love as he proclaimed to be on last night’s show brought the hater out of her, and either she exposed suggestive texts Dez sent her or she fabricated them altogether. Either way she put the business out there publicly and on purpose to be spiteful. This situation is why I wrote a long time ago that I don’t think mistresses should confess that they’ve been sleeping with someone’s man—it always has the wrong motive, which means they always do it in the worst way. Even if Dez did send these texts, putting them on Twitter for everybody to see says I’m still bitter and I’m not over you, or if I’m not happy with someone else, I don’t want you to be either.
This stunt is hardly unique to the BBW crew. Though some women are more than happy to see an old boyfriend move on, I’ve seen my own friends engage in Facebook battles, putting up old profile pictures with their exes to upset the next girl, knowing they didn’t want anything else to do with that man, but they didn’t want him to be happy either. In the end, they just looked silly because they were putting in a lot of energy on a ship that had already sailed, sunk, and was lying at the bottom of the ocean. It’s the classic, if I can’t have you, nobody else can syndrome, and it’s completely embarrassing on a social media level.
Breakups are never easy and when there’s a child involved and you have to deal with that other person for at least another 18 years of your life, there will definitely be situations that bring up particular emotions or ill feelings that stunt your ability to move on when you may still be wishing things were different. Regardless, Internet battles are definitely not the place to hash it out. In fact, there really isn’t anything to hash out at all. If he’s moved on, let him be. And even if he’s still trying to get on when he has another girl, don’t try to throw her under the bus for choosing a bad dude just like you did. Women have enough problems to deal with without beefing over some man for no reason. If he’s the one you have a problem with, take the anger out on him, Facebook and Twitter stalk all you need to until you get it out of your system, but don’t be careless with her feelings. In all honesty, if things don’t work out with you and a guy the best thing you can do is move on and be happy that you no longer have to deal with him because the reality is, he’s somebody else’s problem now.
Have you ever had to deal with an ex who couldn’t let your man go? Have you ever been that girl trying to stir up beef in your ex’s new relationship?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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These are the men who are truly loyal to their biological destinies. These are the men who think that what they should be doing is populating the earth with their seeds. Is it bad? No, not if they stay in the child’s life. But somehow we can’t help but judge the lack of self-control involved in farthering so many kids especially the ones who did so outside of any official relationships…
He’s the obvious one, ain’t he? Weezy has three baby mamas and counting. At only 29 years of age, he’s on track to reach ODB status by the time he’s 40. He’s currently dating a new woman, an Arizona waitress by the name of Dhea. If she’s as savvy as Lauren London, she’ll get knocked up soon.
I need some advice from a guy’s point of view, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years. We have 3 children together, my ex wants me to let our 2 sons live with him which in itself is no problem and I am happy that he still wants to be apart of their lives, my issue is he wants to also move this girl in that he met on the internet and they have only known each other for a short time. I told him that if he wants to live with her that is fine but our sons will stay with me because I don’t know her and I don’t trust her. I had a bad experience with my step-father so I am very protective about who I let around my children. He stated that I should trust him enough to know that he would never put our kids in harm’s way but I feel that he is moving to fast and I don’t want the kids in the middle of a whirlwind romance. Am I being unreasonable and overprotective?
This week on The Luv Coach, Coach Brody advises a woman whose husband is handling how to balance his obligations to his child and his wife. Read on and weigh in:
Dear Luv Coach
My husband and I married 5 months ago after 5 years of dating and things are going well, with the exception of one thing…. his baby momma. The entire 5 years we dated, she made my life a living hell. She spread rumors that I threatened to abuse his children, claimed that they were still messing around, etc. She has made it no secret after all this time she is still very much in love with my husband and based on past history, would stop at nothing to see us split. Herein lies the dilemma. She has not shared with their child that we’re married and has told my husband in order to see his child he must come to her house and their child is not allowed to come to our home because my husband will not provide her with an address (the reason he won’t tell her where we live is due to issues with her in the past).
I have made it very plain to my husband that I don’t feel comfortable with him being alone with her because of the way she feels about him and past drama. He on the other hand argues he is going over there for his child, not her and that I am trying to prevent him from seeing his child. I argue he doesn’t have to sit in her house to do so, if he can’t come here, why can’t he pick him up and they do something together?? Simply put, I dealt with 5 years of disrespect while we were dating, I am not going to deal with a lifetime of disrespect in my marriage, so I told him spending time over her house means a death certificate for our marriage…. Am I wrong????
A headline questioning whether single women should have babies to become more attractive to men seems like a joke. Unless I missed the memo, I was unaware that single motherhood was in style.
But in a Huffington Post article, a woman discusses her experience at a panel when the topic of women and their fertility lifespan was brought up. Star Jones happened to be one of the panelists and she expressed regret never having children, while another woman said she chose to put her career first, then baby. The third panelist, a man, offered his advice for older women still hoping to get married and have children. He told them not to wait any longer: “Have a baby on your own. Trust me, men will find you even more attractive if you do.”
As I read more of the article, the attractiveness of having a baby on your own seemed to be rooted in the idea of attaining something you want and having the strength to go at it alone. There was also an undercurrent theme of “rich white people problems.” In a culture where single motherhood isn’t rare and not having children is a desirable dating quality, the strong, independent, go-getter light that single motherhood was shown under was a bit odd. I know there are still some evolutionary remnants of a woman’s attractiveness tied to perceptions of fertility, but I don’t think actually having a child ups the ante. At least it never has in my experience. Do you have kids is one of the top five questions a man ever seems to ask, and the expression of pleasant surprise when I answer with a “no” is palpable. For single motherhood to be attractive in some forms and not others, there has to be more at play than evolution.
If it’s OK to be a single mother by in vitro fertilization, what is it then that’s so undesirable about a woman who has had children with a man she is no longer with? Is it the assumption of responsibility for the former and the perception of irresponsibility for the latter? Is it the perceived complication of having to deal with the child’s father? Is it the expectation of a single mother by choice not needing the same financial assistance that a “baby mama” would? Regardless of how the child was conceived, both women made a choice to have their children and both women essentially deal with the same issues of motherhood. The absence or presence of a father in either situation can be seen as positive or negative.
The discussion doesn’t even have to be limited to opposite sex relationships. Women make assumptions every day about women they see touting children around without a wedding band on their finger. If she were to tell you that she chose to have her baby alone via in vitro fertilization, would that make a difference? Age may be the true separating factor in the discussion, as it is typically older women who choose to use artificial insemination as a means of achieving their dreams of becoming a mother, but age and money don’t equal a fit parent.
While I somewhat understand women’s desire to make use of a medical intervention to become a mother, I personally feel two parent households are the ideal setting for raising a child, therefore no form of single motherhood is particularly appealing to me. But what seems to be evident from discussions about single motherhood is that there are unfair stereotypes associated with some forms and not others, and that is unattractive in itself.
What are your thoughts on women who choose to have babies on their own via artificial insemination? Do you view that as an acceptable form of single motherhood? Do you experience stereotyping as a single mother regardless of your circumstances?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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