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I just can’t help but feel sorry for Terrell Owens. He just can’t seem to win. He seems to be the classic man who, at times, has been too cocky for his own good. And for better and mostly worse women are drawn to that cockiness. Which is why three of Terrell’s baby mamas gathered on Dr. Phil recently to discuss not only his relationship in their children’s lives but the child support he has or hasn’t paid. Looking at the videos, it seems that everybody’s priorities may be out of whack. Terrell is focused on what he can’t pay, the women are focused on what they need him to pay and Dr. Phil seems to be the only one bringing up the fact that his presence in the life of his children is more important than anything else. Plus, going on a talk show to publicly degrading the father of your children, regardless of the relationship, is more sketch than a little bit in my opinion.

Check out the videos below and let us know what you think.
 

You can watch the entire segment here. 

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These are the men who are truly loyal to their biological destinies. These are the men who think that what they should be doing is populating the earth with their seeds. Is it bad? No, not if they stay in the child’s life. But somehow we can’t help but judge the lack of self-control involved in farthering so many kids especially the ones who did so outside of any official relationships…

Lil Wayne

He’s the obvious one, ain’t he? Weezy has three baby mamas and counting. At only 29 years of age, he’s on track to reach ODB status by the time he’s 40. He’s currently dating a new woman, an Arizona waitress by the name of Dhea. If she’s as savvy as Lauren London, she’ll get knocked up soon.

Despite the stereotypes, baby mamas do not solely represent the uneducated and emotionally disturbed sector of the gender. That stereotype is aided by the tenuous relationships between baby mamas and baby daddy. Things are naturally primal where our children are concerned and at times, your relationship with your baby’s daddy can reach the surreal.

Before you know it, you’ve unwittingly slipped into a black and white Twilight Zone episode we like to call: the baby mama dramazone. Is it a drug? Is it a place? Hard to say. But it sure isn’t easy to avoid.  In part, it’s hard wired into who you are as a nurturer, a giver and a woman. Mix in a little ego, where no man is going to get the best of you and walk away like it’s nothing–well, let’s just say things can pop off like lightning.

In the end, allowing any bit of drama in your world is wrong because it has nothing to do with what truly matters: the well being of your children. Besides, what you really want is for the situation between you and the father of your child to be better. A dose of dramazone isn’t going to help.

Before you wake up in a nonsense world where Beyonce is ugly and you and your baby daddy cause each other agony at the child’s expense, take a a good look around for these tale tell signs that you have crossed into the baby mama dramazone.

Your Ego is Front and Center

It stings pretty bad when you have a man’s child and you’re still not good enough to be his wife. Your ego takes a blow and wants to lash out in defense. Only, there’s a good chance your children will get caught in the cross fire. Your ego may even carry that resentment on to your next relationship or worse, dilute your self-worth by making you feel you’re not good enough. Your baby daddy’s unwillingness to be a good father or husband is about how crappy a person he is and has nothing to do with you. Leave your ego out of it, otherwise you could end up in the baby mama drama zone.

A University of Michigan study found that the number of women who are having children by multiple partners is increasing in America. For American women who had two or more children, 28 percent of them had done so with more than one man.

For African American women the number rose to 58 percent.

Some believe the survey will serve as further ammunition for the media to attack black women. Avis Jones-DeWeever, executive director of the National Council of Negro Women had this to say:

I have a lot of respect for the University of Michigan, and as a researcher myself, I certainly don’t want to discount the value of research,” Jones-DeWeever explained. “What I am concerned about is how it’s going to be sensationalized in the media. I am concerned that this will be another way that this country will put a negative label on black women which, in this country, we have a long history of doing.”

What do you think, should black women come under scrutiny for these numbers?

Check out more results from the study and rest of the article at theGrio.com.

A few months ago, Anslem Samuel wrote a post about how black men view dating single mothers. While I sympathize with the plight of single mothers, I totally understood his perspective. I mean, who wants to date a baby daddy? Some man who knocked up a woman he had no intention of marrying, who’s likely still angry and bitter.  A married man has children. A baby daddy got kids. The terms married and children are endearing and baby daddy plus kid equals baggage.

Men typically don’t have primary custody, so it’s usually not the stringent schedule that sucks. Their baggage comes in the form of a woman scorned and shared experiences. Dating a baby daddy is a package deal in which you get him, the mama and the kid. It never fails that the baby mama, at some point, wanted him to marry her or at least stay in the relationship. I can only imagine what it feels like to get pregnant and left and all of the female emotions and child-pawning is just too much. No one wants to deal with some crazy, jealous woman taking her frustrations out on her baby daddy’s new girlfriend.

Then, you have the child. Though she is not your responsibility, she is his. Thus, his responsibilities and obligations have a place in your relationship. You’re signing up to play house with someone else’s kid. And, should you ever want to get married, you and your husband could not share the “first child experience” and all that comes with it. Most of us want to get as close to the fairytale as we can, but I am not sure how magical it is to have a walking, talking remnant of your man’s past relationship.

Let’s not forget the legalities of paying child support. Even men who have virtually no money get stuck paying more than they should. Do you really want a man that has to support another household? It takes away from the sanctity of monogamy and/or marriage. In a sense, you and the baby mama are sharing. Seriously, who’s jumping all over that?

Being a baby daddy also speaks about a man’s character. Call it a mistake; call it a consequence, their child is a reflection of their sins. Getting a girl pregnant that you don’t want to marry is often a result of promiscuity. Not to say people can’t change, but I would wonder how well he fairs with monogamy—and, his views on family.

For those of us with no kids, who have worked hard not to be baby mamas, baby daddies are not top picks. It’s hard enough to get to know someone and even harder with two middlemen. Although it can work out given the right conditions, I’d make a different move

In the next life, would I date a baby daddy? No, thank you.

Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.

I’ve spent a good majority of my adult life trying not to have a baby mama. Not because I don’t want children, I just don’t want children with a woman that’s not my wife. See, when you do the wife and kids thing, that’s generally something planned and thought out. Even if it’s not, you’re married so having kids isn’t really that big of a deal because it’s expected at some point.

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