All Articles Tagged "baby daddy"
Maury Povich has made a mockery out of pregnancy and paternity. There, I said it. But it’s not like I can exactly blame him. If you can find ready and willing guests who choose to have America laugh at their lie-detector-failing, cheating boyfriends or guess your gender or the father of your child like it’s Jerry Springer meets The Price is Right, then I guess a few minutes of daytime network TV fame is worth the title of “trash TV.”
I never understood how a woman could be unsure of whom the father of her child is, but the truth is it happens every day. And it just doesn’t happen to wild, promiscuous women with low self-esteem and no morals. The truth is all you have to do is have sex with two different men in a close enough time period.
So what if you find yourself staring at a plus sign and consumed with the overwhelming worry that the father of your unborn baby could be one of a number of men. Here are a few ways you can try to pinpoint exactly when you got pregnant. You have to determine when you were most fertile, which is fairly easy to do if you have a regular cycle. Most women have a period about every 28 days and ovulate about 2 weeks after their last day of spotting (14 days into the cycle). This is even easier to calculate if you are on the pill, but if not many women mark their cycles on a calendar. If your cycle is longer or shorter than the average, you’re going to need to count halfway through your cycle. Keep in mind that ovulation isn’t a one day process; a woman is most fertile for about three days in the middle of her cycle. When you figure out when you may have been ovulating, you can start to think of what men you may have had sex with at the time. Keep in mind this only works if you’re actually keeping track of when you get a period.
Here’s something that may make your life just a little more complicated. sp*erm can live inside a woman for up to seven days, which means that even you had sex with a man days before you’re supposed to ovulate, his sp*erm could still be hanging out in your fallopian tubes, waiting for an egg to fertilize. As a final option before getting a full-blown paternity test, you can wait until your first ultrasound when a doctor can determine the date of conception a little more accurately based on the size of the fetus. But even then most doctors agree that the due date can be off as much as 7 days,
If you find yourself still unsure the best thing you can do for your sanity and your child’s sense of self is to find out exactly who the father is. Honestly, paternity tests don’t have to be a circus of wailing, falling to the floor and some fool doing the Dougie when you Maury reveals he is not the daddy. The earlier you come forward with the fact that either some infidelity took place or that there’s the potential that more than one man can claim paternity, the earlier you can cease the opinions and accusations of friends and family and your own guilt, because everyone will have an opinion. But the only way to get some peace of mind is to be honest with yourself about the situation you’re in.
Paternity tests can be done both pre and post natally through blood collection, buccal swabs and umbilical cord. Pre-natal testing is often more expensive but both types of test can range anywhere between $400.00 to $2000.00. Some testing sites offer low-cost testing and payment plans; and if he can go half on a baby he better be able to cough up some cash to clear his conscience. Keep in mind that most states have laws that require an unmarried couple to fill out an Acknowledgment of Paternity (AOP) form at the hospital to legally establish who the father is. If the couple is unmarried, then no father will be listed on the birth certificate until this legally binding form is filled out. While there is no father listed on the birth certificate, the baby’s rights aren’t fully protected which could mean issues for both mother and child when it comes to collecting child support.
In fact in this day and age I don’t blame men who request a paternity test regardless of how much they trust and love their partner. 18 years is a long time and women can be scandalous. Even if another man is willing to take on a responsibility that isn’t his, that’s no excuse to be dishonest. Playing paternity games is dangerous. God forbid your child ever needs a kidney, and someone who is possible match is left clueless because he isn’t even aware that a child walking around with his DNA. There are also certain legal and social issues that may come with determining paternity such as social security, veterans and inheritance benefits. And fellas, please stop running around talking foolishness about the baby is “too light” or doesn’t have your nose. Take a Biology class and play with a Punnett Square or two and discover how DNA actually works.
This isn’t Sunday morning, so I’ll leave my convictions about self-respect and safe sex out of it, but I do want to emphasize a big part of being a sexually active adult is being responsible. How many partners you choose to have and when you choose to have them is a personal choice, but when you start pro-creating, it’s no longer just about you. So get up and put on your big girl panties and stop with the paternity games. And just maybe men should be more careful and women should start paying closer attention to their own bodies and start choosing their partners with a little more discretion. Regardless of how you feel about the father of your child, your child deserves to at least know who he is, and that man deserves the opportunity to step up and take care of his responsibilities. And let’s be honest, if you’re having sex with 15 men in a short enough time period and not tracking the changes of your own body, you might need to find some other constructive ways to spend your time or invest in a day planner.
Source: American Pregnancy Association
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator whelping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog Bullets and Blessings .
When it comes to single mothers dating, a couple of questions always come up if her child’s father is an active presence in her kid’s life: Should your child’s father meet your new man and how much weight should his opinion of the guy you’re dating hold as far as influencing whether you decide to move forward with him and, of course, when is the right time to introduce each other?
For starters, there is no “right time” to introduce your current boyfriend to your baby daddy, but some situations are unavoidable. The holidays are a good example; I’m sure many of you navigated the awkward conversations that ensued as children exchanged hands and homes in an attempt to honor the holiday spirit with some form of tensely negotiated civility. Still, holidays or regular days, introducing your current beau to your old beau is always complicated. It’s only further complicated when there is a child involved. But there are a few considerations you can follow to make this already awkward situation slightly less awkward.
Be Honest About the Status of Your Relationship with Your Baby Daddy
In theory, your baby daddy should have little to no influence over any of your future relationships, but in the real world, Isht happens. First and foremost, it’s important that you and your current boyfriend are on the same page. I’m not saying you have to unite as one force as if you’re calling on Captain Planet to defeat the toxicity of your prior relationship. I am saying that you and your new man need to have an honest discussion about what you both deem as important for the child, the influence you believe your child’s father should have on the current relationship (if any), and if it’s important to you that in the everlasting words of Rodney King, “we all get along.”
It’s equally important that you’re honest about the overall status of your relationship with your ex. This includes being honest with your current boyfriend and with yourself. If you’re still in love with your baby daddy, have feelings for your baby daddy, or you’re only bidding your time with your new man until your baby daddy decides that he wants to take you back, these are all things that should be communicated.
I’ve been in situations where I only realized afterwards that I was merely a pawn in a much more complicated ex-relationship chess match. Some women use the men they date subsequent to their baby daddy only to make him jealous, which is fine, as long as the new man is aware of his role. Some men are perfectly fine with being the side-man. Like side-women, most men are generally content with the status of the relationship as long as they know the role they are expected to play. What’s not fair is to pretend like you’re building a legitimate and “moving on” when you know damn well your heart (and other organs) still belong to your baby daddy. If the new relationship is nothing more than a complicated charades game to get your ex to start caring about you again, just be honest with yourself and your new man. It’ll save everyone a lot of headaches and heartaches.
On the other hand, let’s say you’re over your ex but your ex isn’t over you. This is also important information to share with any new man in your life. I know dealing with kids and emotions complicates things but somebody has to be the adult in the situation – and it likely won’t be the kids. If your baby daddy 1) hates you; or 2) equally as bad, is still in love with you, this is the type of info the new man in your life should know about. You don’t have to tell him on the first date, but he shouldn’t find out when your baby daddy is chasing you, him, or both down the street with a sawed off shotgun. For example, I once dated girl who “got along fine” with her baby daddy. You can imagine my surprise when I started receiving anonymous text messages ranging from pleas to leave her alone to threats to kill us both if we kept dating. We all know that some men, exes or otherwise, believe in the motto, “once mine, always mine.”
I know you can’t be expected to control another human being, especially if that human being happens to be your child’s father and is bat Isht crazy, but what you can do is let me know your ex-man is crazy and deranged so I at least know what I’m getting myself into sooner rather than later. I shouldn’t have to find out your baby daddy is crazy after he does something crazy if he has a history of doing crazy Isht. If we’re going to be in a relationship together this is the kind of information you should share early on.
It was a beautiful Autumn Saturday evening. The ground was covered with rainbow colored leaves, the wind was blowing just enough to give the perfect breeze while inhaling the fresh scent of a fall evening, and the sky was the perfect shade of royal blue. I was headed out for a wonderful dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, after I spent the day shopping and pampering myself. It seemed as though this was the perfect day and I was going to culminate it with the perfect evening, so I had every reason to be happy, right? Wrong.
When I arrived at dinner, I was seated quickly at a table for two. The waitress came and went through her routine, then asked if everyone in my party had arrived. Before I opened my mouth to answer her I smiled slightly, swallowed my tears with squinted eyes and said yes. She said okay and walked away to give me a moment to look over the menu. As I browsed through the menu, my stomach felt a little squeamish. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was starving, upset about the fact that I would be dining alone, or if it was my unborn child moving about.
To be honest, I think it was a combination of all three. So luckily for us the waitress returned quickly and took our order immediately. Shortly thereafter, my phone began to ring. It was my child’s father. He was calling to see what my plans were for the evening because he wanted to get together to talk. I told him I was at dinner and invited him to join me. He declined, and then began asking me a number of questions about the status of our relationship; you know those questions that let you know that he’s trying to subtly break up with you, but he wants you to get fed up and end it first so it’ll look like you wanted the relationship to end. You know the questions, where do you see us going? Do you really think we’re compatible? With each question he asked, my heart sunk in with every answer I gave him because I knew where he was going with this conversation. After about ten to fifteen minutes of engaging in the final exam of what would be the beginning of the end of my relationship with the father of my child, he finally said to me, I think you should find somebody you are compatible with because it’s not me. With tears coming down my face, yet hiding the fact that I was crying I said okay, I’ll keep you posted on the progress of the baby. He said okay, and we both said goodbye. When the conversation ended I was absolutely devastated. As tears continued to stream down my face, so many thoughts and questions raced through my mind. How was I going to raise a child as a single mother? Will he be involved in our child’s life as he should? Am I now another statistic? That’s okay, we don’t need him anyway... So after the random thoughts and questions stopped racing through my mind, I finished my dinner, went home, cried some more and started my process of accepting the fact that I would be a single mother.
The next few days, weeks and months were extremely difficult for me because the relationship with the father of my child ended abruptly without logical explanation. As I tried to move past the relationship ending and move forward to facing my new reality I did some soul searching and reflecting. During my process of soul searching and reflecting I asked myself a number of questions in regard to my relationship with my son’s father and why I was so devastated when it ended.
My first question was, why did I want to be in a relationship with a man that did not want to be with me? Answer, because I had love for him (or at least what I thought was love), I was carrying his child, and I wanted us to be a family. My next question, if I wasn’t pregnant, would he even want to be with me at this point in our relationship? Answer, probably not. My last question, why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who brought drama to my life, and was not concerned about me or our unborn child? Answer, because at that time in my life my self esteem was at an all time low, I wanted us to be a family, and I couldn’t see the drama because all I wanted to see was what I wanted. After my soul searching process, and the birth of my child I came to grips with the reality that I was a single mother, and I had to learn how to be okay with every aspect of it.
So as I moved forward with my life without the father of my child, I learned a number of valuable lessons. I learned about the joys and struggles of being a single mother by being there whole heartedly for my child, finding the joy in everything we do and watching my child grow. I’ve learned how to be a better, stronger and more confident woman internally because I know I am the primary example of what a woman should be in the sight of my child. I’ve learned how to balance my career and motherhood by managing my time better. And last, I’ve learned how to be single and extremely happy. How did I do that? By trusting in my Creator for guidance and finding the joy in being a single woman. This was indeed a difficult journey, but it was worth every lesson learned. Now that I look back on that night my relationship ended with the father of my child, I smile. I smile because I realize that if he had not ended our relationship I would probably have tried to continue on with a relationship with him that probably would have been detrimental to my health, his health and the health of our child. Letting go of the feelings I had for my child’s father was not easy, but I’m glad the door was closed on that relationship because it opened the door to so much more!
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
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Looks like Fannie heard everyone’s been talking about her and the rumors surrounding her son’s father, Antwaun Cook. At the end of last week, stories were swirling about Antwaun hooking up with a member of the “Bad Girls Club,” and on top of that sites were reporting the singer had a bit of a breakdown on stage as she talked about Jesus being the only one who will never leave you, not to mention a horrific picture of said breakdown.
That’s neither here nor there now, because the singer appeared to be in a much better place during the Essence Music Festival this weekend, so much so that in between customary barefoot performances of songs like “Bittersweet,” “Even Angels,” and “Nobody Greater,” she imparted these words to the audience:
“I’m doing me now, and I don’t care what the folk have to say. So put that on your Twitter. Sweep around your own front door before you try and clean around mine…”
OK then. Looks like someone hit her with that “I told you so” about her borrowed man like I predicted.
Regardless, the important thing is she’s doing what she should be doing which is singing so she can provide for her children, and I must say I’d much rather hear her say she’s doing her than to be depressed about the rumored love she’s lost. My only hope is that doing her extends to not doing Antwaun anymore because it’s time to retire that triflin’ man.
Do you believe Fantasia’s done with him?
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I’m sure someone somewhere is telling Fantasia “I told so,” but hopefully they also have some comfort for the mother of two whose boyfriend/second child’s father Antwaun Cook has supposedly left her for another woman. Oh, and the woman isn’t the wife we’re pretty sure he’s still married too either.
The story stems from a photo “Bad Girls Club” member Kendra James uploaded on Instagram of her getting cozy with a man who looks dead on Antwaun. Making things even more suspect, when fans questioned her about who he was, she deleted the pic and any links to it.
Yeah that’s him.
I’d like to say I’d think this woman would be smart enough not to get involved with this man but she did appear on “Bad Girls Club” after all, and from the looks of things they’re already very much involved. The YBF also has a source who confirmed the men in Kendra’s other pics are Antwaun’s fraternity brothers and they say she’s definitely dating ol’ boy. Many are speculating this situation is at least part of, if not the full reason, Fantasia had a break down during her performance in Trinidad last weekend, she reportedly told the audience:
“The only person who will never leave you is Jesus.”
All I can say is she better hold on to God’s unchanging hand right now because it looks like things with Antwaun are o.v.a. Considering they probably should have never started in the first place, this really isn’t a bad thing in the long run. What do you say?
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Let’s face it, the lure of marriage just isn’t what it used to be and while it remains a goal for many, for a growing number of women it isn’t as important as finding a strong partner and a great father.
Despite peer pressure, there’s nothing wrong with going half on a baby with the right guy. It’s easier than you think. The right guy is a ready guy.
Even if he did put a ring on it, that doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a dad yet, or ever. Hopefully you talked about that kinda stuff ahead of time, but when it comes to your kids, actions are always safer than words.
Here are a few ways to know when the guy in question is ready to go half on a baby….
I just can’t help but feel sorry for Terrell Owens. He just can’t seem to win. He seems to be the classic man who, at times, has been too cocky for his own good. And for better and mostly worse women are drawn to that cockiness. Which is why three of Terrell’s baby mamas gathered on Dr. Phil recently to discuss not only his relationship in their children’s lives but the child support he has or hasn’t paid. Looking at the videos, it seems that everybody’s priorities may be out of whack. Terrell is focused on what he can’t pay, the women are focused on what they need him to pay and Dr. Phil seems to be the only one bringing up the fact that his presence in the life of his children is more important than anything else. Plus, going on a talk show to publicly degrading the father of your children, regardless of the relationship, is more sketch than a little bit in my opinion.
Check out the videos below and let us know what you think.
You can watch the entire segment here.
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These are the men who are truly loyal to their biological destinies. These are the men who think that what they should be doing is populating the earth with their seeds. Is it bad? No, not if they stay in the child’s life. But somehow we can’t help but judge the lack of self-control involved in farthering so many kids especially the ones who did so outside of any official relationships…
He’s the obvious one, ain’t he? Weezy has three baby mamas and counting. At only 29 years of age, he’s on track to reach ODB status by the time he’s 40. He’s currently dating a new woman, an Arizona waitress by the name of Dhea. If she’s as savvy as Lauren London, she’ll get knocked up soon.
Despite the stereotypes, baby mamas do not solely represent the uneducated and emotionally disturbed sector of the gender. That stereotype is aided by the tenuous relationships between baby mamas and baby daddy. Things are naturally primal where our children are concerned and at times, your relationship with your baby’s daddy can reach the surreal.
Before you know it, you’ve unwittingly slipped into a black and white Twilight Zone episode we like to call: the baby mama dramazone. Is it a drug? Is it a place? Hard to say. But it sure isn’t easy to avoid. In part, it’s hard wired into who you are as a nurturer, a giver and a woman. Mix in a little ego, where no man is going to get the best of you and walk away like it’s nothing–well, let’s just say things can pop off like lightning.
In the end, allowing any bit of drama in your world is wrong because it has nothing to do with what truly matters: the well being of your children. Besides, what you really want is for the situation between you and the father of your child to be better. A dose of dramazone isn’t going to help.
Before you wake up in a nonsense world where Beyonce is ugly and you and your baby daddy cause each other agony at the child’s expense, take a a good look around for these tale tell signs that you have crossed into the baby mama dramazone.
Your Ego is Front and Center
It stings pretty bad when you have a man’s child and you’re still not good enough to be his wife. Your ego takes a blow and wants to lash out in defense. Only, there’s a good chance your children will get caught in the cross fire. Your ego may even carry that resentment on to your next relationship or worse, dilute your self-worth by making you feel you’re not good enough. Your baby daddy’s unwillingness to be a good father or husband is about how crappy a person he is and has nothing to do with you. Leave your ego out of it, otherwise you could end up in the baby mama drama zone.
A University of Michigan study found that the number of women who are having children by multiple partners is increasing in America. For American women who had two or more children, 28 percent of them had done so with more than one man.
For African American women the number rose to 58 percent.
Some believe the survey will serve as further ammunition for the media to attack black women. Avis Jones-DeWeever, executive director of the National Council of Negro Women had this to say:
I have a lot of respect for the University of Michigan, and as a researcher myself, I certainly don’t want to discount the value of research,” Jones-DeWeever explained. “What I am concerned about is how it’s going to be sensationalized in the media. I am concerned that this will be another way that this country will put a negative label on black women which, in this country, we have a long history of doing.”
What do you think, should black women come under scrutiny for these numbers?
Check out more results from the study and rest of the article at theGrio.com.