All Articles Tagged "Attention"
I just spent several days walking, dancing, playing and dining in a world of generous succulence. In this world, I had several opportunities to talk with women about sexuality and their relationship with men.It seems that so many of us want the attention of men, yet greet their attention with anger or fear. We want masculine attention, dress for it, flip our hair on the street for it, but when we get a response — we often respond with fear or anger. Our eyes often don’t greet the smile of masculine appreciation with warmth — often we return it with a “how dare you notice!”
Sometimes we just look away and pretend that we didn’t notice. Some of us may snort and think “pigs” to ourselves. And honestly, it is not necessary to do anything with anyone’s response to our sexuality. But what if …
What if we instead chose to allow the compliments that come to us in an appreciative smile or wink on the street from a masculine energy that admires us as we pass? What if we returned the smile? What if you could feel that the warm attention of men as you walked down the street in your sexual power was simply their acknowledging your feminine power?
Read more at YourTango.com
Q: “I’m 47 years and my boyfriend lives with me. I’ve been very depressed and confused lately. I haven’t had relations with my boyfriend for six months, due to his decreased libido. He has seen the doctor who says it may stem from his high blood pressure and possibly his age—he’s over 50. I’m also trying to cope with loving myself. I have low self-esteem and I want to please everybody; family, friends and strangers. But at the end of the day, I’m sad. I want some affection and attention from my man, and I want to learn how to love myself too. What to do?”
See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.
I can’t imagine being a Hollywood celebrity. Whether we’re talking about folks in the music industry or those on the big and small screen, your success is based on how many people know your name, know your face, and care enough about you (as a true fan or a hater who clicks on your posts or listens to your music in the hopes you’ll fail) to buy what you’re selling. Can’t be easy. Some people are lucky enough that their talents or straight up sex appeal keeps them on people’s minds, but others aren’t so lucky, so they do the absolute most to get people talking about them. For example, check out these chicks and the antics they partake in:
You know Melody, right? No? Well, I’m sure you at least know what her boobs and behind look like, because in an attempt to pretend she was being fashion forward and to get her name in people’s mouths, she showed up to an Elle event in a completely sheer dress. So sheer that her breast were exposed to the extreme (not just Areola, but like, the whole thing), as well as part of her vajayjay. The former Pussycat Doll might have exposed herself because she wanted people to remember her, and in turn, check out her new mixtape, P.O.Y.B.L, which was released recently. But this was just way too much. No pasties? No nothing? C’mon girl…
There are two things that bother me most about the response to Chris Brown and Rihanna’s assumed reunion. One is the fact that people who looked at Rihanna like a trashy R&B wild child days before are now pretending to suddenly be so concerned about her emotional and physical wellbeing that they have penned open letters to her about her love life. The other is the idea that Rihanna owes it to young girls everywhere not to go back to the man who physically assaulted her because she’s a role model.
Let’s be real about something. Rihanna hasn’t had the potential to be a role model since she ponned de replay, and even then I’m not sure that’s what she wanted to be. But since the assumed good girl has obviously gone bad she has repeatedly shouted from the roof tops that she is not a role model, she does not wish to be a role model, and she will not adjust her life to be a role model. Why aren’t we letting her talk that talk?
I understand the logic that once you become a performer your private life and a lot of the personal decisions you make are put on display for millions of fans and the public at large to critique, but that doesn’t make you a role model, that makes you visible. I feel the same way when it comes to the backlash against rappers. Of course they could all stand to make the content of their music a little less misogynistic and a lot more purposeful, but can we really expect men who literally just stepped out of the hood and got $10 million dollars put in their pocket to talk about their life experiences to suddenly encourage behavior they know nothing about? I mean is there some sort of remedial thug program aspiring rappers go through once they get a deal? Of course not.
Do I think there is a certain amount of responsibility that comes along with being a person that influential? Yes, but only to the extent that if you are engaging in questionable behavior you should never encourage anyone else to do so, or suggest ridiculous things to minors (Too Short). Do I think it’s fair to put pressure on celebrities to lead straight and narrow lives to appease the images we want them to hold of them? Not at all.
Being a role model is an awesome responsibility that many are not cut out for and few have the ability to live up to. Do you consider every leader in your community a role model? What about executives on your job? Sure, tons of people take direction from these figures and look to them for guidance but when you think about the positive context in which the term role model is used, it’s a title we don’t bestow upon ordinary, everyday people hastily. They have to earn it. So why should celebrities be any different?
At some point we all have to take responsibility for ourselves and the influences we succumb to. And when it comes to adolescents and teenagers, it’s up to their parents to set appropriate examples of who to emulate and who to excuse. As someone who never got into celebrity worship, I’ve never expected anything more from the actors and musical artists I am a fan of to do anything more than entertain me. Sometimes they do it with their personal lives, but I only expect it from their professional ones. Sure, sometimes the things they do off-camera or off-screen disappoint me, but that’s likely because I created an image in my head of who they were in lieu of the ability to really get to know who they actually are. And that’s why a celebrity could never be a role model to me. I don’t know enough about them.
If you want to model your career off of a famous person who’s made it big in an industry with a talent you share or wear a design some singer rocked, go for it. But when it comes to romance, relationships, and the things that matter when the paparazzi are gone, it’s not up to an entertainer to lead you in the way that you should go unless they’ve demonstrated they want to because they have their fans best interest at heart and they have a lifestyle that’s worth modeling. Otherwise you’re on your own—as you should be.
Do you think fame automatically makes celebrities role models?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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