All Articles Tagged "Arnold Schwarzenegger affair"

Pretty Girls Need Not Apply: Why I Would Never Hire An Attractive Nanny

November 29th, 2012 - By Alissa Henry
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"Attractive nanny"

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During my visit for Thanksgiving, my mom dropped no less than four hints that she was ready for me to start having kids. I mostly ignored her because my husband and I haven’t even hit our first anniversary and therefore kids won’t be sliding out of my uterus any time soon. Still, our conversation got me thinking about the fact that I’m not financially ready for children because, when I do start having kids, I hope to be able to hire a nanny.

My husband and I don’t live near any family and I don’t plan to be a stay-at-home mom, so when we start having kids, we’re definitely going to need at least part-time help. I’ve heard too many daycare horror stories to consider sending my child to one, so in-home help seems to be the way to go.

One of my closest friends is a nanny and she seems like a total godsend for the family she cares for. When she told me what she does, I thought “Wow, I’m definitely going to need to hire someone like you!” Thinking about it some more, I decided I wouldn’t hire someone exactly like her because, in my opinion, she is way too pretty to be a nanny and I would never even consider hiring attractive help.

Would you?

It’s not that I don’t trust my husband because I definitely do. He would never even consider cheating on me. However, just because I trust him doesn’t mean I’d give him a wallet full of dollar bills and tell him to have fun at the strip club. And I certainly wouldn’t hire some hot, young girl to traipse around him taking care of our kids. I trust him, but I certainly don’t trust other random women not to try something. What if the family environment a nanny witnesses around her causes her to imagine that this is something she wants for herself, leading to all sorts of silly but real attempts at getting it for herself? It happens! Both Ethan Hawke and Robin Williams married their nannies.

Of course, a live-out (as opposed to a live-in) nanny means that she likely would never interact with my husband because by the time he comes home, she’s long gone. Still, I wouldn’t take any chances that the nanny isn’t all she seems.

Is this some sort of young, pretty girl discrimination? Probably. But there’s just something so weird about the thought of my husband witnessing some beautiful woman on a regular basis who essentially does all of the positive things I would do as a mother if I didn’t have other obligations and who doesn’t give my husband any of the headache.

AskMen.com confirms this suspicion when talking about why men love nannies:

Besides their young bodies, kept fit from chasing munchkins, men think babysitters and nannies are hot for another reason: They have kids that aren’t their own. We like the playful nature and nurturing that babies bring out in women, but hate the weight of eternal responsibility. A nanny is like a villa in accountability. You can just vacation there, play house and go home to your apartment with the rotating cast of one-nighters. Nannies already know their homes and provide a Hot young comfort their busy wives forget.

See? No way!

There doesn’t even have to be a problem in the marriage for a man to be tempted either. Dr. Tammy Nelson told YourTango.com:

Studies have shown that cheating may not be a symptom of a bad marriage. Most people cheat because of opportunity (leading marriage researcher John Gottman says this accounts for 80 percent of affairs).

And what easier opportunity than a woman who is already in the house every day? Better to eliminate that temptation by hiring a nanny that looks like his mother. In that case, it’s just another grandmother-type helping out around the house and I can deal with that. This isn’t to say young, pretty girls aren’t great nannies who would never look twice at another woman’s husband – my friend certainly wouldn’t – but I’d be very hesitant to choose a younger nanny over an older one.

Don’t get me wrong. I realize that if a man is going to cheat, he’s going to cheat even if he’s married to Kennedy royalty and the help looks like Mildred “Patty” Baena. Unfortunately (and oddly), men cheat on their wives for less attractive women every day, but these men are probably known womanizers who have somehow convinced their wives that they’re reformed. In that case, it’s probably best to hire a Manny.

But for those of us married to regular guys who aren’t looking to get their rocks off with any woman with legs, an older woman (who is experienced, good with kids, willing to raise them your way, available and credentialed of course) seems to be the way to go.

What do you think? Would you hire – or not hire – a nanny based on her looks?

 Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog This Cannot Be My Life

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

The Arnold Factor: Why Married Men Have Unprotected Sex With The Mistress

May 17th, 2011 - By nativenotes
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Arnold “the Governator” Schwarzenegger has been a hot topic as of late because he and his wife Maria Shriver of 25 years announced they were separating. What people didn’t find out until today was that their separation and her subsequent move out of the family mansion was because Arnold fathered a love child with a woman on their household staff.

Whoa this takes us back to Cheating down but it’s deeper than just cheating, this is about the psychology of affairs and why married men have unprotected sex with their lovers. Notice I call them lovers and not mistresses.

Now ladies the rest of this article will be pure barber shop philosophy, doesn’t mean it’s right just letting you know the source of our shenanigans. Barbershops all over America are ripe with sayings like “now why would he raw that” or “damn, he gon just mess up that Kennedy money” but no one will be surprised that a married man is cheating or that he was having unprotected sex. In fact the chorus of brothers will say 1 of 2 things, “he should have had her on the pill if he was going out like that” or “$350 could have saved him all this drama” – $350 being the cost of an abortion.

Hair salons are filled with conversations just like the Barbershop but sisters want to know a. why was he cheating with the help? And b. why was he having unprotected sex with a woman other than his wife, exposing her to STD’s? What these ladies are assuming is that The Governator and his wife were in fact having sex. Their marriage is probably very similar to the Clintons, a marriage of convenience and opportunity, more of a business deal at this point than some love fest.

Arnold’s true love was probably his mistress; this is true for many men who are in love-less relationships. A man who had been married for 20 years told me “I love my wife but I’m in love with my mistress.” They have sex with their wives but they make love to their mistresses. And as I learned from the high school kids (which is even more problematic), unprotected sex is the new way to say I love you. There’s a twisted sort of trust between people in an affair. The man takes ownership (feminists please don’t kill the messenger) of his new lover and treats her like she is the “one”. Yeah he’s married and all but that’s not love, she doesn’t make him feel the way his mistress makes him feel so he treats the mistress like he would his wife; gifts, vacations and unprotected sex.

The problem of the mistress/lover ideal is that the mistress is like a part time job; oh it’s great for 3-4 hours but what about the 16-hour days you spend with your significant other. Similar to Mike from “Why Did I Get Married”, he thought his mistress was all that until she became his main woman and he realized how half-assed she was, not half the woman Jill Scott was.

Please note that I am not condoning married men having unprotected sex in their affairs. I’m merely exposing you to the logic that helps them do it.

You can follow nativenotes on Twitter or check out his writings on Notes of This Native Son.

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