Alice965

I can remember so vividly being about four or five years old and having a favorite cousin, Shaniqua (Yes, I have a cousin named Shaniqua). Oh, how I loved Shaniqua. I followed her everywhere! Everything that she did, I did. If she laughed a certain way, I laughed that certain way. When she came home from kindergarten learning to read, I was determined to learn how to read, too. I used to be thrilled on holidays like Easter Sunday and Mother’s Day when our grandmother would go out and buy us matching dresses for church. I mean, I wanted to be just like her when I “grew up,” which was ridiculously hilarious and ironic because we were only two years apart. As time progressed, I matured and developed my own identity.

While the whole copycat syndrome is very natural and normal among small children as they begin to develop their own identities, what I find disturbing is how prevalent it is among adults. There is a shockingly large amount of grown women who must have never properly transitioned from the whole copycat phase as children and are still walking around imitating one another to this day. Yes, they do exist and you probably know a few of them personally. You know the ones who you hate to go shopping with because the entire time that you are browsing the store they’re behind you picking up, examining, and purchasing everything you pick up in the store? Yeah, them. They have to get some kind of variation of what you picked up, don’t they? Or, how about the ones who have no shame and will show up to work with the same exact dress or shoes you wore last week?

Having a copycat can be flattering and even somewhat amusing, at first. However, after awhile, it becomes outright annoying. I mean honestly, what normally adjusted woman imitates another woman constantly? There has to be some sort of imbalance there. I used to think that the only real issue with having a copycat was the fact that it was annoying, however, I am beginning to feel a little differently about that. If you can’t even trust her enough to discuss future plans out of fear that she may run out and go do it first, you probably don’t need her around. What is the point in having a “friend” around who is constantly studying and looking to imitate you? After awhile you begin to question why. Is she looking to replace you? Does she want want your life? Something about that situation is plain old wrong and a bit creepy. While there is no way that she can replace you in the eyes of the people in your life because you are one of a kind, she can certainly try, which could potentially cause unnecessary heartache and grief for you if she is ruthless enough. But, then the question arises, how do you handle such a childish situation like an adult? You can’t deal with it as you would in preschool by pushing her and yelling “Stop doing everything that I do!” or you will look just as crazy as she does.

I remember my mom lecturing me about a copycat I once had, whom she’d nicknamed  “Single Black Female.” In the process she said to me, “If someone wants to try to emulate you, you can’t really stop them, but you’d be a fool to sit around and pass them the playbook.”  What she meant by that is you can’t control someone else’s actions, but you can control the access and insight that you grant them into your life. Feed her with a long-handled spoon. In simple terms, put some distance there. If you value this woman as a friend, don’t go starting a fight, just gracefully and gradually back off. If she’s someone new working your last nerve, keep her at an arm’s length or move on entirely. In due time you’ll turn around and she’ll be off imitating someone else.

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Some people like to say that some friends are like family, and just as there are family members you love who get on your last nerve, your friends can often do the same. You stick with them because you’ve known them for a while and like them, but boy do they do and say things that would get other people cut! (Kidding!) When you don’t let folks know when they’re doing you wrong or upsetting you with certain behaviors early, you’re setting them up to be a consistent pain in the buttocks. Therefore, it would be smart to sit down and talk to your girlfriends about the following things early, way before they become something that jeopardizes your friendship in the long run.

1. Being Upset About Things And Not Letting You Know

Some things truly are small enough for a person to get mad about, but then get over quickly without needing to talk about it. I’m sure we’ve all watched one of our good friends act a donkey to us and then later thought, “Well, she was drunk so…” or “It really wasn’t THAT deep.” But those girlfriends that get mad about something, whether small or big, fume on the low about it, but refuse to disclose to you what exactly that trifling thing was need to be talked to early on. If you have a friend who pretends like she lets things slide but really doesn’t, chances are, she’ll be the one in the future to stop accepting your phone calls, and to go on and tell everyone but you how s****y of a person you supposedly are. Let her know ASAP that whenever she really feels like she was disrespected by you to tell you and be honest. Why? Because you can’t read people’s minds…

2. It’s Called a Secret For a Reason

You love your friends, and it makes sense that you would want to disclose vital or very confidential information to them about the comings and goings of your life. But nothing is worse than when word starts spreading to others about this confidential information. Whether it’s to other friends you weren’t ready to talk to about your issues, or random associates you really aren’t feeling and you don’t want having inside knowledge about you, it’s all wrong. The blabber mouth homie must be put in check early. Either that, or you can just do yourself a favor and not fill her in on any and everything.

3. Stop Trying to Set Me Up With Any and Everybody

Speaking of any and everything, don’t you hate when your friend (with a man) feels the need to try and “save” you from being single by trying to have you holler at an associate of hers you have nothing in common with? Trying to set a friend up once or twice is cool, but if your friend is hell-bent on becoming a habitual low-rent version of Patti Stanger from “Millionaire Matchmaker,” politely let her know that you would rather find a man in the “Crazies” section on Craigslist than to receive her help with your love life again. Especially when all the dude are either in no way your type, or bear a striking resemblance to Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.

4. Being Chronically Late

Seriously, being late a few times to meet at a restaurant or club is not that deep, but if you’re friends with someone who brings a whole new meaning to CP time, then you’ve probably got a problem. Especially if her tardiness is leaving you outside at night, alone, trying to duck and dodge creeps, or causes you to miss whatever it is you both were hoping to check out or something you needed to see/do: the beginning of a good movie, an all-important event, keeps you from going to work, etc. Besides, who likes to stand around or sit alone forever waiting on grown folks?

5. Double Bookers and Users

Didn’t you make plans with your girlfriend? Plans that you passed on visiting other people for? If so, then why is she talking about what she forgot to do with such and such? Double booking friends who want to be everything to everybody don’t realize how much they’re playing themselves and the people they flake out on. It’s okay every once in a while, but if homegirl consistently gets you excited about going to that new restaurant and then says, “Oh wait,” she has to go meet up with what’s-his-face, then it’s probably time to let her know the real deal. And for folks planning to visit friends who live out of town, please don’t stay with that friend, yet spend your time in town hanging with EVERYBODY else but the host. That’s rude…

And those friends who don’t know how to do for others but are constantly asking you to go out of your way, yet don’t have an ounce of gas money or a thanks to offer should be put in line too. Just saying.

What else would you add to the list of things friends need to be checked about early?

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There is a list of 7 things that annoy men about women, which I’m sure you’ve checked out. And while that was eye-opening, it is only fitting that the women get to voice their concerns as well. The male list of annoyances consisted of communication components.  As women, we’re always able to delve a little deeper (or be a bit shallow). The men we share our lives with irritate us for more reasons than one. They should certainly take notice of this small list. But then again, we’re barely scratching the surface.

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  On its best day, the site is great for social networking, catching up with old friends and spreading awareness about your own personal business ventures and life events.  On its worst day, Facebook is a place for people to overindulge in self-promotion, irrelevant drama and become way too informed about other people’s personal lives.  At the end of the day it’s all about discretion, and one of the things that Mark Zuckerberg has taught me is that there’s one thing people love talking about more than other people: themselves.  Take a look as I poke fun at 10 annoying behaviors that you can find on “The Book.”