All Articles Tagged "angry"
Ain’t Nobody Trippin’ But You: How My Thirst For Respect Was Allowing Me To Get Angry Over Small Things (And How I Calmed Down)
I come from a long line of angry folks. They’re civilized folks with good jobs, good sense, and a lot of love to share, but they can be angry nonetheless. From my mom, to one of my sisters, as well as both my brothers and my uncle, I’ve watched them go from 0 to 60 in a minute when they felt it necessary, and some of that anger rubbed off on me. We’re what you would call “sensitive.” And living in New York has made it worse I must say. When men literally let a door slam in my face as they walk through it, bad a** kids throw small rocks at strangers (me, of course) when you’re minding your business walking down the street, and you get some of the worst customer service on the planet, you might have a reason to be a little testy. And honestly, I just assumed everyone around me felt and acted the same way. But that was until I punched a lady in the head last week.
It was an accident of course. During my morning commute, minding my business on the train, I was doing the absolute most to keep my bare hands from touching the very dirty pole next to me, so I proceeded to wrap my arm around the pole instead while I waited for my stop. After changing a song on my phone and in the process of once again wrapping my arm around the pole, I accidentally punched the head of the woman sitting down in the seat next to where I was standing. And it was kind of hard. This woman, white and probably in her mid-20s, slowly pulled her head up in shock, and began to rub the spot that I had just gone all Street Fighter on on accident. I turned and started apologizing: “Oh my gosh, I’m so so sorry. I’m really sorry, that was a total accident.” Expecting her to pop off or at least give me the death face, she just looked confused for a second, rubbed her head some more, nodded as if to say, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah,” and put her head back down.
That was it.
And I was surprised. I’ve seen New Yorkers of all backgrounds and colors act a complete fool over less, so I was expecting her to act up. But she didn’t because she had better things to do–like finish up her early morning nap before reaching her stop. But for some reason, her response, or lack thereof, had a big impact on me.
As I went to work, I thought about how I know I would have reacted had I been that woman and someone punched me in my head, even if on accident. I might let out a “S**T!” or “What in the hell!???” so that the person knew the extent of their mistake. I’m both sensitive and dramatic. But she was able to shrug it off like I kicked her bag on accident or bumped into her. And if I had hit any other person, I’m sure I would have received a scathing response. I’ve bumped into an older black woman on the train and apologized, only to find her looking at me like she was ready to slap box because her headphones kept her from hearing me. I couldn’t help but share the story with my coworker, and when I asked her why I, and so many others might react less than peacefully compared to this mystery woman, she pointed out one thing that really stuck out with me: “I don’t know, I think we, especially as black people, see these type of things as a sign of disrespect, and many of us do a lot to make sure we’re getting our respect.” Bingo.
I don’t know about you, but I can see my angry faces over the past year (almost two) of living in New York, and I know that respect had a lot to do with the extent of my “rage.” Like the time an older Hispanic man literally sat on me when he couldn’t sit down before the train pulled off, yet he failed to say sorry or anything else to me for that matter. While I only yelled out “OH MY GOD” when his a** fell on me and crushed my purse, in my head after the fact, angry that I received no apology, I was thinking, “DO YOU NOT SEE ME!??? AM I JUST INVISIBLE IN THIS PIECE???” Or the time a white girl standing in front of me whipped her hair in my face and had no clue. Or when a man stole the seat I was about to sit in, and fuming, I thought to myself: “OH SO YOU GONNA ACT LIKE YOU DIDN’T SEE ME ABOUT TO SIT DOWN!? AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN…” In most cases, if someone apologizes for whatever small thing they’ve done to me, I’ll heat up very fast, but hold my tongue and calm myself down, reply with an “It’s cool.”. But when they don’t, I’m ready to spit fire. A lot of my anger comes from people acting as though I don’t exist or they can treat me like whatever, and I can tell by the faces of those who screech down subway cars “YOU CAN’T SAY EXCUSE ME???” that their anger comes from a similar place. That and a little bit of crazy. But we’ve all got to do better.
To be honest, even before that incident, I was trying to get my anger together. I would let the actions of other people, even the simple comments, get under my skin and literally have an impact on at least half of my day. As my choir director would say, that’s giving more power to man than you do to God. So for some time now, I’ve found myself ignoring a lot of people, channeling my anger into my workouts, and learning to step back and evaluate what I’m getting ready to fuss about, instead of stepping out of my body and acting a fool. I’m still working with my anger issues, as its not something that goes away quickly, but this method has been working. If you have anger issues (not the type that you need to go to anger management for though, that’s a bit more serious) and find your self spazzing out to ensure people are treating you with respect, I would encourage you to do the same in order to calm down. Step back and ask yourself if what you’re peeved about is truly worth letting your day start off or end on a negative note and worth pulling away from your happiness. Chances are, it’s not, and it’s not worth it at all.
It appears Katt Williams and Suge Knight are now besties. We’ve heard about Katt Williams bugging out almost every week for the last month or so and finally – finally – Suge Knight has stepped up to tell us what the real problem is.
In regards to all his recent problems, Suge says this isn’t Katt’s fault. He told TMZ, “People test him because he’s small and the best comedian of all time.”
Of. All. Time.
The two were together in Seattle when Katt was arrested for being in a bar fight. Knight says they were watching the Seattle Seahawks/Chicago Bears football game – rooting for Chicago – and some fans were offended, so to speak. Allegedly, they started the fight so of course, Katt had to defend himself against the angry Seahawks fans. Knight says people do this all the time – starting trouble with Katt – and he “just don’t take no sh!t.”
By the way, Suge also likened Katt’s problems to those of Mike Tyson and the late Richard Pryor while they were in their glory years saying, “That’s what happens when you’re the best in the business. Sometimes you just have rough times.”
Clearly, Suge had a lot to say and doesn’t appreciate the way Katt has been “portrayed” by the media. But if he’s a real friend, hopefully, he’s trying to get in Katt’s ear as well and tell him he doesn’t have to react to everyone that “bothers” him.
Relationships are complicated. It’s not easy to maintain individuality while fostering the notion of a team effort. Some people are up to the challenge and work diligently to nurture they’re union, no matter what the circumstances. Others don’t even know where to begin. They live in a world where self sabotage comes natural. If you’re one of those people, you’ve probably engaged in a few of these behaviors. As a result, your relationship has ended or is most definitely on the verge of ending.
If you’d like to keep your union, cease the following…
Another week, another Twitter beef between Chris Brown and someone else in Hollywood. But this time, we can’t really fault him, because Brian McKnight is out here throwing shade for no reason. And as they say, don’t start none, won’t be none.
Much to his chagrin, once again, his foray into adult R&B music (with the release of his “Anal” track) isn’t being accepted with open arms and excitement. While the “Anytime” singer was probably hoping he would get some attention that would probably bring him back to the top, instead, folks have thrown out the scary I-word: “irrelevant.” So in response to the criticism, McKnight went in on a slew of famous black men with less than stellar reputations who still found a way to make big money and who he seems to think don’t receive enough criticism: R.Kelly, Floyd Mayweather, and of course, Breezy. It all allegedly started when a fan told him to go back to making quality music since his true fans weren’t going anywhere. In response, via Twitter, he said, “Really then why are record sales for everyone so low, why weren’t you on my timeline until now. Integrity won’t pay the mortgages, I will ask all of you how many of you would do your job for no pay?”
When that response wasn’t enough, he decided to go in on other folks and have a real conversation about what is and what isn’t “acceptable” since his new music doesn’t seem to be. See below:
Chris, who was touched upon in the Lambo a** whoopin’ comment, being young and crunk as always, decided to let him know what everyone was thinking: using other people’s names to get publicity is a big no, no. Especially when you’re a person who has allegedly had your own share of domestic violence issues…
“I see how this works now … When peoples’ careers get to the ‘nobody cares’ stage, they use my name for publicity! I can’t keep helping these old n*****. It’s a miracle the way I’m bringing the dead alive! I would’ve gladly wrote you something that would make u look less irrelevant! Listening to “let me show u how ur P works”!!!! THAT S— IS TRASH! If u need help just ask!”
Brian, Brian, Brian. I understand that the industry is changing and that frustrates you, but if you don’t sit down and get your life together and stop selling every bit of your self-respect to get attention, you will not only be just irrelevant, but you’ll go down as the bitter, irrelevant dude who sang the p***y song too. What type of legacy is that? Go back to the drawing board and come back to do quality music when you’ve got your mind right. Until then, there’s a seat in the corner for you. Take it.
Does Brian have a point, or should he just stop?
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Have you ever known a person who turned the light switch off and on on their personality so much that you didn’t know which personality was their true self? No? Okay, well me either then. But there are some celebrities who in some shape, form or fashion fit the bill. We’re not saying they’re totally unstable; we just notice that they seem to have “off” moments where one minute they’re cool as a cucumber, and the next, acting a piping hot fool. These 8 people don’t know what to do with themselves sometimes.
Our man 50 is always all over the place with his…entire being. In interviews he can generally be charismatic and make you laugh instantly. In his social media world, specifically Twitter, he can be a bit more…abrasive. He goes after his record label on a fairly regular basis, subliminally likes to “talk that talk” about other artists and just be a bit of a pain. Remember when he called Ciara a b***h and jumped in that crazy beef between Fabolous and Soulja Boy? Who is he? Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Nice Once In A Blue Moon Guy?
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. On its best day, the site is great for social networking, catching up with old friends and spreading awareness about your own personal business ventures and life events. On its worst day, Facebook is a place for people to overindulge in self-promotion, irrelevant drama and become way too informed about other people’s personal lives. At the end of the day it’s all about discretion, and one of the things that Mark Zuckerberg has taught me is that there’s one thing people love talking about more than other people: themselves. Take a look as I poke fun at 10 annoying behaviors that you can find on “The Book.”
Got Bank of America? Well, it might be time that you switched over to another bank. Uh, any other bank at this point, because the company has decided to charge its customers $5 a month to use their debit cards when they shop. Because of this decision, stocks for the company have literally already started to decline (a 2 percent decrease in late morning trading according to The Washington Post), not to mention many people have taken to social media to have the biggest unanimous fit ever. On The Washington Post‘s site, one commentator said the following:
“Bank of America is so sad that it cannot make money off of their bogus overdraft fees (overdraft charges applied before CHARGES EVEN CAME IN TO BE PAID AND ON $2 DEBIT CARD TRANSACTIONS). So they have figured out a new way to screw the consumer. This consumer refuses to be screwed anymore. Good bye, Bank of America.”
One over on The Los Angeles Times‘ site had this to say: “Use Credit Union or change to local banks. These people are pigs – got a bail out – paid their CEO’s large amounts of money and now this!!! You have be kidding!!!”
Bank of America’s new debit fee came out as a response to the recent legislation sponsored by Representative Richard Durbin, which reduced the amount of money banks could collect from consumers when they use their cards in stores. With the numerous lawsuits against the company, major layoffs and huge losses already, this is not a good look for the company whatsoever. Another PR nightmare if I must say so myself. But just to be clear, the fee will be charged once a month and will not apply to ATM withdrawals, online bill payments or money transfers. Now that this has happened, I guess this is a good time for non-Bank of America users to rep your bank! Who should Bank of America customers switch over to?
An average day can be made that much more pleasant or painful depending on how you’re treated in trivial interactions with both acquaintances and strangers alike. You won’t catch me flipping out over much, but poor customer service is enough to get the expletives flowing out of me like an Eminem single. These days, people would rather mind their business than mind their manners, which unfortunately means that common courtesy is growing increasingly more uncommon. You don’t have to sacrifice keeping it real in order to not be rude. Check out a few ways to add a bit of courtesy into each day:
It’s morning. And no, don’t starting singing “As We Lay.”
If you’re like me in the mornings, you’re not in very much of a mood to sing. Hell, you barely want to roll out of bed. But sometimes a good shower and a quick snack can get a slow starting day off on the right foot. But other days, you wake up late, you hit your knee on the corner of your bed and jump around in pain, and something tells you, this day is about to be WACK! Being the moody person I am, when I have good mornings, I want the world to know, and when I have bad mornings…that’s the norm. Here’s a few things that I think you’ll agree can have your day starting all wrong.
Has anyone ever told you that you are sensitive? Didn’t it hurt your feelings!? Yeah, that’s probably because you actually are sensitive boo…There’s no shame in that though. I’m a bit sensitive myself from time to time, but as long as you recognize that you are and put yourself in check when you need to, you should be all good. But that’s where the issue comes in. Most people who take things too personally won’t acknowledge the fact that they are indeed sensitive. So to help those folks out, aka you, here are a few signs you should be on the lookout for so you can come to terms with your sensitivity.