All Articles Tagged "advice"

Hey Madame: He Hasn’t Mentioned Love, Like, Or A Relationship; What Is He Thinking?

November 12th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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He Hasn't Mentioned Love

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Hey Madame,

My name is Princess and I met a guy about two months ago now, but he works too much and hardly makes time for anything. He’s taken me out for dinner, he’s taken me to the movie, he stopped by my house after work to see me and chat with me in his car for about 45 minutes to an hour; we sheared some stuff about each other like age, family and etc, and he said stuff about taking me to meet his mum. He texts and calls me any time he gets a chance, sends me his pictures of some events, on request though, but gets very worried any time he calls and doesn’t get me on line and he hasn’t said anything about love or like or a relationship. What could be in his mind, what should I hope for?

Lauren: Hey Princess, Based on his actions, I think you should inquire as to what his intentions are. Depending on his answer, you can determine whether you want to continue seeing him or not. In the meantime, if you meet another guy, give him a chance too. Dating around can allow you to observe men and who has character — an important quality that will elevate and sustain a great relationship. Most importantly, dating multiple men can give you insight on what you want in terms of a long term relationship. Know what you want, because your emotions and needs come first.

Jazmine: People make time for what’s important to them. You said that your guy works a lot and barely has time for anything, yet he’s able to find time to consistently stay in touch with you and take you on dates. This is a good sign. If you’re feeling that you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level with this guy, there’s nothing wrong with asking what his intentions are. This is your life too and you deserve to know the direction that this relationship is headed in.

Veronica: I think the best and really only way to find out would be to just ask him. I don’t think seeing or dating someone for two months, without any expressed commitment or intentions, is necessarily a problem. He’s either still probably trying to figure out what’s going on between the two or you or he may even be seeing other people. And as long as he’s not saying the two of you are exclusive, then there’s nothing wrong with that.

But on the other hand, you certainly have a right to know where you stand. And if you want more from him, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it now before you get in too deep.

Victoria: Honestly, some of the activities you’ve both taken part in together sound a lot more like friendship than a romantic courting stage. I wouldn’t expect for him to say anything about love after only two months. But I wonder, did you ever tell him what it is you’re looking for? No need to wonder about what his next move will be. If you want a relationship (and it seems you want something serious since you asked about the L-word), you should tell him that’s what you’re seeking/want for yourself. From there he can let you know if he can provide you with that or if he will need to move on. But a lot of the time, it’s best to just let these guys know, as early as possible at that, what your expectations are. That way, you won’t feel disappointed, led on or like the ball is completely in his court, and he will know all these expectations you have.

Brande: Princess, I don’t think you should hope for anything. You should ask for what you want and if he won’t give it to you you must move on. Two months isn’t a long period of time to get to know someone so I wouldn’t be concerned that love and a relationship haven’t come up yet. But, you should have a sense of whether the man likes you or not, and that is something that would be shown by his actions. From the few things you noted, I get the gist that his actions don’t measure up to you and if that’s the case, call him on it. Ask him if he’s interested in dating you and can see your friendship turning into something more. If he says yes, let it be known you need him to demonstrate that by his actions and make time for you. You also need to make it clear that you have other obligations too so he shouldn’t be questioning you when you don’t immediately answer or return his calls — especially since you aren’t in a relationship and you don’t even know if you’re “in like.”

Hey Madame: How Do I Tell My Man I Need More Sexually?

October 29th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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 I Need More Sexually

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Hey Madame,

How do I tell my man I need more sexually without hurting his feelings? By more I mean foreplay, endurance, and oral. He doesn’t do oral and I miiiiiiiissssss that. Basically, we just do it and go to sleep. I need passion and lengthy sessions. Please help because I’m thinking of cheating even though I don’t want to. I love this man dearly.

Veronica:  I just think you need to tell him. And there’s a great chance that you might hurt his feelings. But his response will tell you a lot, so pay attention. Tell him that you need more foreplay and perhaps suggest things he can do for endurance’s sake. (Do your own research.) And then ask him why he’s so anti-oral. If there’s no swaying him on that, then you’ll need to ask yourself if that’s something you require in a relationship. But uhhh… about that cheating thing? Naw. That’s a very punk move. Tell him you’re not satisfied, if he doesn’t respond well, break up. Cheating will only come to the light later and karma is very real. If you love this man as much as you say you do, cheating could mean losing him forever. Good luck.

Victoria: Don’t cheat. You should make the effort first to let your man know that you want to improve the sexual relationship that you have, and if he is resistant to change to the point that you’re unhappy, you should just leave before you step out. I would also encourage you to try and change things up on your own if you want things to be more passionate in the bedroom (you should still let him know your concerns though). Try some different positions by taking charge in executing them. Often times we want more but we expect men to do more in order to make that happen.

Initiate longer “make out sessions.” Bring in certain toys, lingerie or products to spice things up.Tell him in a tender way before you get straight into intercourse what exactly it is that you want (including him going down on you). Foreplay will definitely lead to longer sessions so do what you can to continuously encourage more kissing (when he tries to jump into intercourse, lightly resist–making him wait will be worth it), more oral play, more things that will keep you satisfied. They do say that closed mouths don’t get fed… Certain things might require more than just spicing it up between the two of you, as in the whole endurance issue. He might need to get in the gym, change up his diet or see a doctor about that. But for everything else, if you love this man dearly, you both should be able to work together to improve the sex life that you have together.

Jazmine: Cheating is definitely NOT the answer. It just sounds like the two of you need to work on improving your sex life. There are ways of communicating your wants and desires without being harsh or critical. Instead of beginning your statement with what he’s doing wrong, praise him for what he’s doing right and then make your suggestions. For example: “I really like when you do XYZ, but you know what I’d really like to try…” I’d also take advantage of that conversation as an opportunity to find out if there’s anything he’d like for you to do or try.

Lingerie almost always helps and as some have already suggested, I think doing research is pertinent because there’s so much information out there. It’s difficult to make suggestions when you’re not quite sure what you want yourself. Perhaps you can purchase a book on different positions and suggest that the two of you commit to trying some of the out. Also, it takes two to tango. There’s nothing wrong with you stepping up and taking charge.

I’m not really sure what to say about his refusal to perform oral. Maybe find out what his hang ups about it are and then move forward from there?

It really just sounds like you guys need to work on being comfortable enough to communicate your wants in the bedroom.

Brande: You have to have a conversation and, frankly, you probably should have had it before the first time you got it in — or at least after. If you like receiving oral sex and he hates performing it, it’s unlikely you’ll ever get the sexual pleasure you need. Plus, your man has been going along all this time thinking he’s doing his thing and he’s clearly not so it’s likely he won’t be too receptive to this feedback, at least initially. Tell him you’re not getting the pleasure you need and that sex is just as much about the intimacy around it as it is the physical act; hence he needs to spend more time getting you in the mood so you enjoy the moment just as much as he hopefully does. Whatever you do, don’t cheat. Walk away from the relationship before you do that. It’s not the answer and you know it.

Lauren: I think you need to assess why cheating would even be an option for you. As much as sex is physical, it is also a mental and emotional experience. Do you feel connected in these ways with your partner? Besides this, I think it is important you speak about how you feel with your significant other. In order to strengthen your sexual relationship, your communication needs to be sound. If you two cannot speak about what troubles you (or him) in the bedroom maturely without taking offense, it would be worth the thought to examine your personal hangups. Many couples say once they put each other’s needs first, everything aligns for them. Try that method, happy snuggling and then some!

15 Embarrassing Sex Questions We’re All Afraid to Ask (And Their Answers)

October 16th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Is it supposed to smell like that? What’s a normal amount of orgasms? It can be hard to find someone who’ll respond to your embarrassing sex questions. So we gathered the answers right here.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Can I Break His Penis?

The uncomfortable truth?: sort of. The penis isn’t a bone so it can’t technically break. But you can fracture it during vigorous sex by accidentally bending it. It’s a serious and painful injury that will involve a few awkward conversations in the ER and almost immediate surgery.

15 Habits For A Healthy Relationship

September 29th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Looking for a clear way to a happy and healthy relationship? It can be as easy as practicing these healthy habits of people in healthy relationships. Put in a little effort every day and it could pay off big in the long run.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Never Say Anything You’ll Regret

Healthy couples know that hurtful words are written in permanent ink. Instead of letting go and apologizing later, avoid making those digs in the first place. You’ll avoid putting hairline cracks in your relationship that could fracture it later.

15 Things We All Thought We’d Have Figured Out By Now

September 29th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Remember when you still believed in a thing called “grown up?” Now that you’re officially an adult — and counting — it turns out that adulthood makes a lot less sense than you thought it would. That’s why most of these things we thought we’d have figured out by now we don’t.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Money

Remember watching episodes of Cribs and planning your own multi-million dollar decor? But now you’re dealing with real financial realities like how old is too old to still be accepting help from your parents?

15 Things You Never Have To Apologize For

September 25th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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There are plenty of things to say “sorry” for, but when it comes to living the life you want there are certain things that you should never have to apologize for.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Acting on Your Instincts

Have a feeling that he’s cheating? Did you just know it was the right decision? Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Some of the world’s most successful people have gotten to where they are by listening to their guts.

15 Super Simple Ways To Earn More Money

September 9th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Could you earn more money by staying in the same position? While rare, it is possible. By making just a few simple changes to your resume, job title, or even your facial expressions you can add zeros to your salary pretty soon — either at the same company or your next one.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Smile More

A recent study pointed to likeability as one of the number one ways you can increase your salary . Employers who think you’ll work well with others and find you generally likable during your interview are more likely to pay you more. So pick up a copy of How to Win Friends And Influence People and smile your way to getting paid more for the work you’re already doing.

15 Terrible Reasons To Break Up

September 9th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Wondering if you should stay or if you should go? Well if these are your problems, you’re doing just fine. Bail for these reasons and prepare to be salty when the next chick realizes they’re really no big deal.

 Reasons To Break Up

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He’s A Bad Kisser

Too much saliva? Open mouth kisses that reach your nose? OK. Bad kisses can be pretty bad. Luckily, kissing is a teachable skill. If you love everything else about him, sit him down for a little kissing school with a lot of positive reinforcement. Not only will your relationship heat up, but you’ll be dating your own custom-made kisser.

14 Things Your Parents Were Right About

September 2nd, 2014 - By Kendra Koger
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When you are a child, your parents can be amazing and annoying all at the same time (amazingly annoying, I like that).  Most of the time it’s because they always seem to be giving useless advice that is not helping you when you need assistance.  However, as you get older you begin to see that there was actually a lot of knowledge that they dropped on you.

Some advice came off as callous in the moment, but are gems that you might stand by today.

Here are a few, and let me know what gems your parents told you when you were younger that finally makes sense now.

15 Great Things That Happen After A Breakup

September 2nd, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Breakups are always terrible. But after the storm, some of those clouds have silver linings.

15 Great Things That Happen After A Breakup

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You Reconnect with Your Friends

They say that for every serious relationship you have, you lose two friends. But that doesn’t have to be permanent. Now that you’re not occupied with a significant other you can reconnect with the friends that got left behind.