All Articles Tagged "advice"

Hey Madame: How Do I Tell My Man I Need More Sexually?

October 29th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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 I Need More Sexually

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Hey Madame,

How do I tell my man I need more sexually without hurting his feelings? By more I mean foreplay, endurance, and oral. He doesn’t do oral and I miiiiiiiissssss that. Basically, we just do it and go to sleep. I need passion and lengthy sessions. Please help because I’m thinking of cheating even though I don’t want to. I love this man dearly.

Veronica:  I just think you need to tell him. And there’s a great chance that you might hurt his feelings. But his response will tell you a lot, so pay attention. Tell him that you need more foreplay and perhaps suggest things he can do for endurance’s sake. (Do your own research.) And then ask him why he’s so anti-oral. If there’s no swaying him on that, then you’ll need to ask yourself if that’s something you require in a relationship. But uhhh… about that cheating thing? Naw. That’s a very punk move. Tell him you’re not satisfied, if he doesn’t respond well, break up. Cheating will only come to the light later and karma is very real. If you love this man as much as you say you do, cheating could mean losing him forever. Good luck.

Victoria: Don’t cheat. You should make the effort first to let your man know that you want to improve the sexual relationship that you have, and if he is resistant to change to the point that you’re unhappy, you should just leave before you step out. I would also encourage you to try and change things up on your own if you want things to be more passionate in the bedroom (you should still let him know your concerns though). Try some different positions by taking charge in executing them. Often times we want more but we expect men to do more in order to make that happen.

Initiate longer “make out sessions.” Bring in certain toys, lingerie or products to spice things up.Tell him in a tender way before you get straight into intercourse what exactly it is that you want (including him going down on you). Foreplay will definitely lead to longer sessions so do what you can to continuously encourage more kissing (when he tries to jump into intercourse, lightly resist–making him wait will be worth it), more oral play, more things that will keep you satisfied. They do say that closed mouths don’t get fed… Certain things might require more than just spicing it up between the two of you, as in the whole endurance issue. He might need to get in the gym, change up his diet or see a doctor about that. But for everything else, if you love this man dearly, you both should be able to work together to improve the sex life that you have together.

Jazmine: Cheating is definitely NOT the answer. It just sounds like the two of you need to work on improving your sex life. There are ways of communicating your wants and desires without being harsh or critical. Instead of beginning your statement with what he’s doing wrong, praise him for what he’s doing right and then make your suggestions. For example: “I really like when you do XYZ, but you know what I’d really like to try…” I’d also take advantage of that conversation as an opportunity to find out if there’s anything he’d like for you to do or try.

Lingerie almost always helps and as some have already suggested, I think doing research is pertinent because there’s so much information out there. It’s difficult to make suggestions when you’re not quite sure what you want yourself. Perhaps you can purchase a book on different positions and suggest that the two of you commit to trying some of the out. Also, it takes two to tango. There’s nothing wrong with you stepping up and taking charge.

I’m not really sure what to say about his refusal to perform oral. Maybe find out what his hang ups about it are and then move forward from there?

It really just sounds like you guys need to work on being comfortable enough to communicate your wants in the bedroom.

Brande: You have to have a conversation and, frankly, you probably should have had it before the first time you got it in — or at least after. If you like receiving oral sex and he hates performing it, it’s unlikely you’ll ever get the sexual pleasure you need. Plus, your man has been going along all this time thinking he’s doing his thing and he’s clearly not so it’s likely he won’t be too receptive to this feedback, at least initially. Tell him you’re not getting the pleasure you need and that sex is just as much about the intimacy around it as it is the physical act; hence he needs to spend more time getting you in the mood so you enjoy the moment just as much as he hopefully does. Whatever you do, don’t cheat. Walk away from the relationship before you do that. It’s not the answer and you know it.

Lauren: I think you need to assess why cheating would even be an option for you. As much as sex is physical, it is also a mental and emotional experience. Do you feel connected in these ways with your partner? Besides this, I think it is important you speak about how you feel with your significant other. In order to strengthen your sexual relationship, your communication needs to be sound. If you two cannot speak about what troubles you (or him) in the bedroom maturely without taking offense, it would be worth the thought to examine your personal hangups. Many couples say once they put each other’s needs first, everything aligns for them. Try that method, happy snuggling and then some!

15 Embarrassing Sex Questions We’re All Afraid to Ask (And Their Answers)

October 16th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Is it supposed to smell like that? What’s a normal amount of orgasms? It can be hard to find someone who’ll respond to your embarrassing sex questions. So we gathered the answers right here.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Can I Break His Penis?

The uncomfortable truth?: sort of. The penis isn’t a bone so it can’t technically break. But you can fracture it during vigorous sex by accidentally bending it. It’s a serious and painful injury that will involve a few awkward conversations in the ER and almost immediate surgery.

15 Habits For A Healthy Relationship

September 29th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Looking for a clear way to a happy and healthy relationship? It can be as easy as practicing these healthy habits of people in healthy relationships. Put in a little effort every day and it could pay off big in the long run.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Never Say Anything You’ll Regret

Healthy couples know that hurtful words are written in permanent ink. Instead of letting go and apologizing later, avoid making those digs in the first place. You’ll avoid putting hairline cracks in your relationship that could fracture it later.

15 Things We All Thought We’d Have Figured Out By Now

September 29th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Remember when you still believed in a thing called “grown up?” Now that you’re officially an adult — and counting — it turns out that adulthood makes a lot less sense than you thought it would. That’s why most of these things we thought we’d have figured out by now we don’t.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Money

Remember watching episodes of Cribs and planning your own multi-million dollar decor? But now you’re dealing with real financial realities like how old is too old to still be accepting help from your parents?

15 Things You Never Have To Apologize For

September 25th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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There are plenty of things to say “sorry” for, but when it comes to living the life you want there are certain things that you should never have to apologize for.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Acting on Your Instincts

Have a feeling that he’s cheating? Did you just know it was the right decision? Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Some of the world’s most successful people have gotten to where they are by listening to their guts.

15 Super Simple Ways To Earn More Money

September 9th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Could you earn more money by staying in the same position? While rare, it is possible. By making just a few simple changes to your resume, job title, or even your facial expressions you can add zeros to your salary pretty soon — either at the same company or your next one.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Smile More

A recent study pointed to likeability as one of the number one ways you can increase your salary . Employers who think you’ll work well with others and find you generally likable during your interview are more likely to pay you more. So pick up a copy of How to Win Friends And Influence People and smile your way to getting paid more for the work you’re already doing.

15 Terrible Reasons To Break Up

September 9th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Wondering if you should stay or if you should go? Well if these are your problems, you’re doing just fine. Bail for these reasons and prepare to be salty when the next chick realizes they’re really no big deal.

 Reasons To Break Up

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He’s A Bad Kisser

Too much saliva? Open mouth kisses that reach your nose? OK. Bad kisses can be pretty bad. Luckily, kissing is a teachable skill. If you love everything else about him, sit him down for a little kissing school with a lot of positive reinforcement. Not only will your relationship heat up, but you’ll be dating your own custom-made kisser.

14 Things Your Parents Were Right About

September 2nd, 2014 - By Kendra Koger
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When you are a child, your parents can be amazing and annoying all at the same time (amazingly annoying, I like that).  Most of the time it’s because they always seem to be giving useless advice that is not helping you when you need assistance.  However, as you get older you begin to see that there was actually a lot of knowledge that they dropped on you.

Some advice came off as callous in the moment, but are gems that you might stand by today.

Here are a few, and let me know what gems your parents told you when you were younger that finally makes sense now.

15 Great Things That Happen After A Breakup

September 2nd, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Breakups are always terrible. But after the storm, some of those clouds have silver linings.

15 Great Things That Happen After A Breakup

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You Reconnect with Your Friends

They say that for every serious relationship you have, you lose two friends. But that doesn’t have to be permanent. Now that you’re not occupied with a significant other you can reconnect with the friends that got left behind.

Hey Madame: Every Time My Boyfriend Messes Up I Want To Go Back To My Ex

August 27th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Go Back To My Ex

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Hey Madame,

In my previous relationship, I was madly and unconditionally in love with my boyfriend. We meant the world to each other but I felt he didn’t trust me. When I confronted him, he would say it’s because he is jealous. Despite all the issues we had, we were in love with each other and I never imagined us breaking up. But one day, one of my distant uncles discouraged me from dating my boyfriend because he apparently was not from a good home. This really hurt me but I took it to heart and decided to look at all the negatives and pulled out. I’m now in a different relationship but I’m still in love with my ex. Every time my current boyfriend fails it makes me think of my ex. I really love my ex but my current boyfriend is so good to. Should I go back to my ex despite what my uncle said or should I continue loving to my current boyfriend ?

Jazmine: You should truly get to the root of why you broke up with your ex-boyfriend. Was it solely based on the things that your uncle brought to your attention or was it that he did not trust you? Only after you get to the root of that will you be able to accurately assess whether or not you should go back to your ex-boyfriend. What will make things different this time around? Has he changed at all?

As for your current boyfriend, I believe that you have him in a very unfair position. For one, you’re constantly comparing him to your ex-boyfriend and honestly, you don’t seem to be very into him. If you’re willing to leave him for someone else, then you should probably ask yourself whether or not you actually love him in the first place.

I’m not sure how much time passed between your last relationship and your current, but perhaps you should spend some time alone so that you are able to truly sort things out and figure out what you want to do with a clear head.

Veronica: Your letter makes me think you’re imagining your past relationship to be better than what it really was. You said you loved your ex unconditionally but the trust issues, more than your uncle’s “he’s not from a good home” analysis, let you know it was time to bounce. Trust issues aren’t problems you can gloss over. Even if you love someone, not trusting that person–or him not trusting you– can doom your relationship. Which is exactly what happened to you before. You need to figure out if you’re really satisfied with your current boyfriend. Do you only think about your ex when your current man messes up? If you decide to leave your current guy, I wouldn’t suggest going back to your ex, simply because it might not be the fairy tale you imagined.

Lauren: It appears you do not trust your own instincts. Your uncle or whomever should not have the power to direct the course of your relationship — especially an uncle who you consider to be a distant relative. Also, your uncle does not know your significant other in the same capacity as you do. I think for the moment, it would be best for you not to go back to your ex. He doesn’t know how to trust a partner because he has jealousy issues. That factor will not produce a healthy relationship. As for your current boyfriend, I do not think it is fair to be with him if you do not love him and if you constantly compare him to your ex-boyfriend.

Victoria: The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. While you say your uncle played a big role in your decision to leave your ex, you’re an adult and you knew your ex better than anyone. Chances are you had your reasons for wanting to move on and did just that. But it does seem that you still have deep feelings for your ex. In my opinion before you try to rekindle an old flame, make sure you wouldn’t be walking back into the same situation that made you leave in the first place. And the jealousy sounds like it was a big problem for you guys. And if you do want to be with your ex, have respect enough for your new man to be honest with him about what you’re feeling  and leave before you try to get that old thing back. If he’s been good to you he deserves that much.

Brande: Don’t go back to your ex and seriously consider whether you want to be with your current partner. We all have a tendency to look back on past relationships with rose-tinted glasses and wonder “what if,” but when we do so, we’re usually omitting all the negative issues that caused the relationship to end. Jealousy is not a small issue to deal with. Something besides your uncle told you to leave your ex alone — your intuition — and it seems you were right to follow it. As for the current man, are you really happy with him or was he just a rebound after breaking up with your ex? Every time a man falters you shouldn’t want to throw in the towel and go back to someone else unless you truly feel unfulfilled. It may be a good time for you to spend some time alone figuring out what you really want.

 

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