All Articles Tagged "advice"
Looking for a clear way to a happy and healthy relationship? It can be as easy as practicing these healthy habits of people in healthy relationships. Put in a little effort every day and it could pay off big in the long run.
Never Say Anything You’ll Regret
Healthy couples know that hurtful words are written in permanent ink. Instead of letting go and apologizing later, avoid making those digs in the first place. You’ll avoid putting hairline cracks in your relationship that could fracture it later.
Remember when you still believed in a thing called “grown up?” Now that you’re officially an adult — and counting — it turns out that adulthood makes a lot less sense than you thought it would. That’s why most of these things we thought we’d have figured out by now we don’t.
Remember watching episodes of Cribs and planning your own multi-million dollar decor? But now you’re dealing with real financial realities like how old is too old to still be accepting help from your parents?
There are plenty of things to say “sorry” for, but when it comes to living the life you want there are certain things that you should never have to apologize for.
Acting on Your Instincts
Have a feeling that he’s cheating? Did you just know it was the right decision? Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Some of the world’s most successful people have gotten to where they are by listening to their guts.
Could you earn more money by staying in the same position? While rare, it is possible. By making just a few simple changes to your resume, job title, or even your facial expressions you can add zeros to your salary pretty soon — either at the same company or your next one.
A recent study pointed to likeability as one of the number one ways you can increase your salary . Employers who think you’ll work well with others and find you generally likable during your interview are more likely to pay you more. So pick up a copy of How to Win Friends And Influence People and smile your way to getting paid more for the work you’re already doing.
Wondering if you should stay or if you should go? Well if these are your problems, you’re doing just fine. Bail for these reasons and prepare to be salty when the next chick realizes they’re really no big deal.
He’s A Bad Kisser
Too much saliva? Open mouth kisses that reach your nose? OK. Bad kisses can be pretty bad. Luckily, kissing is a teachable skill. If you love everything else about him, sit him down for a little kissing school with a lot of positive reinforcement. Not only will your relationship heat up, but you’ll be dating your own custom-made kisser.
When you are a child, your parents can be amazing and annoying all at the same time (amazingly annoying, I like that). Most of the time it’s because they always seem to be giving useless advice that is not helping you when you need assistance. However, as you get older you begin to see that there was actually a lot of knowledge that they dropped on you.
Some advice came off as callous in the moment, but are gems that you might stand by today.
Here are a few, and let me know what gems your parents told you when you were younger that finally makes sense now.
Breakups are always terrible. But after the storm, some of those clouds have silver linings.
You Reconnect with Your Friends
They say that for every serious relationship you have, you lose two friends. But that doesn’t have to be permanent. Now that you’re not occupied with a significant other you can reconnect with the friends that got left behind.
In my previous relationship, I was madly and unconditionally in love with my boyfriend. We meant the world to each other but I felt he didn’t trust me. When I confronted him, he would say it’s because he is jealous. Despite all the issues we had, we were in love with each other and I never imagined us breaking up. But one day, one of my distant uncles discouraged me from dating my boyfriend because he apparently was not from a good home. This really hurt me but I took it to heart and decided to look at all the negatives and pulled out. I’m now in a different relationship but I’m still in love with my ex. Every time my current boyfriend fails it makes me think of my ex. I really love my ex but my current boyfriend is so good to. Should I go back to my ex despite what my uncle said or should I continue loving to my current boyfriend ?
Jazmine: You should truly get to the root of why you broke up with your ex-boyfriend. Was it solely based on the things that your uncle brought to your attention or was it that he did not trust you? Only after you get to the root of that will you be able to accurately assess whether or not you should go back to your ex-boyfriend. What will make things different this time around? Has he changed at all?
As for your current boyfriend, I believe that you have him in a very unfair position. For one, you’re constantly comparing him to your ex-boyfriend and honestly, you don’t seem to be very into him. If you’re willing to leave him for someone else, then you should probably ask yourself whether or not you actually love him in the first place.
I’m not sure how much time passed between your last relationship and your current, but perhaps you should spend some time alone so that you are able to truly sort things out and figure out what you want to do with a clear head.
Veronica: Your letter makes me think you’re imagining your past relationship to be better than what it really was. You said you loved your ex unconditionally but the trust issues, more than your uncle’s “he’s not from a good home” analysis, let you know it was time to bounce. Trust issues aren’t problems you can gloss over. Even if you love someone, not trusting that person–or him not trusting you– can doom your relationship. Which is exactly what happened to you before. You need to figure out if you’re really satisfied with your current boyfriend. Do you only think about your ex when your current man messes up? If you decide to leave your current guy, I wouldn’t suggest going back to your ex, simply because it might not be the fairy tale you imagined.
Lauren: It appears you do not trust your own instincts. Your uncle or whomever should not have the power to direct the course of your relationship — especially an uncle who you consider to be a distant relative. Also, your uncle does not know your significant other in the same capacity as you do. I think for the moment, it would be best for you not to go back to your ex. He doesn’t know how to trust a partner because he has jealousy issues. That factor will not produce a healthy relationship. As for your current boyfriend, I do not think it is fair to be with him if you do not love him and if you constantly compare him to your ex-boyfriend.
Victoria: The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. While you say your uncle played a big role in your decision to leave your ex, you’re an adult and you knew your ex better than anyone. Chances are you had your reasons for wanting to move on and did just that. But it does seem that you still have deep feelings for your ex. In my opinion before you try to rekindle an old flame, make sure you wouldn’t be walking back into the same situation that made you leave in the first place. And the jealousy sounds like it was a big problem for you guys. And if you do want to be with your ex, have respect enough for your new man to be honest with him about what you’re feeling and leave before you try to get that old thing back. If he’s been good to you he deserves that much.
Brande: Don’t go back to your ex and seriously consider whether you want to be with your current partner. We all have a tendency to look back on past relationships with rose-tinted glasses and wonder “what if,” but when we do so, we’re usually omitting all the negative issues that caused the relationship to end. Jealousy is not a small issue to deal with. Something besides your uncle told you to leave your ex alone — your intuition — and it seems you were right to follow it. As for the current man, are you really happy with him or was he just a rebound after breaking up with your ex? Every time a man falters you shouldn’t want to throw in the towel and go back to someone else unless you truly feel unfulfilled. It may be a good time for you to spend some time alone figuring out what you really want.
Hey Madame is our new advice column featuring each MadameNoire editors’ take on reader questions, giving you a wide range of perspectives on topics like you’d get from any good group of girlfriends. Read, enjoy, and if you have a question, email it to us at email@example.com!
I’m dating this guy but anytime we talk about religion we end up breaking up. This is my third try now. Any advice?
Brande: Religious differences are a hard thing to overcome because spiritual beliefs determine how people of faith live their lives and, honestly, I’m not sure they’re supposed to be overcome. Christian theology advises that partners be “evenly yoked” and judging by your past three breakups it sounds like your yoke is quite uneasy. Whether intolerance or a difference of opinion is what sparks these breakups, it’s unlikely that this same issue won’t come up again because you two seem to not share the same basic spiritual foundation, which is a key element in sustaining a healthy relationship as a religious/spiritual person. Don’t compromise that just because everything else seems good.
Jazmine: Judging by your question, I am guessing that you two have different religious beliefs. While this can present a major issue in relationships, it seems that the bigger issue between you and your guy is that the two of you are having trouble communicating, which can completely destroy a relationship. My advice would be to address the communication issues that you two are experiencing before you even begin tackling a discussion about religion.
Lauren: First you have to think about how important religion is to you and if it should be that important to your significant other as well. Then you have to think about whether you want your partner to have the same religious values as you. Once you have figured that out, your conversation with your boyfriend should become easier because you have an understanding of what you expect. If your boyfriend does not meet your expectations, you should tell him — not for him to change but for you both to have a better understanding of what you both want out of your religious/spiritual lives and relationship. His different views don’t make him a bad person but they do show whether you can be with a person like him long term.
Veronica: I know there are people in interfaith relationships and they make it work. Personally, it’s not a concept I can completely grasp. I know love is strong but I’m also of the mindset that anyone can love someone else. I say that to say just because you love someone that’s not always an absolute reason to be together. Religious beliefs are typically pretty high on the priority list so it’s only natural that things can get heated when you don’t agree on what both of you consider to be fundamental truths. You all can agree to stop discussing religion but I’d bet it would come up again and again, since religion is more than just doctrine. It’s doctrine by which you live your life. All of that was a very roundabout way of saying I don’t know how you can proceed in this relationship, especially since it’s already caused three breakups…not arguments, breakups. I’d say that’s a pretty clear indicator that neither one of you are going to change and you might need to stay broken up.
Victoria: It seems as though religion isn’t something he is comfortable discussing, so that might mean he doesn’t believe in organized religion (or he could be atheist). You could try approaching him about the matter one more time and reiterating how important the topic is to you, but it does seem as though he just might not be the right guy for you. It seems that your religion is very important if you want to discuss it often; therefore the real question is: can you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in what you do and stand on the same principles? Some people can do it. But can you? You should be able to discuss these things with him and not feel like you have to compromise a key part of who you are to have him in your life. So yeah, try chatting with him one more time to see where he stands, but I would recommend not staying around longer than you need to if you feel like you guys won’t be able to come to a compromise of sorts. Good luck with everything.
Some guys can be surprisingly clueless when it comes to sex. If he’s still making these beginner mistakes, it could be time to have that awkward conversation about why doing it with him just isn’t doing it for you.
Foreplay Is Always Necessary
Instant rip-your-clothes-off chemistry is rare. Women are just wired to warm up. But if he’s willing to put in the time it’s better for everyone involved.