All Articles Tagged "Adoption"
Tips on Finding Your Surrogate Family
Sometimes your biological family either cannot or will not be there for you. Maybe, like me, you live far away from home or your biological family is abusive, emotionally distant, or reclusive. Whatever the reason, being alone can be tough. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and a cheerleader in their corner. Spouses and significant others can help fill the void, but they may come and go.
The good news is, if your real family is absent, you can create a group of close friends who act as your surrogate family. As an adult, forming deep friendships can be difficult with jobs, kids, and spouses. However, with some patience and effort, you can find your surrogate family. Here are some suggestions to get you started.
Are You Ready to Adopt a Relative?
Deaths, drugs, finances, unplanned pregnancies—many of us face these issues with close friends and family. Out of love, we do our best to help, especially when children are involved. Following our emotions, some of us (me included) would adopt every child on the street that didn’t come from a stable, loving home. However, in reality, adopting (or taking in) a child is not as simple as it appears.
There is much that comes with parenting and even more that comes with a child who isn’t biologically yours—particularly true in Losing Isaiah scenarios and step-parenting on non-custodial side of things. What happens when you invest your love into a child as if they were your own, make them a part of your family and, suddenly, ten years later their biological mother gets clean and wants to regain custody? Or, what about trying to integrate an outside child into your family culture every other weekend?
Though the reward usually outweighs the inconvenience and sacrifice, adopting a relative can be taxing which is why you should ask yourself a few questions before making the leap into non-biological parenthood:
- Do you have the ability to love the child more than you love yourself?
It’s a no-brainer for most mothers as to whether or not they would sacrifice their well-being on account of their children. At the moment of birth something clicks and suddenly they are struck with the capacity to love unconditionally, selflessly. Parenthood often requires one to put their needs on the backburner to meet those of children—for better or worse, rich or poor. Would you be willing to give that child the last bite with no way to feed yourself? - Are you being driven by emotions or clear thought?
Emotions are unpredictable and deceiving; they flutter up and down, left to right. Remove your emotions from the decision and weigh out the pros and cons when your feelings are at rest. That way, you can accurately assess the situation and how you would tackle potential issues in the future. - Are you flexible?
If you’re an idealist, a less than traditional parenting setup may not be a good idea for you. Consider how firm you are on being The Mom and only mom. Ask yourself if you would wish the biological parents away or be open to making them a part of the child’s life. Adoption is an alternative form of parenting, which means it also requires a non-traditional approach. - Can you afford it?
No, you don’t need a million dollars to become a parent; but it costs money to raise children. Take a look at your finances and adjust your current budget with the added expenses of a child in mind. If you work, is there room for child care expenses? Can you buy school clothes and pay for dental appointments? - Do you really want to raise someone else’s child?
Taking a child in is a huge commitment and you have to be dedicated to that child as if they were your own, which is easier planned than done.
Adopting a new relative changes your life instantly. Think and pray through it before acting.
LaShaun Williams is a Madame Noire contributor and columnist whose work has appeared in the New York Times and across several popular sites, such as HuffPost Black Voices and the Grio. For more information, visit her blogPolitically Unapologetic or follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun and Facebook.
Bachelor Takes in 5 Siblings, Cousin
(Chicago Sun Times) – In early 2009, LeVan Williams was living the bachelor’s dream. He was a young, successful, pharmaceutical salesman, making a good salary and living in his posh Bronzeville condo. He holds several degrees, including biochemistry, technology and a master’s degree in business administration — he was even accepted to medical school. Life was good, but he felt something was missing. He knew he wanted to help his community. Why not adopt a kid in need? That was Williams’ plan — to take in a young boy who needed positive leadership; someone he could mold and give a good life to, the way he had a good life. He got more than he bargained for — six children. Starting out Williams, 39, was inspired while campaigning for Barack Obama. He remembered some powerful words from Obama: How are you going to help your community? Taking that question to heart, in early 2009, he made his decision to adopt. Williams knew he wanted a little boy. He completed his classwork to qualify him as a parent, and soon after, he got a call from the agency.
Ill. Judge Rules Against Catholics on Foster Care
(AP) — An Illinois judge ruled Thursday that the state can stop working with Catholic Charities on adoptions and foster care placements — something the state decided to do in July after the not-for-profit agency refused to recognize Illinois’ new civil unions law. In his ruling, Sangamon County Circuit Judge John Schmidt said that no one, including Catholic Charities, has a legal right to a contract with the state government. He did not address the more sensitive issue of whether a state contractor that refuses to serve gays and lesbians is violating the state’s new civil unions law.
Unraveling the Black Adoption Myths in America
By H. Fields Grenée
Adoption. At first glance it’s just another word in the dictionary. But its power is vested in the weight of the word – conjuring images of abandonment, cherished blessings, adamant secrecy and self discovery.
For African Americans adoption has yet another layer of imagery. Families being torn apart by drug use, poverty, homelessness and even death. At any given moment there are 500,000 children in foster care across the United States with 26% being African American according to U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2010 statistics.
This statistic gives pause to Gloria King, executive director of the Oakland, Calf, based Black Adoption and Placement Resource Center. Founded in 1983 BAPRC was among the first “specialty” agencies to distill the myths surrounding adoption eligibility criteria that kept countless prospective parents from applying.
Myth I: Children of African Descent are more difficult to raise
“We have been very successful in promoting African American children being adopted and bringing the message to the community about families of color being needed to adopt,” says King of BAPRC that serves 11 counties in Califoria. “Targeted recruitment has always been a part of our mission, but let me make it clear – we do not discriminate. We have always served bi-racial families, same gender loving families, couples and singles as part of our outreach efforts.”
King explained that the origin of modern adoption was not conceived with minorities in mind. It was designed for children who had been orphaned due to war; during theThe Civil War children would be placed up on boxes so they could be looked over by potential parents, hence the term “put up” for adoption.
Yet by the 70s and early 80s there was an influx of African American children into protective family services. Causes for the increase were related to the Vietnam War, drugs, violent crime combined with a plethora of other issues impacting the Black community.
Black Celebrites Who Adopt
Academy Award nominated actress Viola Davis and her husband just recently announced that they are in the process of adopting a child from the United States. Awesome news! We hear so often about celebrities, mostly white ones, going through hell and high water to adopt children from Africa, Asia and other international destinations. And while we’re not knocking that, seeing as how these children do need help, why not adopt children here in U.S. who need a home?
Many people say that black celebrities should adopt children, but it should be noted that there have been a number of African American celebrities who have opened up their homes for kids right here in this country. Here are a few notables:
White Celebrities Who Adopt Black and Bi-racial Children
I’ve always appreciated and looked up to individuals who adopt children and take great care of them. Keyword, take care of them. (Because we know some trifling people do it for a check) There are so many risks when you adopt children, and it takes a special person to open up their home to a child and make them feel like part of the family when they have no connection to them beforehand. But I’ve noticed a lot of talk lately about the fact that big name white celebrities have been adopting black and bi-racial kids. There’s been a great deal of apprehension about it. A lot of people, mostly black folks, aren’t as excited about it, some claiming celebrities adopt black children like they’re the newest handbag or accessory. But others do bring up the valid point that there is a worry that adopted black children may wind up not being fully exposed to their culture and heritage, making it hard for them to relate to their own people. But what do you think?
While you ponder the thought, check out the awesome slideshow put together by our friends over at Uptown Magazine, which lists some of the most high-profile celebrities and their adopted black and bi-racial kiddies. Some you might not have known about before, others you’ve heard about time and time again. And whether you’re a supporter of these adoptions or not, it’s better that these children who need a home, get one. And you can’t lie, these folks are more than financially stable enough to take care of those kids…now if we could just get them to get their hair together…
To see the full slideshow and check out the story that inspired it, click over to Uptownmagazine.com.
I’m selfish because I don’t want children?!
Ladies! I have a few questions I’d like to ask:
“How many of you ladies have a child or children?” and…
“Do you think it’s selfish for a woman not to want children?”
Was President Obama Almost Given Up for Adoption?
Not that you were lined up at Barnes & Noble waiting for it, but another book has been penned (and comes out next week) to try and expose the supposed pasts and ugly “truths” of a public official and/or their family. This time around it is the current commander-in-chief’s father.
According to the book, The Other Barack: The Bold and Reckless Life of President Obama’s Father, written by Boston Globe reporter Sally Jacobs, before President Obama was born, his father, then a college student at the University of Hawaii, told an immigration official about the pregnancy of his wife, Ann Dunham. Allegedly, the two weren’t living together at the time the memo was written by the official, and the book claims that Obama Sr. said that he and Dunham were planning to make arrangements with the Salvation Army to give baby Barack up for adoption. According to both the book and The New York Times, it’s not clear if the two truly planned to give the unborn future president up, or if Obama Sr. had only told immigration officials this info to get his Visa extended. Especially since records show that Obama Sr. had lied to officials before about divorcing his wife in Kenya, since having more than one wife was grounds for deportation.
In an interview with an uncle of the late Ann Dunham, the individual said President Barack Obama’s mother was actually excited and optimistic about the birth of her son, and a future with her new husband. According to CBS News, the uncle, Charles Payne, said the following:
“I never heard any talk of adoption whatsoever. Ann decided she had done this and this was her child and she was going to take care of him. From day one, as far as I could tell, she and Madelyn [Dunham] and Stanley [Dunham] were all completely committed to Barack.”
So this information in Jacobs’ book could possibly be false. Former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said the President was unaware of any adoption questions asked to his father, and believed his mother never “seriously” considered it. But it’s interesting to think where he would have been and who President Obama might have ended up being had he actually been given up for adoption. But first and foremost, do we believe it?
Do you believe that President Obama’s parents actually considered giving him up for adoption?
For Many Illinois Adoptees, Door Will Soon Open to the Past
(Chicago Tribune) — Illinois Department of Public Health officials are bracing for a flood of requests in November when a new law will allow thousands of adult adoptees to obtain their birth certificates. The law passed in Illinois last year could give some adoptees the names of their birth parents for the first time. Birth parents can remain anonymous and have their names redacted from any released birth certificate by filling out a form by Nov. 1. Rep. Sara Feigenholtz, an adoptee and chief sponsor of the measure, public health officials, and adult adoptees held a news conference at the Thompson Center in Chicago on Thursday to raise awareness of the issue.
