Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

By Rachel Garlinghouse

I’m an adoptive parent.  I’m white.  My two daughters, ages three and one, are both black.   It’s glaringly obvious that my kids and I don’t “match” and that they are adopted.

We have been asked a slew of questions.   “Are you girls REAL sisters?”   “Did you hear that Katherine Heigl adopted another baby?”  “Are your kids full or mixed?”  “Why didn’t their birth parents keep them?”   “Why couldn’t you have your own kids?”
One question that I found incredibly interesting, and one that the media is asking more than ever is, “Why didn’t you adopt one of your own kind?”   (Yes, this is exactly how the question was asked.)   It has been implied that there are plenty of white babies who need good homes, so why would we, as whites, pluck a black child out of the mix of available kids?  (This is actually not true.  Many adoption agencies have a tremendous need for families to be open to adopting black children, including sibling groups and kids with special needs, as many white parents only want to adopt healthy white infants.)

The media and the public are asking these questions of transracial adoptive parents:  Are you trying to capitalize on some sort of trend?    Why are you stealing a black baby away from her racial culture?  Are you trying to make your child white?   How in the world can a white family raise a black child properly?

The increase in media attention on celebrity adoptive parents, particularly transracial adoptive celebrity families like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Sandra Bullock, Charlize Theron, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, and Katherine Heigl, has brought transracial adoption to the forefront of pop culture.    I have read, much to my dismay, article after article that begins by prompting the public to question the integrity and intent of such parents.

I have to admit, I don’t necessarily blame people for their assumptions and skepticism regarding transracial adoption, particularly white parents who are raising black kids.   Whites have a long history of treating blacks and other races in degrading, dehumanizing manners.   There is a seemingly natural and underlying distrust between whites and all other races.  Despite people claiming to be “colorblind” and spouting that “the world is a melting pot” which is magically full of harmony and unity, I know otherwise.

You might question if parents are adopting minority children because it’s the trendy thing to do.   Here are some truths, from my experience, regarding transracial adoption:

1.  Transracial adoptive families are double-minorities, facing endless discrimination.

Until we adopted our first daughter, I was, unknowingly, enjoying white Privilege.  No one ever looked twice at me in a shopping mall or restaurant, no one questioned my motives, no one asked how authentic my family was, if we were a “real” family or not.
But when my husband and I brought our first daughter home, we were quickly inducted into the life of a minority.   We have been asked by an airline to provide our youngest child’s birth certificate to prove that she is actually our daughter prior to us boarding a plane. When we went to obtain a social security card for her, the attendant gave us several glares, making it clear she didn’t approve of our transracial adoption.  She then asked, quite judgmentally, a question that had nothing to do with the application for the social security card:   “Do they [our daughters] have the same parents?” I’ve been asked about the girls’ “real” mom, as if I am the fake mom.    A cashier at a local store asked why the hell my girls’ birth parents would “give them away” because after all, the girls were “so pretty.”    My family deals with, on a daily basis, discrimination related to adoption and race.

2.  Transracial adoption is a path to parenthood.

Individuals and couples adopt because they want to be parents.  Maybe they couldn’t have biological kids, couldn’t have more biological kids, had always wanted to adopt, didn’t want to wait for a partner to have children, or chose to adopt to avoid passing a genetic condition on to any biological children.  The reasons are many.

When I was twenty-four years old, I was diagnosed with an incurable disease:  type I diabetes.   I am dependent on insulin for life; without it, I will die.    Type I diabetes can be accompanied by a slew of dangerous side effects, all of which can impact the life of the diabetic’s unborn baby.    My husband and I chose not to have biological children because we felt the risks outweighed the benefits.     So we filled out paperwork to adopt, marked “open to a child of any race,” and waited.  We were chosen, twice, to adopt black children.    Without adoption, we wouldn’t be parents.   We wanted to be parents.  So we adopted.  It’s really that simple.

Hey loves! The weekend is just about over and I’ve got a few more tidbits to share. There’s music news, wedding news, movie news, baby news and more!  Check it out…

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From theGrio.com.

African-American children make up 30 percent of the 500,000 children currently in the American foster care system, despite being only 14 percent of the U.S. population. On top of being over-represented, these youths are less frequently selected for adoption compared to other kids.

Could the skin tone of black children play a role in whether they are chosen — especially if the family considering them is black? Mardie Caldwell, founder and CEO of the Lifetime Adoption agency, says this is true — and that this bias is exclusive to African-Americans.

“We’ve found that many African-American families have definite preferences for the type of children they want, whether it’s newborns [or older children], and also in terms of their physical appearance,” Caldwell told theGrio. The author of seven books on the adoption process, including her latest, Called to Adoption, suggested that the finicky tastes of black families made private agencies reluctant to work with them.

“A lot of organizations and other adoption professionals have actually stopped doing African-American adoptions. We’re one of the few centers, Lifetime Adoptions, that does African-American and biracial adoptions, and we’re one of the largest in the United States,” she explained. “When families come to us they will actually give us preferences and say ‘we want to stick with a child that looks like us, and we’re lighter-skinned or we’re darker-skinned.’ It does make it difficult at times.”

By contrast, “if we have families that may be biracial — one partner is Caucasian and the other is African-American — we can come to them with any black child, and they’re more open,” Caldwell said. “The same is true with Caucasian families, which is why you’re seeing more Caucasians adopting children of color, because they really don’t care about the shade.”

Read the rest of the story at theGrio.com.

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Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty

source: blackcelebkids.com

As you may already know, Sex & The City star Kristin Davis adopted a cute little brown baby Gemma Rose about seven months ago. She recently went on Anderson Cooper to talk about her experience of adopting and the anxiety involved with the long, protracted adoption process.

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At least when Ne-Yo and his girlfriend spend stacks on foolishness like strippers at Magic City they round it out by doing good. Monyetta Shaw, Ne-Yo’s girl and the mother of his two children, has reportedly agreed to adopt 48 children from the African nation of Swaziland.

The children won’t actually be living with the couple, but Monyetta did agree to pay each child’s living expenses for an entire year, which adds up to about $20,000. The sponsorship is apart of Beyond the Game, a charitable organization founded by “Football Wife” Chanita Foster who is the former wife of Georgia Bulldog George Foster. It’s nice to know Monyetta isn’t just riding off of being Ne-Yo’s girl. Can’t get mad at that.

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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When I first read that a billionaire had adopted his girlfriend, I thought he was on some sort of creepy Morgan Freeman-type ish, but turns out the adoption is a legal maneuver to protect assets in a pending civil suit.

John Goodman, founder of the International Polo Club Palm Beach in Wellington, Fl, is being sued for the wrongful death of Scott Patrick Wilson, a 23-year-old he struck and killed in a drunk-driving accident in February 2010. Wanting to protect his earnings, estimated at several hundred million dollars, the 48-year-old adopted his girlfriend of two years, Heather Laruso Hutchins, in October, putting money in a trust for the 42-year-old who is now his child, legally.

West Palm Beach Judge Glenn Kelley wrote in a court order that these moves “border on the surreal and take the Court into a legal twilight zone.”

“The Defendant has effectively diverted a significant portion of the assets of the children’s trust to a person with whom he is intimately involved at a time when his personal assets are largely at risk in this case.”

Goodman has two biological children but they’re under 35, the pre-determined age at which they can control their trust funds. Since Hutchins is over the age of 35, her adoption entitles her to a one-third beneficiary interest in the trust. Previously, the court ruled that the assets owned by Goodman’s children could not be considered as part of his net worth in calculations for assessing punitive damages, but with this adoption, the family of Scott Patrick says that should change.

On the flip side, Goodman’s attorney, Daniel Bachi, maintains that “Nothing in this arrangement with Ms. Hutchins is illegal.”

“Everything that has been done by Mr. Goodman was done with the intention to preserve and grow the assets of the Trust for his two minor children, even should he personally be unable to continue his historical role in achieving these goals.”

Even though Goodman has thrown the legal system for a financial loop, nothing can protect him from the potential 30-year sentence he could receive if convicted in the drunk-driving case. Goodman’s civil trial is set for March 27 and his criminal trial for charges of DUI manslaughter, vehicular homicide, and leaving the scene of a crash is on March 6.

What do you think about this legal move? Genius or creepy?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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I love being a mom–it’s absolutely one of the best things in my life. I have four, with age ranges from 14 and 2 years-old. My kids are hilarious, and so happy and optimistic about life and that makes me look at my own life anew. However there is a flipside: They are a lot of work. It’s impossible to be lazy if you’re going to do this whole parent thing well enough so that your kids won’t need a psychiatrist in adulthood. Gosh. I wish someone would have told me a few things about having kids before I started popping them out, such as…

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Queen Latifah has an amazing cover on the upcoming issue of MORE magazine, and inside she reveals some personal details of her plans for the future, including wanting to adopt.

She says, “I’m definitely going to adopt, or have a child. I’ve wanted to adopt since I was 17 or 18-years-old.”

It seems there isn’t anything that the 41-year-old rapper, actress, jazz singer, and cover girl model can’t do. Adding mother to the list only seems fitting. She told MORE that the death of her older brother in a motorcycle accident in 1992 inspired her to realize her dreams of motherhood. She also talks about the devastation of the loss and finding the strength to carry on.

“I know for a fact that my brother would not want me to stay right there, stuck in that misery. If the person who you lost loved you like you loved them, there’s no way they would not want you to live your life to the maximum, to appreciate it, to go for your dreams, go for your goals.”

Do you think the Queen will make a good mommy?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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When Steve Jobs passed everyone marveled at the fact that this adoptee had been able to achieve so much. The assumption is that if you’re adopted you’re at a disadvantage. These celebrities have proven that this is not always true.

Check out this surprising list at BlackEnterprise.com.

Viola Davis and her husband, actor Julian Tennon, have adopted a baby boy named Genesis. Our fave actress spilled the beans during an ELLE Women in Hollywood event during which she was honored on Monday. Tennon and 46-year-old Davis have been married since 2003. This will be the first child for Davis although she has two step-children from Tennon her husband. Davis has a lot to celebrate this year. Her summer movie “The Help” was one of the biggest hits of the year and did extremely well considering it was led by an all-female cast.

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