All Articles Tagged "acceptance"
So you’re cruising along in an amicable relationship, and you’re wondering if, at 6 months or a year into it, your man has long-term relationship potential. After all, if a long-term relationship or marriage is what you’re ultimately looking for, you might have to take stock of your relationship early on before you get too far in – involved, in love, in debt or in denial. After putting in work getting to know someone and spending time with them, you want to believe that your current boo could be your “happily ever after” guy – not just a distraction or someone taking up space. If you want to make sure you’re on the right track, or spinning your wheels, here are some things to take inventory of to make sure you’re headed in the right direction and not wasting your precious time.
Before I go any further, I want to say that hair has been a very hard topic for me to grasp. Ever since I was a kid, I just wanted to take my hair and put it in a ponytail ALL of the time. Easier said than done.
But as we get older, we learn more about ourselves and how hair is in general. It’s funny sometimes. I often see moms with their biracial children, hair frizzy and in bows, beads that are clearly weighing down their possibly thinning hair, and gelled down curls. If they catch me looking at their child’s locks, they give the look, one seeking confirmation that says, “Hey, this doesn’t look bad does it?” No matter what I really think, the truth is, I can’t tell others what to do with their hair or what looks right, because guess what? I don’t even know what to do with my own hair. But if you read the comments on stories about biracial hair or listen to people every day on the streets, folks would think I had it so easy. Many people believe that because a person is “mixed,” they don’t have issues with their hair or that there aren’t different types within that spectrum. WRONG.
I’m a happy biracial butterfly: African American and Puerto Rican. Although I have four older sisters, my younger brother and I are the only mixed kids in my family. Growing up, I was constantly frustrated with my hair. It would take my sisters about an hour or so to finish their hair, but it literally took forever for me, and whatever style I chose would only last for a minimal amount of time. However, they used to tell me that I had nothing to complain about, and they had these delusions of versatility about how it was easy for me because my hair could be worn wet or blown out. (Fortunately my grandmother never really let that happen-if they had cornrows or box braids so did I–a funny but weird sight.) Easy wouldn’t have been my word of choice.
It wasn’t until I was in high school and college that I noticed the many types of hair textures that make up biracial strands. I met girls who were in the same ballpark as me. Either they couldn’t control their hair, or damaged it from experimenting too much. I knew that it wasn’t just me who had a problem with the politics of hair either. There’s the hair that never curls, curls that can’t be controlled, and hair that is either too dry or too oily. The combinations are endless and I can go on forever about it…but I won’t. In that time I learned from my friends and other women what I was doing wrong and how I could keep my hair nourished and healthy.
A lot of that nourishment and good heath starts with the products we use for our hair. Sometimes “mixed” products are too weak for the hair and you could just be harming it rather than helping it. Some of the best products are the ones you may be ignoring, like Aussie’s Deeeep Conditioner or Miss Jessie’s products (that is one investment I wouldn’t mind making because it really works!). It took a while after dabbling with different products, but with time comes growth.
I’m not ashamed, or feel bad about my hair anymore. I used a little gift that works for ALL types of hair in the end–patience! You’re going to run into a couple of dead ends, but those mistakes just show you how to improve. Yet and still, while I do appreciate my hair more these days, I don’t have this over-the-top sense of pride that my sisters thought I would have. You know, the mindset that because my hair is wavy it’s better than anyone else’s hair. In fact, I hate the term “good hair” with a passion, especially since no one’s hair is “bad.” In this day and age, if you still believe in good and bad hair, form your own opinions and don’t take definitions like “good hair” for face value because if it’s healthy and beautiful to you, then baby, it’s indeed good.
All in all, I share my story of struggling with my strands to say the following to those like me:
1.) Hair isn’t your identity: Many people who aren’t mixed are often targeted for saying things like my sisters did, but sometimes you are to blame too. Just because you’re mixed or you believe that your hair is “good” doesn’t mean it is. Step down from the high hair pedestal that society has given you and look around. You’ll see that everyone has awesome hair.
2.) Embrace your curls: If you’re a mom out there reading this, just know that you don’t have to kill the curls (flatten or press them to death) so your children don’t look different from other people. Different can be good, but just remember to mix it up!
3.) Don’t give up on your hair: At one point I did, and I realized I caused more damage (physically and emotionally) to myself and my locks by ignoring them. There are tons of tutorials online, and you can also request samples for products before you make a serious investment. While it’s a struggle, with patience and effort, your hair will surely be your crowning glory.
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Until I was fourteen years old, I had one black friend. And she lived across the country. So, really, I had none.
Growing up in predominantly white suburbs, I spent most of my days as the only black child in my class—the only black Brownie in my Girl Scouts troop; the only black girl on my softball teams; and, the one with “poufy” hair at slumber parties. Before it was cool, I wore Vans and rotated 311 with Kris Kross. I spent my high school years fitted in (Abercrombie and) Fitch, far away from the “black table,” nestled in as the token.
Yet, not once have I ever been ashamed of my blackness or forgotten the history of my forefathers. One would think prolonged exposure to everything except majority black surroundings would dilute my sense of self, but it did quite the opposite. You see, the real world doesn’t look like an HBCU campus. America’s board rooms aren’t black. So, there is actually much to be gained from being “the black friend”:
If a television show is based around plus-size women accepting, if not loving their bodies, does it send the wrong message to overweight women? If you ask different people, the answer is yes. A television show like TLC’s new series “Big Hot” does nothing for full-figured women but make them think it’s okay to teeter over a size 20, when they should be working to lose some of the weight. Why? Because society says it’s not a good look to be a proud big girl.
While watching the entertainment show “The Insider” last night, I got a preview of the new reality series “Big Hot.” It seemed very cute, like the plus-size version of “Sex and the City,” still set in New York City, but with women of all shades living it up as big girls in the big city. The show looks to showcase their experiences with dating, modeling, and dealing with the discrimination of people who aren’t so accepting. It looked both entertaining and endearing–a win win. But not more than a minute after the preview played on “The Insider,” co-host Kevin Frazier made the statement that while he could appreciate the idea of the show, he was wondering if it was sending a bad message: telling women who are actually at an unhealthy weight to learn to enjoy their weight and rock it, rather than take care of it for health’s sake. While I understood what he was trying to say, it also came out sounding sort of…well, jackass-ish. Why? His tone showed that he didn’t seem pleased or amused by the show at all (Debbie Downer, much?) and because, well, aren’t there already like 80,000 shows centered around overweight people being told to lose weight?
In past situations, you may have encountered someone with strange oddities that made you want to scratch your head in disbelief or do a double-take because it was just plain abnormal! But depending on your relation to the person, you learned to take it at face value purely out of the love and admiration you have for your man. His quirky personality traits probably wasn’t what you signed up for when you met, but when in love, you learn to take the good and bad which is typical in any relationship.
Here are some quirky traits you love about him:
To many women, being described as “Hot” is the ultimate compliment. Hot is the epitome of femininity and the embodiment of sophistication and sensuality. The label implies that not only is a woman attractive but that she also elicits passion and desire and stimulates all of the senses.
The secret about sex appeal is that it’s less about looks and more about inner confidence. What makes a woman Hot is not necessarily about the stilettos she steps out in, but how she carries herself in them. Here are ten ways to introduce a little bit of Hot into your daily routine:
Someone once said, “there’s always something with a man,” meaning he has some kind of setback. It can be anything large or small from being messy to having irresponsible spending habits. But what if his problem has a third party? Do you flee or just accept his fault?
Talking with girlfriends about the Tigers and Tikis of the dating world, there’s never really a divide. The majority of the group always believes leaving the relationship is always the right choice. The stubborn fighter that I am, I usually disagree.