All Articles Tagged "abuse"
What’s Eating You?: Reasons Why You Eat That Have Nothing To Do With Hunger
Now that we’ve dipped our toes into 2012, I’ll bet you’ve got your new running shoes and yoga pants ready at the door so you can step out into the new year a few pounds lighter. You’re really gonna do it this time. Really. Really? You can exercise until your flat-ironed hair sweats back to the Motherland, but if you don’t get your eating under control the scales might not tip in your favor long enough for you to see results. In order for real change to occur you have to get to the heart of your appetite, which happens to be in your head. Turns out there are plenty of reasons why we eat when we’re not even hungry.
Boredom
How many of you have just eaten something just because it was there? You’ve just had lunch and someone’s popped popcorn in the lunchroom and you grab a bowl because it’s there. Maybe you’re watching some ratchet Real Housewives franchise and you just don’t feel right sitting in the easy chair without your salt and vinegar potato chips. Eating because you’re bored will derail your weight loss journey big time. So before you pick up another chip or another kernel of popcorn ask yourself, “Am I really hungry?” Sometimes it just as simple as checking in with yourself to gauge if those are indeed hunger pangs.
Weight As a Shield
No one really knows how pervasive sexual abuse occurs in the black community, but experts suspect it happens much more often than is discussed. Young black girls in their teens are often targets of abuse by older men or male peers and many swallow the pain, anguish and shame with food. It is often not a conscious decision to create a body armor made of fat, but often patients who seek therapy realize they used their girth to become less physically alluring and thus, a less likely target for unwelcome attention.
Undiagnosed Anxiety Disorders
Gloria, 41, stuffs cookies in her mouth in a corner of the kitchen. She does it quickly, because she doesn’t want anyone to catch her. She eats in secret because she doesn’t want anyone to know how out of control her eating has become. Gloria has an anxiety disorder, and the food she eats triggers chemicals in her brain that make her feel peace and pleasure. In church on Sunday, she’s told that true believers don’t need psychiatrists–they just need to pray. And so she prays, and she eats. And eats, and eats. “Be conscious of your stress level and try to keep it under control. Whatever your reaction to stress, it’s normal for you so don’t fight it. You can counteract stress if you learn to be active, think positively, keep your priorities straight, don’t spread yourself too thin, and enjoy relaxing pastimes,” says Lavinia Rodriguez, PhD, author of “Mind Over Fit Matter: Conquering Psychological Barriers to Weight Management”
If you recognize yourself in any of the above examples, it’s time for some serious introspection if you’re got to start your New Year’s resolution and this time, have it stick.
Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (to be released April 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.
9 Celeb Men Whose Antics Have Cost Them Their “Swexy”
Black celebrity men. There are so many we’ve drooled over over the years, bought posters of, and devotedly watched on TV just because of their fine-ness. And it’s pretty amazing how much you’ll vouch for a man you don’t even know when you’re young just because he looks good (“Don’t talk about him!”). But as time has passed, many of the big names I used to claim as my boo and other who women used to love the way they ogle over Idris now have become or are slowly becoming a mess for a variety of reasons (drug use, battery, big mouths, etc.). Sorry, but it’s true. If you need some examples of brothas like this, check the list.
Don’t Call A 14-year-old Child a Whore! Young Girls & The U.S. Sex Trade
Last month social media was a-twitter about Amber Cole, 14, who was seen on camera performing oral sex on a boy said to be her ex-boyfriend. According to lore, she did it in an effort to win back his affection. And by all signs, it looks like she was desperate for it.
YouTube went ablaze with with people opining on the incident, one of which was done by a wanna-be comedian. Baldy said, “If you 14, and you know how to do that, you ain’t a girl, you’s a woman!”
Wait. The ability to put a penis in your mouth and move it automatically makes you a woman? Not true. How about if the girl is 12? Or 11? How about nine? What if the perpetrator is an adult, and not some mean-spirited, hormone-fueled, pimply little boy?
Lisa Ling recently reported on sex trafficking in the United States for the OWN Network and found that young American girls were being recruited as young as 11 years old by pimps aiming to “turn them out” for profit, some of the girls servicing 20 men a night, with all–not some–of the profits going to the pimps. “If that’s not slavery, I don’t know what is,” said Ling in an interview on the Dr. Oz show, which aired Nov. 15.
Most of the young girls were black. Most of the young girls were fatherless. Sadly, many of the pimps were black. According to Ling, part of the pimp’s seduction was telling these children how beautiful and special they were, and the men insisted they call them “daddy.” This is a guess, but I’ll bet those girls were willing to call the pimps “daddy” because they didn’t have one worth a damn at home. “How important is it to a young girl to hear someone say I love you and you’re beautiful?” Ling asked. (Quick! Somebody do a study on the correlation between the 73 percent out-of-wedlock epidemic in the African American community and the sex trade. Oh, wait…)
But how is it that often in the black community, the pimp–the perpetrator of these horrific crimes against children (yes; they are children)–are glorified, and the girls are hoes? Don’t think that true? Then BET must not be in your cable network.
Here’s a newsflash: You don’t get to call an 11, 12, 13, 14, 17 year-old-girl a whore while men out here make pimping a viable lifestyle choice. A girl’s ability to give a man oral sex, or lay down with a man does not make her a woman. Oftentimes, it makes her a victim of RAPE. “Guess the average age a girl starts prostitution in the U.S.A. Give up? The average age a GIRL enters prostitution is 12 YEARS OLD. Most of the girls sexually enslaved are poor, prior victims of sexual abuse and black or Latino,” wrote Jenee Darden on her blog, Cocoafly.com in a post titled, Saving Our Girls From Oakland’s Streets.
What is more, a young child does not have the brain capacity to fully grasp consequences of their actions and impulse control–that part of the brain doesn’t mature until a person reaches their early twenties. Would you hold a crippled person responsible for not getting out of the way before being hit by a runaway bus? Would you belittle a blind man for improperly reading a “Keep Out” sign? Yet, many are starting to hold children responsible for actions that they can not fully process or are powerless to prevent.
Girls are made to have sex with these guys even during their menstrual cycles…the pimps are stuffing cotton, baby wipes whatever to stop the flow, which leads to infection that causes infertility. But…she’s a hoe…right? Pimping ain’t easy…right? “Many of these kids are made to advertise themselves on Craigslist and other places. Traffickers don’t see them as kids, they see them as disposable commodities,” said my friend, Stag Brumfield, a youth advocate.
Next time I hear someone call a young girl a hoe, I might just have to pimp slap them.
Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed (to be released April 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.
Former NY Governor’s Daughter Puts Abusive Boyfriend in the Hospital
Dennis, a family friend and David Paterson
If What’s Love Got to Do With It? taught us anything, it’s that a woman can take so much foolery before she snaps back–and in a big way. Such is also true for the stepdaughter of former New York governor David Paterson. Ashley Dennis, 23, was arrested this weekend for clocking her boyfriend, Brian McGuinness, 30, over the head with a bottle. According to reports, when a heated argument turned physical in McGuinness’ West Village apartment around 4:45 a.m. on Saturday morning, the 30-year-old man (who should know better), tried to choke out Dennis. She allegedly picked up a nearby bottle and proceeded to break it over his head. Afterwards, she took her anger to the next level and repeatedly slammed his leg in a door until he passed out. A witness to the bloody aftermath had this to say to the New York Daily News:
“I heard a guy saying, ‘Help me, help me’. “Then he started saying, ‘Fire, fire,’ to get someone’s attention. I knew it was serious. He wasn’t moving. He had two shoes on top of him like she kicked him out of the apartment and threw the shoes.”
The landlord of the apartment, Pearl DiGeronimo, added her two cents:
“There was blood on the floor, on the door handle, all over the hallway. I thought it was a murder. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn. The man must have done something to provoke that reaction.”
Reports say that the twosome didn’t seem to be under the influence of anything. Dennis was arrested and charged with felony assault, while her boyfriend was given stitches for his injuries and was later charged with criminal obstruction of breathing–a misdemeanor. So…someone tries to choke you, you defend yourself, and you get into more trouble than them? Crazy! Can’t say that I advocate violence of this proportion (not a fan of violence at all), but you just can’t choke all your problems away all willy-nilly and think someone won’t lay their hands on you too…
WAIT! Check These Out!
What Would You Do If You Witnessed Domestic Violence in Public?
There are so many articles and books out there about what you should do when you are the victim of domestic violence in a relationship. Some popular TV shows even do corny episodes addressing the very real problem. They all tell you who you should call in your situation, how you know you are even in a “situation” in the first place, and on and on. But they don’t give you any clear cut ideas about what you should do when you witness domestic violence, especially when it happens to a complete stranger. You would throw down for family of course, but for a stranger? The ABC show “What Would You Do?” has touched on the topic, but seriously, what’s a good way to go about helping? Call the police? Jump in? Join in the yelling? It’s hard to say what you would do until you’re in that situation.
I encountered the aftermath of an abusive episode between a couple just this past weekend and I’m still not sure if I handled it in the best manner–I doubt it. So I thought I’d pose the question to you all for clarity: what should you do when you are a witness to domestic violence? Maybe your answers can be of benefit to others and also aid you in the future if you come across a woman (or man, real talk) who needs you to step in.
Chicago Plans Monument to Victims of Police Torture
(Chicago Tribune) – Chicago attorneys and activists are planning a monument to memorialize the victims of police torture. The group is asking artists to submit proposals for the monument. Group members say their goal is “to honor the survivors of torture, their family members, and the African American communities affected by the torture.”
GMA Invites Chris Brown Back
After an interview with Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts, Chris Brown had some anger he needed to release, so he threw a chair into a window in the ABC studio.
In yesterday’s interview Roberts asked a few carefully worded questions about Rihanna and domestic violence incident. She even thanked him for agreeing to speak about the subject. Still GMA staff members said Brown left the studio quite angry, even tearing off his shirt.
Despite his behavior GMA has invited Brown back. Roberts said she felt she had established a good rapport with him and wishes him the best and she’d love to have another chat with him.
Check out what else Roberts had to say about the interview and speaking with Chris over at Black Voices.
What do you think about Brown’s outburst yesterday? Do you think he should accept GMA’s offer?
Sexual Abuse: What’s Done in the Dark…
Sexual abuse is a taboo subject in black families and in the black community at large. In surveys of adults, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men report that they were sexually abused as a child. And in 90 percent of cases, the perpetrator was a family member or someone that the victim knew.
Stop Blaming The Victim
Recently I spoke to my cousin, who lives in Alabama, on the phone and he flatly said, “you won’t believe the sh** that happened to me.” He starts telling me about this pretty young thing he met in the club Saturday night. He spared no details; apparently, with a body like hers she should compete with Buffie the Body for the Horse Award. They exchanged numbers and planned to meet up the next day.
The next day they spoke on the phone and set up a time to get together at her place. When he pulls up in front of her house he hears a bunch of commotion, sounds like some sort of domestic dispute. Things are crashing in the house; but he ignores it. Ms. Fatbooty, as Mos Def would call her, is not picking up her phone either. Again he hears a big boom. Before he could blink, the door opens up and there stands a man throwing a suitcase and the pretty young thing from the club out the door. She’s in a t-shirt sans underwear; she looks over to my cousin and then turns back to the door, banging so that the man will let her back in. My cousin, not wanting to end up in an episode of ‘where keeping it real goes wrong’, pulled off and then called the police. Later on when he spoke to her, she said the man gave her a black eye, apparently he beat the young lady up pretty bad.
The biggest issue here is that of domestic violence. No man or woman should put their hands on their partner in a violent manner, ever! Domestic violence is wholly unacceptable and is a serious issue plaguing communities of all races. The next issue is how women return to these abusive relationships. Love ain’t black and blue and swollen eyes has never been in style. So I’m baffled when I see sisters going back to brothers who have put their hands on them.
Is It Time to Break Up?
Are you in a relationship where you’re constantly wondering whether you should promptly throw deuces? While every relationship will take some degree of commitment and compromise, you should never feel like you’re getting the short end of the relationship stick. Relationships should be emotionally, psychologically, and physically rewarding for both parties. If any of these 10 scenarios sound like your current relationship, then you should strongly consider breaking up.
