Side Chicks: The Hall of Fame Edition
The 2012 Republican presidential candidate pool is such a circus it reminds us more of a terrible reality show rather than suitable contenders for the highest office in the land. Enters Herman Cain, former CEO of Godfather Pizza, an alleged serial sexual harasser of women and apparently a philanderer. Herman’s latest “awe jeez not this Shyte again moment” came yesterday from his alleged mistress of 13 years, Ginger White. Ginger has outed Herman for his cheating ways, and by the time you read this she will probably have given a tell-all interview to Fox News. Said interview will be a serious blow to the Republicans coveted “black man,” who up until now has been pretty steady in the polls. For the record, Ginger is a racially ambiguous woman (some say she might be a fair-skinned black woman, not that it matters like THAT), which bodes well for Uncle Herman because we all know white America would flip their wig if Cain was sticking his hand in the prized cookie jar of Southern white women.
But enough about Herman Cain and his side show antics! His new blunder got me to thinking about how many men have been taken down by their notable side chicks, mistresses, jump offs — call them what you may. Who are some of the more standout mistresses that we’ve seen over the years? I took to my Twitter feed, asked around, and learned one thing very quickly: I better not put Alicia Keys or Gabrielle Union on this list, so I will tread lightly when talking about those young women, who are doing great things for the community might I add! Take a walk with me down the side chick hall of fame; you’ll see some familiar faces and some not so familiar ones, but they all have something in common: creeping with somebody else’s man.
Number one on my list of notable side chicks is Barbara Walters and not because her relationship was super public or because she made her career based on being someone’s friend with benefits. No, Barbara Walters makes the list off of the sheer principle that no one believed she was the side-boo of Senator Edward Brooke when she announced it as a part of her recent memoir. For one, it’s Barbara Walters; she’s not typically the woman you think is running around getting fresh with a U.S. Senator. But think about the ramifications of a sitting senator, a black senator at that, having an affair with a top journo back in the day (the ’70s). It’s something out of the movies! She gets notable side chick status from me for being so good at keeping it on the hush for so long.
One of my real life friends on Twitter said it best: “Angelina Jolie is the ultimate side chick…she got Brad to divorce his wife and adopt her adopted kids without marrying him.” Now that’s cold blooded, and that’s something out of one of those pimp books from back in the ’70s. Angelina Jolie is like Sunshine from Harlem Nights, she threw that thing in Brad’s face and he called Jennifer and told her he wasn’t never coming home. Now that’s P-Power.
I want to give a special shout out to the call girl turned media superstar, Ashley Dupré, who ousted former Governor of NY, Eliot Spitzer, from his post as the King of New York. Some say Eliot was on his way to the White House, and that he had that much political clout at the time Miss Dupré called him out. Ashley is now a sex columnist for the New York Post and apparently she sings too. She makes the list because she not only dethroned a prominent politician headed for the White House, but she made some money off it too. Can’t knock the hustle!
I feel sorry for Monica Lewinsky in a way. How would you feel if your sole reputation rested on the fact that you were going down on President Bill Clinton and allowing him to insert cigars into…nevermind. Notable side chick nonetheless, her and that blue dress are infamous. She might also go down as being famous for being a little demented; it’s not everyday that a woman keeps the dress someone “spilled” semen on. How did she get out of the White House with smeared seminal fluid on her dress!? I guess that’s something only an oracle can answer. Monica you’re on the list but by far we’re still laughing at you, not with you.
Now I know the complexion of this list has been a little pale so before I’m accused of rallying against white women who play the mistress role, allow me to throw some black women under the bus as well (kidding…kind of). Now, Ashanti and Fantasia have to share the spotlight because I don’t think either of them have enough star power currently to deserve their own page about their transgressions. Ashanti we kind of felt sorry for. Don’t get me wrong, she was messing with a woman’s husband (Irv Gotti), but she was young, naive and new to the music business. It seems she’s been on the straight and narrow path ever since then, so we can’t throw too much shade her way (plus, she’s from Long Island). But Fantasia, we can’t get jiggy with that mess you pulled with that good, middle class woman’s husband. Then tried to portray yourself as the victim and get suicidal like you weren’t breaking up a happy home. If you ask me, the person who lost the most out of all this, outside of the child, is the man, Antoine Cook. His wife was good looking and now he’s stuck with Fantasia–that’s gotta hurt!
Superhead needs no introduction–she single-handedly aired out the whole music industry in one fell swoop. From Irv and Ja to Shaq, Jay-Z and Diddy, no celebrity went untouched. Even allegedly Method Man (supposedly Big Papa). Karrine is the worst kind of side chick: the type who runs and tells your lady! What part of the game is that? So what, they stopped giving you money after you wore yourself out and you thought you’d exact some revenge? You mad? But once again, we can’t knock her money hustle, because Karrine went on to become a New York Times Bestseller writer and even found herself a short bid as a wife, married to Eddie Winslow. Congrats Karrine, you are a notable side chick of many men!
There are too many side chicks and not enough pages but I will give two of them a quick honorable mention; Leanne Rimes, and Marilyn Monroe. But for the ultimate side chick I want to take it back to the 1500’s and give a shout out to the former Queen of England, Anne Boleyn. Born of humble means, Anne ascended from a mere mistress to the Queen of England, bestowing upon her heirs the kingdom of England. Now that’s a rag to riches story for you. She’s credited with helping start the English Reformation and most of all, she died for this ish. She was beheaded on trumped up charges of treason, adultery and incest, but she lives on now as a martyr and a heroine of England. Long live the Queen.
Who did I miss? Tell us your candidates for the hall of fame of side chicks!
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