Should You Tell Your Man Everything?

17 comments
November 30, 2011 ‐ By Erica Renee

Relationships should be based on honesty; but just like most things in life, even this concept has its stipulations.  Honesty simply means being truthful.  Honesty is a key component in the foundation of a relationship; and we all know what happens when a foundation is flawed; but does honesty also mean being completely open about everything? Or is it just as important to keep certain things from your man as it is to be honest with him? Not being completely open doesn’t automatically qualify you as being dishonest… or does it?

A few years ago I decided that I would be completely honest in my next relationship, even if it hurt. I made it a priority to be straightforward and open about every question that my significant other asked and even those questions that he didn’t. Nothing was barred, as I attempted to be the most open and honest I had ever been in a relationship. Needless to say, I realized that exposing too much was almost just as bad as not exposing enough.

Just as the age old adage goes ‘some things are better left unsaid’. This holds enormous truth to relationships. While your man may want to know that you’ve previously dated someone he knows, he may not want to know that you were initially attracted to his best friend but he asked for your number first;  or that you got a bit tipsy and harmlessly flirted with the bartender on your last girls’ night out. Your man doesn’t need to know that every man you dated before him had more money; or even that at one low point in your life you indulged in unlady-like behavior while in college. The past is the past, and if it won’t physically mess with his health or morally toy with his mind, does he really need to know?

While every relationship differs and some people work better exposing everything (I can’t say that I know of any), I do know that my rant of excessive openness left me with a broken heart from a man with a bruised ego, courtesy of me. And while it’s important to attempt complete honesty in a relationship, there really are some things that men don’t have to know about a woman’s past, thoughts, or feelings.

This is not to get confused with serious issues. With the increasing rate of STD cases or almost even scarier, ‘baby mama drama’, it’s important to have honest conversations about sexual history and details of previous relationships if they could possibly affect your future. However, what you ‘did in Vegas’ before him, should stay in Vegas, if you didn’t bring anything back with you.

Your man doesn’t need to know all of your embarrassing moments or how many times you’ve thought of your ex in the last month, if you haven’t acted on the urge. Being honest means being truthful, but does it really have to mean you tell your man everything?

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  • SM

    I messed up by being totally open with my man about my past relationships (especially the fact that most of them were casual) and other sex-related topics.  He is a lot older than I am and the behaviors that are generally accepted as normal by my peers that I engaged in were not seen by him as normal.  Weeks after I had shared a story with him, he (usually while drunk) would repeat back to me a distorted version of the things I had told him.  I found out that the things I told him made him create a distorted image of me in his mind, which led him to view my current actions in a negative light.  We had some recurring problems in our relationship because of this + his trust issues.  Eventually, he said he would just have to forget the things I’d told him…I spent sometime trying to go back over the stories I had shared and do a better job of explaining myself and my actions to him (not sure if it helped) and I decided not to share these sort of things anymore.  I hindsight, I wish I had never shared them in the first place.  I don’t advocate keeping secrets, but a lesson I have learned from this is that it’s not always necessary to share everything…

  • SM

    I messed up by being totally open with my man about my past relationships (especially the fact that most of them were casual) and other sex-related topics.  He is a lot older than I am and the behaviors that are generally accepted as normal by my peers that I engaged in were not seen by him as normal.  Weeks after I had shared a story with him, he (usually while drunk) would repeat back to me a distorted version of the things I had told him.  I found out that the things I told him made him create a distorted image of me in his mind, which led him to view my current actions in a negative light.  We had some recurring problems in our relationship because of this + his trust issues.  Eventually, he said he would just have to forget the things I’d told him…I spent sometime trying to go back over the stories I had shared and do a better job of explaining myself and my actions to him (not sure if it helped) and I decided not to share these sort of things anymore.  I hindsight, I wish I had never shared them in the first place.  I don’t advocate keeping secrets, but a lesson I have learned from this is that it’s not always necessary to share everything…

  • Girliusmaximus

    See.. That’s why people need to leave before cheating… You never know what you might bring home to a person… Or what a person might bring home to you…And people who are in committed relationships or married can do some real bad to you for little or no reason at all so you know you can’t be safe outside of a commitment…

  • Love_Sexy

    Nope!…………Use caution when deciding what to share because sometimes telling everything can come back to bite you in the butt……He will throw it up in your face every chance he get.

  • IllyPhilly

    NOPE, it’s just more ammo in an argument.

    • Love_Sexy

      Yep!

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  • Sugar_Spice

    You said it best that every relationship differs, with that said I completely agree with you as far as my relationship goes.  For me, if there is information that you are purposely withholding or if there is stuff that can come to light & harm your relationship then it’s wrong.

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