What Matters to Men? The First Things He Notices About You…

December 3, 2011  |  
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According to Dr. Paul Dobransky, a psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, “In the first five minutes of meeting someone, it’s generally physical beauty that attracts men. That’s actually the very first step of courtship for them.” As he explains, this doesn’t mean all guys are after supermodel-type good looks. Instead, he’s referring to the fact that every man has his own individual taste in women, physically. The bottom line is, in those crucial first moments, “It’s not about personality, intellect, career or any other crucial things that make up a relationship. At first, its just sex appeal,” he says.  So what, specifically, does he value as important about your initial appearance?

Check out these 8 traits men admit to noticing first, and what each one says about you…

1. First Off, Men Admire

Contrary to popular belief, women are more visual than men. They are conditioned to see what they want to see, without staring or being obvious. Men admire; women inspect. A woman may decide she is interested in a man before she has caught his eye or gotten his attention.  Men notice contours and curves while women notice form and structure.  So although both men and women check out the opposite sex, men tend to do so in a much less discreetly sort of way.

2. Confidence

Eye contact is a huge indication of confidence in a woman.  The way she carries herself and her overall posture can also tell a guy, “Here I am and I feel great!” or it can say,” Oh please don’t look at me… let me hide over here.”  If a woman walks in, head held high and a big smile on her face, men will automatically be more attracted to her.  Don’t look down and shy away from purposeful eye contact from a man across the bar.  If eye contact is made, most men will then make the move to approach the woman in hopes of a connection.

3. Your Smile

A smile can also say a lot about a woman.  Does it seem sweet and genuine? Does it seem awkward and forced? Also, some men are just more drawn to certain smiles and facial expressions.  If a woman is laughing hysterically and seems to be the jokester of the group, certain men are automatically drawn to her.  However, some men go for the sweet and innocent smile that might be a little more sky and subdued.

4. Your Crew

Believe it or not, men are very intimidated by large groups of women.  If you walk in with a posy of 20 women, most men will be wary to walk up to you and use his best line.  Everybody is afraid of rejection, men included.  So what’s the perfect crew size? Three. Your two friends can keep each other company when you slip away to get to know your mystery man.

5. Your Hair

Guys have no idea what split ends are, and if you mention roots, they just think of the band. But they do look to see if your hair looks soft and as though it would smell good. Hair styles also project a level or style a women possesses and giver her freedom to express herself.  Men are intrigued and drawn to stylish and well put-together women.  These qualities signify that she is clean, responsible, and takes time to groom.  In fact, 44% of men surveyed said that hair is the first thing they notice about a woman, more than her clothes (26%), legs (25%), or makeup (4%), and most men surveyed would be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than a woman wearing a low-cut shirt.  Interesting, huh?

6. Your Makeup

If you’re wearing so much makeup that it looks like you’ve painted an entirely new face on top of your actual face, guys will wonder if you’re trying to cover up some bizarre deformation and/or you are deathly self conscience.  No man wants to come away from a hug with a freshly painted shirt from your foundation.  Most men actually prefer women in less make-up and might be scared by the clown look.  Try to keep your face as natural as possible, highlighting your favorite features, and show the world that you are proud of who you are and the body you were given.

7. Your Cleavage and Rear End

Newsflash, cleavage and rear ends are the first things that men notice about a woman. Now, that’s not to say they think all women should unbutton their shirts to their bellybutton or wear spandex everywhere.  Depending on how badly you wish to capture a guy, show or cover those curves. An important thing here is that men do not appreciate women who put it all on display. “Show some and hide some” is how men like it. They want their women to be alluring and Hot without looking cheap and vulgar.  Besides, the men who want vulgar and flashy women are most likely not relationship material anyway.

8. Your Bag

No, men don’t care if your Gucci is real or fake, but they will notice how you wear it.  Women who hold their purse with pride might come off as more materialistic to men.  Most men are not a fan of a high-maintenance woman and will notice if her bag is bigger than his gym bag, and take that as a sign of her dependence and value of material things. Not all men will notice your bag, but the ones that do will help you determine if a guy who cares about your purse, is really the one for you.

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  • The Birdman

    I`m totally burned out by that, OMAR DUDE. It`s really annoying to me when I`m trying to learn all of the things that might be useful in getting a relationship started. Please, Madame Noire. Get rid of that video. That POPS up very time I`m trying to connect to your advice!
    The Birdman…

  • Dominic Blais

    why is it the guy in the picture the most shallow of choices for women looks right out of gay man quarterly

  • Abbas Abbakar

    Believe me, men don’t notice your bag!

  • just be thin, pretty, lovely hair, nice, and smart.

    • Guest

      Be thin? WTF! Not all men want sticks. Speak for yourself, dude.

  • SelinaaWozz

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  • Oh please don’t let him notice my Walmart bag! 

  • uniquefashionista

    I was with this article all the way, especially with the “confidence” part, but then the “purse” thing threw me. I am a purse person and have never had a man judge me because of them. I love huge, designer purses and I pay for them myself. I don’t really want to date a man that knows that much about purses in the first place. But, I have seen that confidence is something that is stressed in almost every article I read on what men look for. So, there must be some truth in that one.

  • RobFromMooseJaw

    Posture!   Posture is a very important part of a woman’s attractiveness.   It speaks loudly about your health, your pride, and your confidence.    Stand up straight with your shoulders back – but not so far back that it makes you look like you’re trying to focus attention on your breasts.  A skinny girl with good posture will be far more attractive that one who sits or walks around bent over with her shoulders hunched.   Ditto for women with weight problems. 

    A little weight lifting and probably other forms of exercise can do wonders for your posture.  You don’t have to use heavy weights or spend hours at the gym – just do at least enough to put a little tension in those muscles so you have good posture without having to constantly think about it.   

  • Blake Carrington

    Some men (like me) care if a woman’s bag is fake. Women with contact lenses, fake bags, fake wedding rings, fake nails, fake hair, etc. are a turn-off.. But I’m ok with fake height (heels).

    • Guest

      If a woman’s bag is fake? REALLY?! When are you going to come out of that closet? Stop playing.

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  • EducBlkMan

    Why do writers always try to make men seem so base and women so exalted, like your motives are any more virtuous than ours. Example this article ” Men notice contours and curves while women notice form and structure”. That’s the same thing. A body, especially the human body, is the very definition of form. I had to look up form and structure to make sure I wasn’t crazy. We could come closer to understanding one another if we could stop the divisiveness that keeps us thinking we can’t understand each other. Some people like one thing, others like something else. Not all women like the same things and the same can be said for us.

  • TruthTeller

    How about an article that precisely says what females look for when first meeting a man?  To easy!  (1) Is he tall?  Desirable.  (2) Does he look rich or violent?  Desirable.  (3)  Oh, wait, 1 and 2 cover it all for 99% of females.

  • marie

    Who really cares what men think.  I dress for myself, workout because I like being fit and toned.  And by the way, big huge behinds are GROSS!!!!  

    • Fesn

      You are #1 in my list…of what men DON’T like in women.

    • is it that time of month?

  • Tanjoniquebs

    If a man notices a purse, clearly he is gay. What woman wants a gay man that notices her purse. I have never had a man that I have dated to notice my bag. And I have some pretty big bags.

    • I never notice a woman’s purse, until I see them all in one place, omg ! And don’t get me started on shoes. Do you really need that many?

  • Jenniferp

    This article is interesting, but choking on its own spelling and grammatical errors.  For instance, a “posy” is a flower, not a group of people called a “posse.”

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  • Girliusmaximus

    Me = Cleavage. Nothing I can do about it because it doesn’t matter if it’s covered or if the girl are out performing, they are visible. I try to give guys the benefit of the doubt because of that fact, but I really want to b*tch slap the ones who walk right up to me talking nonsense. “Girl you know yo t*tt*s are big!” or “How do you walk around without tipping over?” Get the f*ck out of my face dude… 

    • Vandellish

      Damn…Dudes really come up to y’all with that stuff??? No wonder y’all so leery towards guys. On behalf of all the dudes with no game I’m sorry ladies. Next time a guy comes at you like that ask him if he really thought it would work…on anyone. lol

    • aqquippless

      That`s pretty disrespectful.But on the flip side,as spike lee said in do the right thing,”thank god for the left nipple,thank god for the right nipple.lmbao.

    • You Go Girl, you stick up for yourself and you BIG ******,,, Lol

      • Girliusmaximus

        Thank you

    • any guy who would say that has absolutely no interest in you in the first place.

  • DeepThinker

    #6 doesn’t seem to work against Kim Kardashian. She wears so much makeup and three sets of lashes and the men still chase her.

    • Guest

      lol too true lol

    • Cchigbu23

      Three sets of lashes!?!?

      • Guest

        Believe it.

  • Pingback: What Matters To Men?? The First Things He Notices About You… | Gossip Newsstand™ – Blog()

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  • MissEbony

    This article was GREAT!. Even though I knew most of these things already, the insight was great. I am a shapely woman so I am constantly conflicted on how I should dress and what kind if attention I am attracting. I will  be paying more attention to my smile and  my hair when I am out. 🙂

  • IllyPhilly

    I have a permanent smile on my my face so that’s what they notice first then I turn around and their penises shoot right off cuz it’s a real 50 inch donk! LMAO, I attract the wrong and right men cuz of the big butt and smile, but I don’t think that’s why they stay and stalk. 

  • WhyI

    I guess Mr. Combs would agree

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    I’m fat, so that limits the plethora of men lol. The ones who do approach me may actually be interested in more than sex. j/k [sort of bc there are chubby chasers]

    Different strokes for different folks. Just be warm/inviting, dress modest, but stay true to yourself.

    • Girliusmaximus

      Lol I like that screen name. Fat don’t mean nothing dudes will try to get it in no matter what if you fat, tall, skinny short, wide, flat chested, big booty, no booty, or whatever. Believe that.

      • Is It 5:00 Yet?

        This is true.

      • aqquippless

        DAMN RIGHT!!!!!

  • MrsIndepedent

    i’m one of those curvy women, with a small waist and big behind. My shape, because men are visual creatures, has attracted the wrong men. I’m still debating everyday if my shape is a curse or blessing. I don’t care for all that attention from men. Men see me( all dressed up, nothing left for the imagination- that’s intentional!) and assume big behind=highly sexual creature. So 99% of the men i dated, are always stunned by my intelligence and how i challenge their thinking process. there’s more to me than just a big behind.  I’m not even sure why some women want these butt injections,  it attracts the wrong men smh.

    • blackinthehat

      You’re attracting the wrong men, because you’re dressing in the wrong way. You said you dress up leaving nothing to the imagination. They see you as a highly sexual creature because your dressing like one. If you want attraction from the right men, change the way you dress. It’s your own fault you’re attracting the wrong men.

      • Guess

        I agree.  I know women with gorgeous shape and they dress leaving little to the imagination.  Then complain b/c the wrong men are constantly approaching them.

      • Abbas Abbakar

        this is just true!

    • DeepThinker

      I experience the same thing. No matter how reserved I dress I still look seductive and  sometimes I can barely walk down the street without some guy making a seexual remark. Then guys wonder why I am not smiling or “appear to have an attitude”.  When guys appraoch me and make a remark about my physical appearance, they are ousted as a potential date.
      It’s not our fault we were built with curves.

      • Bcake1986

        That me too! I never wear revealing clothing and still get the wrong attention. So I find myself wearing the “don’t f$&#& with me face and that works most if the time.

      • rosieparez

        I so understand what you are saying and there is no fine line for me.  Even in a well tailored suit for work or church you can still see the curve of my butt and hips.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my shape but the only way to cover it up where it doesn’t look sexual is to have extra baggy clothing or a big brown sack and that’s not appropriate for work either.  I don’t really worry about this too much b/c I know my worth.  I am a college graduate, working on my masters, great job, God fearing, great conversationalist, non materialist, a good friend with a good heart.  Anyone who gets to know me will see that.  I mean, what does it mean if you have a flat butt??  You’re A sexual and a bore??  I don’t think so.  These stereotypes are just stupid.  I will also say this, I have a friend of mine that dresses like michelle obama.  Ultra conservative, she is little with very little curves.  You would think she is a Bible toting prophet but she sleeps with married men and has sex with strangers just as free as a bird.  This is the reason I don’t judge people based on their outward appearance.  The devil was the most beautiful angel in Heaven but we all know how that story ends.

        • Kingre2727

          I feel you and the others…You are all correct however a real man knows how or should know how to approach and speak to respectable women..So i agree with yall 100%…We as men love i repeat love the curves but some of us do understand that there is more to woman than her body,so keep the mean mug for the idots but smile when real man speaks or approaches…lol

      • Lil’ Pip

        Know exactly what you mean! It gets so annoying, especially when it comes out of nowhere or somewhere completely random! Like no, I really don’t want to be told I’m ‘f***ing hot’ while I’m buying tampons…
        I guess the only advantage is that it’s given me a pretty strong dbag radar. If practically every second sentence is about my physical appearance they’re kicked to the curb in a second.

      • Dominic Blais

        if your not the one saying hello first. your relying on objectification as a sex object for men to approach you

    • Power to the people

      we don’t get with you for your thinking ability. how about a little less talk and more cooking and sexing. thx

      • rosieparez

        if all you want a woman for is to cook for you, be quiet and have sex with you more than likely you don’t have much to offer either.  Learn how to be a real man you shallow ingrate.

    • Coming from the apple body shape perspective–AKA can never gain weight because it wont be ‘curvy” it will be FAT, and comes with diabetes and a bunch of other negatives I cannot feel sorry for your small waist plight. 🙁 

    • Dominic Blais

      if women don’t wish to be objectified as sex objects try saying hello so your not relying on being treated like a sex object to meet a man