Who Are We to Judge?: Is She a Hoe or an Opportunist?

November 28, 2011  |  

I, for one, hate woman bashing. All women are different; but we all want the same things to some extent. Through life and experiences different women go through different trials which shape their decisions. Let’s take the most common example, strippers. Recently strippers have been taking over the media. Whether it’s a rapper talking about how he’s making it rain, a music video set in an actual strip club or actual strippers trying to make a name for themselves, what used to be frowned upon is now accepted. Even if you look past the black community, there are plenty of exotic dance workout tapes and housewives putting poles in their basement to spice up their marriage. Everyone likes strippers when they are confined to the walls of the club but once they try to integrate into society all hell breaks loose.

Take, for instance, Draya on Basketball Wives: LA. She caught the heat from the other woman on the show for her dancing past. They automatically looked at her a certain way. Now I can’t honestly say that if I met someone that was an ex-stripper that I wouldn’t have preconceived notions about them. The fact is they took their clothes off for money and God knows what else. But hey, maybe at this point in their life, they are past that. Who knows what happened in their life that actually brought them to that line of work? Maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Law and Order: SVU over the years, but I am always interested in how someone got where they are. It is never cut and dry.  It must have been something really bad to actually make them get up on that stage. Do we give Draya credit for taking that step to get out of that life? Every woman has skeletons in their closet. Who are Jackie, Laura and the rest of the ladies to look down at Draya because of what she used to do? With the same token do we judge Gloria if we find out she really did cheat on Matt? Or do we judge Laura if she really did sleep with Shaq?

Look at Kimbella on Love & Hip-Hop. She is currently with Juelz Santana. Before him, she had relations with Fabolous. Before him…. Who knows? On the show, Kimbella looks like someone who was working in the industry as a model/whatever, and was going from person to person until she landed one, which happened to be Juelz. Does this make Kimbella a hoe? She is from a world where rich and powerful men will do whatever for a pretty face. She doesn’t even necessarily have to do anything special, but she is in VIP, has free bottle service and free admission to all of the hottest clubs. Who wouldn’t want to take advantage of that? If they are giving it out, what’s wrong with taking it? Now I am sure that there are women who return the favor, but there are others who just enjoy the commodities that come with being beautiful. Do we blame them and call them names for accepting the silver platter? Of course we want to promote the image of the strong female, working hard for hers and not taking any shortcuts. But sometimes if you are in the right place at the right time, it would be a crime not to indulge yourself.

Rachel Louissaint is a graduate student and a blogger. Follow her on twitter at @rlovely_1.

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  • RahTruth

    Probably a bit of both….just like so many others in so many other occupations. Next!

  • Msmykimoto2u

    But as far as Kimbella goes, I dont know the woman but based on what Ive seen on the show, her attitude isnt hoeish but in the end, if you lose everything, what do you have to put on your resume when it comes to getting a real job? I dated Juelz and Fabolous? What skills do you have besides…..im going to leave that one alone. Alot of the women thats out are riding the bandwagon are getting more than whagt they deserve but if i were in their shoes i wouldnt be a dummy and turn it down either

    • Shaunille1976

      She’ll be alright. Kimbella has a master’s degree.

  • Msmykimoto2u

    Hmmmm…..this is a hard one. While I can understand why women who have families and cant support them turn to stripping for the quick and easy large amounts of money, I also have to think about why men who are in the same situations dont belittle themselve in that demeanor. But then again, men do turn to selling drugs for the quick and easy buck so I guess thats like the equivalent of stripping to them. Different day, different hustle I guess. But what it seems like, it is hard for women to do is to move beyond that. Use some of that money to go to school so you dont have to do this for the rest of your life. Earn a teaching degree or put those dancing skills to use with ballet and be the next Debie Allen.

  • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

    Regardless of my opinion on the matter, I refuse to call these women
    “h*es” until the men they are making the money off of are being called
    “tr*cks” with as much consistency. They’re getting the money from
    somewhere, so if they’re wrong for what they’re doing then these men are
    equally as wrong for buying.

    It k*lls me when these men call these
    women they’ve slept with this and that after it’s all said and
    done…what does that make you for sleeping with her? Both of yall n*sty

  • ReallySad

     People luv to say don’t judge but who in their right mind wants to say”Here is my Mom, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, bestfriend Ms. So&So and she is a stripper at Club Magic.”
    Until you can go to a career day and say “I am a strpper”, “groupie, club hopper, baller chaser” with no shame then these are jobs/occupations that MOST PEOPLE would not consider acceptable.

  • IllyPhilly

    Pac said it best, what makes a h0e a h0e is when they put a price on the p*ssy. If she’s doing all that for fun and taking care of herself, yeh her, but I’m pretty sure she’s looking for somebody to carry her a$$.

  • Guest

    So we all agree that if your child decided that since she is beautiful she is going to be a stripper until she finds a baller to wife her up, it is okay? *read with sarcasm*

  • DeepThinker

    Women are judged much more harshly than men especially by other women. It does not take much for at least one person to label a woman a whoe no matter what they do or are suspected of doing. Sometimes the whoe label is used to ailenate, break the confidence or lower the reputation of another woman so that she is less desired and repected by others. Other women’s insecurity/jealousy or a man with sour grapes can motivate a person to label a woman as a whoe when she may not be deserving of being called one.
    Usually the ones doing the most judging are people that have alot of skeleton bones in their closets, and envy those women who get the attention they are not getting.
    I’m not making excuses for women that present and carry themselves loosely and are self-proclaimed jump offs, but unless you are a witness or participant in whatever it is they are supposedly doing, how do you really know if they are flucking multiple men?  If a woman has had a relationship with more than one man (famous or not), what is the grace period that keeps her from being a whoe? 6 months, 1 year, 3 years?  What if she is a skripper that just dances, collects her dollars and does not let the guys even touch her?  

    • Hibernia86

      Women are judged more harshly than men in sexual matters, but men are viewed more harshly in everything else. Negative stereotypes which would be called sexist if applied to women are written about men without concern.

  • OSHH

    Nothing in life is free, even just “innocently” accepting perks cause your beautiful, the cost of that could be your image and reputation for starters.

  • Darkman

    Everybody has its own reason to become a stripper. I heard (years ago) about a young girl in DC area who became stripper just to pay her college tuition in Philly: $500/ per night, you can’t beat that!
    I don’t know if she graduated or not, but she wasn’t involved at all with the customers.
    It could have been interesting to hear about people who get in, and get out with the money.

  • Teflon Mom

    I think the interpretation is kind of shallow – all strippers are not broken down, emotionally damaged beings.  My thought is to to generally let an adult do what she wants – if you are well-suited to the lifestyle do you.  I’m not going to let anyone else force me to live a life I don’t want for myself, so why would I do that to someone else?

  • Jessica

    well who needs an actual talent or education when you can just spread your legs??? Right?

  • thedoggonetruth

    JUSTSAYIN, You are right about having a back-up plan because  looks don’t last forever, and there’s always a twenty-year old  out there to take your place lol.

  • ay

    “If they are giving it out, what’s wrong with taking it?”

    what if they are “giving out” Aids?……

    • IllyPhilly

      YES, right! People especially in that life always have hidden agendas. They giving it out so you can do them and three of their friends.

  • Dazzling29

    I agree with you. Every woman has their skeletons in the closet, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, and people do change. If you are going to write an article like this please provide examples of women who turned their life and became PRODUCTIVE  members of society. A stripper turned Doctor, Nurse, Teacher, Lawyer, Psychologist etc. Meaning she no longer relies on her body to make it, she uses her brain to get to top and is very much competitive with other intelligent professionals.   When you use examples of ex-strippers who are now professional groupies, jumping from rappers to professional athletes and referring to it as ”  enjoy the commodities that come with being beautiful”, you are doing a disservice to the Black American community  as whole. You are justifying inappropriate self destructive behaviors and enhancing the negative perception about black women. We are already dealing with the negative media about us, do we really need to add insult to injury???

    • Darkman

      You are right, that’s the kind of article (life after being a bad girl) we could expect. But you need more means to write it, and I’m not sure MadameNoire got that means… So let’s comment the hype!

  • JustSayin

    Everyone has their own hustle. Some women wife up a basketball player and spend all their money by planning weddings every year (Jackie) while others say that they are a model, single, aspiring to be rich blah blah blah. My only thing is to have a back-up plan. If u want to spread your legs on stage or to a rapper just know you are at their leisure. Same with anything else. But I do know one thing… Ho’s, Strippers, Whatever… don’t fall victim to the economic downfall because men will always find a way to spend money on some cat. So; as long as they play smart, they are technically in careers that are economic proof. It just doesn’t have a retirement savings plan or health benefits attached to it.