The 9 Worst Ways to Handle Conflict

November 25th, 2011 - By Kschlicher

"communication"

Common sense, and research says that good communication can improve relationships by increasing intimacy, trust and support. The opposite is also true.  Poor communication can weaken bonds and create mistrust. Here are some examples of negative and even destructive attitudes and communication patterns that can actually increase conflict in a relationship. Are you following one of these steps without even knowing it?

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  • Dr_manigault

    I am guilty of 1-6. The worse part is that as recent as Thursday I did them all and I think I just ruined a friendship because I refused to communicate. The only thing with number 2 is that I never blow up. I just walk away and never address the situation.

  • Girliusmaximus

    For “mind reading” and “generalizing”, I’ll say this -  When someone constantly does something inconsiderate on a regular basis after you’ve communicated how it makes you feel/affect you, you do start to wonder if the person gives a sh*t or not… Which leads to generalizations such as “you never”, “you always”, “why do you”, etc.

  • Darcampb

    Don’t forget the people who issue low blows, taking intimate knowledge they are privy to as a trusted confidante and using it against you. Those types of people are just despicable.

  • Doodzy

    I’ll lay an anecdote on ya’ll.

    Yesterday, tenksgibbin, my love and I were playing scategories.  He had never played it before, so he was eager to play, but also being a little bit condescending.  I admittedly am an aggressive player (of anything) and tried my best to show him what to do and where.  He was so offended he just said he didn’t want to play any more and went into another room to brood.  I was quite angry but I decided not to stoke the flames.  I finished the game and went to see him.

    He was laying near prostrate, a sad/sour look on his face.  I sat down next to him and and gently rubbed his face and head.  Even though I was angry, I made sure to keep my cool and just see him for who he is.  We are still new in our relationship. so getting to know each other’s quirks sometimes can be challenging.  He then uttered “I’m not mad at you or anything… but you were being kind of a jerk.”
    “I’m not allowed to shine sometimes, baby?  I play aggressively, but I in no way meant to hurt you,” said I.
    I kisses his forehead and said that I was really sorry if I offended him and he apologized in earnest for being too sensitive.  A few minutes later were were competing against each other and having a grand slam of a time at Balderdash! ;DLove really does conquer all.  And a gentle voice really really does turn away anger.

  • MrsIndependent

    I communicated my concerns and what was his response, nothing. so I said, well it looks like you and i i looking for different things, lets just be strictly friend and  he does not want that either. So if i clearly tell you what i want and you are not giving me what i want then move on to another female. I’m one of those females that is honest enough to say, i’m probably not the one for you. But these men today get mad! wtf is that all about??? Why do men not consider the possibility that if they are not giving what the woman wants there are men out there who are okay with her expectations and one of them maybe her Mr. Right. But noooo they want to selfishly keep a good woman to themselves… whats up with that???
    sorry y’all i had to vent!

    • Girliusmaximus

      Beautiful and well said. (I’m sittting at my desk clapping at work. For Real).  I wish I knew the answer to that myself. If you not doing what I want, I’m not gone try to change you or tell you that you’re some no good man who aint sh*t. You just aren’t for me boo and I’m not for you. Put that on a T-shirt and bumper sticker ASAP.

    • DarkPhantom

      they want to selfishly keep a good woman to themselves… whats up with that???

      You answered your own question. He wants to meet those expectations.

  • Cora

    I know some people who could definitely benefit from this article.

  • Marier

    I’m so guilty of #2. Not saying anything and then over time I blow up like a rotten bag a cabbage.
    Will try to work on talking about it now and not tomorrow.