Things That Don’t Matter As Much To Men

November 28, 2011  |  

"Black couple flirting"

They say to treat others like you want to be treated yourself, and that’s exactly what many women do. But it often backfires. There are a few things that women consistently get angry at their men for doing—or rather not doing. Generally, men don’t do these things for us because, it wouldn’t be as a big a deal to them if we didn’t do it for them. I am not saying that it is unreasonable for women to want these things. I am simply explaining why men don’t do them as often. A man doesn’t naturally expect the below listed actions, and so they don’t naturally occur to him to do:

"Man sick in bed"

Checking in on him:

If a woman is sick, and her man doesn’t take the time to make her soup, run to the drug store for her, and call regularly to check in on her, she notices. A man won’t really notice if you don’t do these things for him. He will notice if you do, and think it’s sweet, but he won’t penalize you if all he gets is one “how are you feeling?” text.

 "Black man cooking eggs"

The “little things”:

Say you got him an arm band that can carry his iPod to make his jogs easier, or you sewed the hole in his favorite sweater. He is going to love you for it, but if you don’t do those things, he isn’t going to drop the “how come you never think of little cute things to do for me?!” accusation on you…like women do to men.

"Black couple on Valentine's Day"

The “big things”:

If you plan a surprise getaway to Hawaii for the two of you, or arrange a private concert with your man’s favorite musician, your man will be astounded. But notice that word—astounded. It’s not something he expects is a given in a relationship. So, when you smack him on the arm saying “how come you never plan anything special for me,” he is going to be a little taken aback. Because he probably wasn’t sitting there wondering the same about you.

 "Senior black couple"

How hard you try around his parents:

His thought process is probably something like “I hope she likes my parents. I hope she  is comfortable here. It was nice of her to come all the way out here to meet them…” If you’re a little shy, and don’t know what to say—maybe you don’t say much at all—he isn’t going to get mad at you for not trying hard. He is going to ask you “are you okay?” A woman worries a little more about if her parents will like him, and if the man doesn’t try very hard, the question “are you okay?” sounds a bit more like “what’s the matter with you?!”

"Group of people singing karaoke"

How hard you try with his friends:

See previous point. He knows you’re a little out of your element surrounded by a bunch of men. He isn’t going to reprimand you for not trying to chime in on the guy talk. He might just check in on you occasionally and ask “are you having fun?” If a guy sits back and doesn’t make much effort to talk to his girlfriend’s friends, the comment is more like “you could at least try to look like you’re having fun.”

"Black man texting"

Delayed responses:

For many women, when they receive a text or call from their guy, they hear a clock start ticking very loudly in their head, reminding them of every second that passes while they haven’t texted or called him back. But, think about it: sometimes guys take 6 hours to get back to us! We don’t need to stress about taking a little while to respond.

"Black couple in bed"

Not enough sex:

Women can feel very rejected when a guy isn’t in the mood to have sex. But men are used to being the predator. They’re used to asking for sex, and having to initiate it. I’m not saying they prefer it that way, but I am saying they have been convinced by every show, movie, magazine, anime Adult Videos….that it’s normal for men to be the aggressor. So, if the woman isn’t in the mood one night, men don’t take it as personally.

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  • ConcernedGuest

    You know what’s not cool? Gender generalization. You wonder why some men paint women with the same (sometimes negative) brush, and then we turn around and do it right back? How about we stop this nonsense and approach each relationship and partner as the unique entity they are. 

  • Bhfkjhfjhwjhsa

    MN stop blocking my comments that disagree with the author. It’s getting ridiculous.

  • Tms247

    Who wrote this?  Sorry, but there are three here that miss the mark.  Yes men care if there is not enough sex.  especially if you’re in a long term committed relationship.  If the sex is not frequent enough it can cause them to wonder if there is someone else.  Even more so if you’re a good looking woman who is busy.   They also care about the little things and the checking in on them.  Sure they won’t throw a hissy fit about it, but they will notice and add it to their list of pros and cons when they are evaluating the relationship. Especially if it’s a relationship leading to marriage. 

    • Vataurus84

      My ex-fiance stopped having sex with me for a whole month and started to become paranoid that I was cheating. Through 8 years together that was something we never experienced in our relationship. But, after I found a female “friends” bra and underwear in our laundry he denied everything and so did she. All of a sudden we weren’t compatible or meant to be anymore and pointed fingers at me being the reason he wanted the relationship to end. So, if your with someone that gives you sex on a regular basis, cooks and maintains the house on top of the whole relationship would you think that person was cheating if sex was the first thing to go and you being given the cold shoulder came next??

  • IllyPhilly

    Well I must have married “gay” guys, cuz they B*tched and moaned about all of this!! Except the sex, they had to fight me off.

  • Dazzling29

    lol..i am so guilty of some of these things. So i decided on a new strategy that works well and he no longer stresses me out. I became so frustrated doing all these nice stuff and having expectations. So now i FOLLOW his lead, I do what he does, mimicking everything. For example, he takes the whole day to respond, i do the same thing. He does not contact me the entire weekend, and i don’t either. He  knows he can’t really complain cuz he does the same thing. So if he wants certain things he better change his behavior=) 

    • Guest

      ahahahahah to the new strategy of mimicking everything…lol

    • ConcernedGuest

      Kind of petty, don’t you think?

  • Ashjak87

    Thanks this just helped me 🙂