9 Things Men Think Women Want In A Mate, But They Don’t!

December 2, 2011  |  
10 of 10

We all know that women and men have very different brains and therefore approach relationships quite differently.  Often times women try to be something they aren’t and appear “perfect” when she begins to date a man.  In this case, men and women are not so different.  Men are bombarded with advice of what to do and what not to do when it comes to women and dating.  They might act a certain way or say a certain thing because they think you want them to. Newsflash, many techniques that men think are working in their favor, are actually sabotaging their chances with a woman altogether.  Take a look at these 9 things men think are working for them, and women wish they would quit!

1. Constantly call her

Although women love attention, there is actually a limit to the amount of contact we crave.  Too much calling and texting can make men look obsessive and dependent.  Typically women want a man who is independent and strong, not someone who is constantly calling her to accept his every move.  If you can’t remember the last time she called you, then it’s time to put down your phone and slowly walk away.  Your manlyhood depends on it.

2. Show emotions

Most men have heard time and time again that women want a sensitive man, so they decide to open the tear ducts every time she’s around. Wrong. Crying makes men look too emotional and needy, possibly even unstable. Women want to be with someone who has an aura of strength and the ability to protect her, and too much crying definitely cuts down the manly favor.  Unless something very tragic happened and your tears are genuine, ditch the crying act. Being sensitive to her needs is important but crying is not.

3. Too much PDA

Public Displays of Affections.  Everyone has their own tolerance towards and it; some women love hugging, kissing, and canoodling on a park bench, while other women would rather die than give tongue in public.  The issue here is when men take the plunge and initiate a make-out session if she has clearly shown no interest.  Every couple should decide how they like to show of their relationship in public, and if he’s always pushing the envelope, then she will likely push him to the curb.  Being embarrassed in public can be horrifying, especially if it’s a slobbery dog (your man) pouncing all over you.  Friends and family are sure to comment, and when they’re opinions are loose, it can be trouble.

4. Baby talk

Sure, men can have the odd pet name and cute inside joke with this girlfriend or wife, but leave it at that. Unless she baby talks first and gives a strong indication that she likes that kind of thing, men should decide to ditch it entirely.  It is cheesy, silly, and nausea-inducing. Baby talk is for babies, so don’t do it to her… at least in public.

5. Too agreeable

Yes, it’s important to let women pick the movie once in a while, but if men find themselves watching Dirty Dancing for the 10th time, or romantic comedies every weekend, they might have a problem.  When men lack the ability to make their own decisions, and ask permission from their partner, a mother-child dynamic will quickly develop.  Women don’t want to feel like their boyfriend’s mother and will definitely put them up for adoption if that feeling stays.  It’s important for men to show that they are capable of making decisions and stand up to the plate and pick the movie, the restaurant or the television show once in a while. After all, that’s the basis of compromise, sometimes the woman decides and sometimes the man does.

6. Too close with her family and friends

A man’s relationship with his girlfriend’s family and friends is something that has to develop over time. Being cordial and friendly is important, but he shouldn’t go planning her brother’s birthday party if they’ve only been together for a month.  While women want their man to be friendly with her family and friends, she doesn’t want them to jump the gun either.In the early stages of a relationship, she’ll want to make sure things are working between the two of them before bringing her family and friends into the mix.  We all know the flood gate of opinions that will open if your girlfriends and parents start nit picking your new flame.  Take a second to realize if he is really important to your life, and then ease him into the madness.

7. Profess your love too soon

Men think that the way to a woman’s heart is through an “I love you,” which is not completely off base. But such a declaration made too early, or way too often, will only freak her out. There is a time and place for everything. Men should not say it because they think it will impress their girlfriend.  It’s more important for a woman to hear it when he means it, not because he feels pressured into saying it.  Men seem needy if after the first date they are dropping the L word and inviting themselves in to meet the parents.  Slow down and let true feelings happen organically.

8. Over confidence

Men know that women like a confident men.  And men, being who they are, sometimes take this notion and run with it.  “If she likes me to make decisions and act like a man, then she’ll love when I tell her how awesome my house is and how many girls wanted me in college.”  Wrong.  There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and women are typically not attracted to a bragger.  Why would she want to hear about his past relationships or how great he did in school or how much money he made in his recent bonus at work?  This type of bragging usually circles around to a deep sense of insecurity and confidence issues.  Women want a confident man, not a weak little boy hiding behind bold, smarty-pants comments.

9. Chatty Chatty

Although most men have been taught that women like men who can talk and share, it goes both ways.  No woman wants to spend an entire date listening to her man’s life story and deep feelings.  It’s important to have conversations, not lectures! Incessant blabber will annoy any woman sooner or later and will steamroll her opportunities to open up, or share something important.  Talking is important, but listening is necessary.

More on Madame Noire!

Poor Child: 5 Hood-ish Baby Names that Take Creativity too Far

7 Hair Faux Pas You Are Committing

Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Sprung Off That Thang

Things I Learned from Sex & The City

How They Met: David Tutera Bride, Folshi and Her Husband Kory Plowden

Young Love: Our Celebrity Crushes From Back in the Day That Fell Off… Hard

“She’s The Boss” Episode 11- Yvette Campbell, President Harlem School of the Arts

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Smoke & Mirrors

    And men find themselves on this site? Do they take notes?? My guess is probably about 1 out of 10 men will read this. Why must womens articles always be about pointless one-sided relationship stuff?? I’m sure Maxim & Hustler are ON TOP of making sure to cover these bases for the men as well.. 8-/

  • Bob

    Great article, Goldilocks

  • Michael F Passe

     Almost all of these things listed come down to the ferocious need women have for control and power. “Show emotion, just not too much, or not when I don’t want to see it. I won’t sleep with a guy who’s not confident, but not too confident. Talk to me and listen to me, but don’t be too nice or I’ll throw you in the “buddy” category. Show affection or tell me you love me, but only when I want you to. You must like, and be liked by, my friends and family, but not too much.” Etc. etc. There is a certain liberation in realizing, as one grows older, that you are highly unlikely to please a woman no matter what you do, at least for any length of time, and that her list of what she wants and doesn’t want is likely to be completely different tomorrow. She keeps us on the defensive by having us always guessing what she wants. By being constantly dissatisfied, a woman exerts the power over a man that sex gives her – which of course, makes her resent him for being easy to manipulate. Freud famously asked, “what does woman want?” We all know the answer to that by now – everything.

  • John Richardson

    Here’s how to make a woman happy:
    1.Care enough to lie. Women are lazy, selfish, insecure creatures who want the whole world to revolve around them. So the number one rule for making a woman happy is NEVER have needs of your own. Women hate it when you tell them you need something from them. Instead, tell her you were born to devote yourself to her needs.
    2. Care enough to lie. When a woman says – “Do these pants make me look fat?” the answer is NEVER EVER EVER “Yes”. Lie to her – ALWAYS tell her she is beautiful, no matter how much weight she gains.
    3. Care enough to lie. When a woman asks “Are you happy”, this is NOT EVER an invitation to be honest about your life. Women HATE listening to your problems. Tell her you are extremely HAPPY, simply because she is in your life.
    4. Care enough to lie. When she says she wants you to share your feelings – she is speaking fem-speak. What she really means is that she wants you to share HER feelings. She wants you to listen to her talk about how she feels about every aspect of her life, and affirm her by agreeing with everything she says. The proper response is “Wow, I feel the SAME WAY…”
    5. Care enough to lie. To a woman the word “honesty” translates as “He agrees with me that I am right”. So when she says “I want you to be honest with me”, that means “I want you to reaffirm that you agree that I am right about everything.”
    6. Care enough to lie. When you find another mans underwear under your bed, and she tells you “He’s just a friend” – tell her you believe her.
    7. Care enough to lie. When she wants to see a chick flick, don’t argue with her about how you’d rather watch Terminator 7. Just bend over and take it like a man, and tell her you’d LOVE to go see “Ya-ya Sisterhood 3”
    And of course, at this point you are shaking your head and saying “Why bother?” Which leads to point 8 – Care enough to lie. Tell her you are committed to her forever. Even though you finally figured out that a “relationship” with a woman like her is a severe punishment, not a benefit, and you are packing to leave after she falls asleep.

  • GT

    I read the most important thing here as “be yourself instead of faking it”.  Pretty informing, and it’s a big part of the picture w/ problems I’ve seen.  If you’re not going to be yourself, who the hell else are you going to be?

    However, there are something men should know.  If you like to cry or watchy girlie movies or chit-chat… there’s a woman or million who want that from a man, too.  They just don’t want a guy to fake it, and probably are very tired of the ones in their own past.

    Also, you weren’t born a jerk.  Saying you were is a copout to excuse being insensitive to a woman’s thoughts or feelings.  You can hear them just fine when they talk about them, and you know it.  You don’t have to treat women like they’re too expensive, irrelevant, undeserving of honesty and fidelity, or pretty much anything else they consistently label as “rude”.  People are rude by choice, or they change when it’s pointed out.  Your dna was not your choice.

    Of course, if you’re a reader here, you’re probably at least more interested in what women think, so don’t think I’m being harsh on you specifically.

  • saopaco

    Wow.  What a pile of misandry.  Or is it really misogyny?

    Men are supposed to be the “Strong, silent type”, huh?

    Men are people, as are women.  This “guide” to what women wants is a laugh, as if all women want the same thing.  I got from this that women want a stong man who doesn’t show real feelings or talk too much.  Too bad.  I am a person, and I do not want that the sort of shallow women outlined in this list.

  • Jennyandjer

    Is this actually an article on all the things I do in a relationship? I’ve yet to meet a girl who hates their guy showing emotion. Or any of these for that fact.

    • Lightgrav

       the author is trying to _convince_ women to feel this way (see #6)
      – this is thinly-disguised relationship advice for _women_ ,
       essentially “how to recognize a player and what to dump him for.”

  • Duh-Doy

    So woman aren’t just stereotypes, they’re… well, evidently they ARE stereotypes and all the same but just the opposite of what you’re thinking. Can’t we just say that everyone is different, talk to the person, and stop with nonsense articles like this?

  • Fatstagnation

    yes, you nailed it: women want a man sensitive to OUR feelings, not his own! 😀

    I mean, that’s an exageration. A partner should be in touch with her/his own feelings, able to share and discuss in a calm manner, and able to understand the other’s feelings. A partner should not dump her/his feelings on the other person or make their emotional well-being dependant on another person.

  • guest

    Here let me mold everything about me (i.e. emotions, responses, thoughts, desires, relationships, actions, etc.) so there is nothing left of what makes me “me” and only what makes me something women supposedly love in a relationship.
    No woman I’ve met has any idea what they want. They can make lists like this all they want to but will then completely disregard it at any time.
    The emotions one particularly annoyed me. If a guy is with you, you’re supposed to be his rock when it comes to the heavy stuff that can break anyone. If you expect him there for you when you’re crying, what once a week?, then you’d better be there for him and not judge or condescend with junk like “man up.” Hilarious that it’s almost always women writing relationship advice stuff and they’re just as lost and clueless as everyone else… most women know hardly anything about men and what they really feel, think, etc.

  • Lynpennell

    I think I only found 2 of these even remotely true. 
    This ‘article’ is one woman thinking she represents the population and proclaiming her opinion as fact. 

  • They still like money. I know that much.

  • Pingback: US Demoncracy at Work « My Sister Eileen()

  • Pingback: 9 Things Men Think Women Want « hotterdating()

  • Pingback: Obama Presidency 2012 - Page 132()

  • Sabbypp

    May I add another — tagging along with us when shopping! It’s only desirable if he’s footing the bill.

  • Mochipants

    this is the biggest load of bullplop I’ve ever read.  All I ever wanted in a man was for him to be attentive, sensitive, romantic, got along great with my family, and not afraid to talk about his feelings or show PDA.  Now I have such a man, and I am the happiest woman alive.

  • What a useless list: every one of them is about being “a little, but not too much”. But learning just “how much” is the whole trick.

  • guest

    this is a dumb article… jus effing dumb and bias 

  • Sologirl

    Moral of the article:  Women have absolutely no idea what they want.  I am a female.  When he is the right guy all of the things we claim we do not want will be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!

  • Baby talk shouldn’t be for babies, either.  Adults should never use baby talk.  Babies can’t help it, you can.

    Don’t really agree with some of these.  As long as the guy isn’t faking tears I have no problems with a guy getting emotional.


  • Pingback: Facebook Timeline: The social network’s new profile design makes it easy to delete your past. – Slate Magazine | The Cyantist()

  • tr7fan

    its been my experience that the black women where i leave are about 88 percent trouble.
    closely followed by the rest of the women. being in a small town they think theyre all gods gift.
    so i just figure i ll be alone the rest of my life with my hobbies.
    its funny how someone you liked 10 years ago think they can just walk back into your life and
    pickup where they left off. all i can figure is these 3 are not worth spending any time on.
    at this stage of life for me i just figure thats the way it ll be

  • guest

    How about: nine things website designers think users want in a blog, but don’t – with #1 being having to navigate to a whole new page and refresh all the pictures and bannar ads to see each one of the nine things.

    • Guest

      #2 can be creating a profile account in order to post in the comments section.

  • Cami

    It’s all true, but what happened to “just be yourself”?

  • Michael DeGregorio

    This is gold.  Remember guys, don’t get sad in front of her because “women want to be with someone who has an aura of strength and the ability to protect her”.
    We must preserve the delusional mindset of most women, after all.  

    • racc

      true. women just want a strong one night stand and no attachments. cool.

  • PoetExcelsior

    It’s sad that we have so called information sites, like madamenoire which provide nothing insightful. Just more retread garbage.

    People do not give a damn about each other today and are ready to leave a ‘relationship’ at the first sign of trouble. Women and men are too picky. No wonder relationships don’t work.

    • CJH

      I like the “11th” Commandment:  “Be thou flexible.  If thou art flexible, thou shalt not be bent out of shape.”

      • PoetExcelsior

        The 12th commandment says, leaveth the crazy woman aloneth. 😐

  • Joyfulgirrrl

    I’m sorry, but I don’t feel this represents me at all. I love that my husband calls me throughout the day to tell me he loves me. I love that he is able to shed a tear at another’s pain, and I especially love when he swings me around and kisses me unexpectedly as we’re walking down the street.

     I don’t know who the writer was talking to, but this does not represent all women.

    • Andrew Gerstenfeld

      I agree joyfulgirrrl, I find the key to life is balance and honesty. Sometimes i can smother my fiancee to much and she’ll just tell me and ill stop other times i can not show her enough affection. Relationships need to be about learning and respecting one anothers interests and enjoying each other.

  • Girliusmaximus

    My guy doesn’t talk so I wish I could find myself needing to tell him to shut up one day…

  • Yesmyqueen

    showing emotions is a natural human process. so you want us to not go through this process because you don’t like it. fine. men hate that you menstruate. STOP IT NAOW!!

    • Guest

      Showing real emotion is fine.
      It’s when crying is done for the sake of appearing “sensitive” that it gets to be a bit much.

  • …… women wonder why men are so cold.  Fellas all women do not think this way. 

    •  Thank you Dawn. Whatever single witch wrote this article is definitely speaking for herself!

  • F3ral Anarchy

    so one day after another horrible date i sat down to pray…i said “god will i ever understand women?”….there was a moment of stillness and then a rumble in the air.  The lord said “my son…give up! I dont understand women either….AND IM GOD!”

    • Sugar_Spice

      Lmao that’s a good one, i’m not even going to lie I don’t understand SOME women & I am one.

    • FuzzyBunny

      ………..sorry but that was just disrespectful and distasteful!

      You should respect GOD above everything. 

      • F3ral Anarchy

        (((shrug)))  sorry fuzzy….ima non believer

        • Girliusmaximus

          I thought it was funny…

      • remove the pole from your azz

      • Mixon851

        Wow, people like you are why I have little faith in humanity surviving. 

        • Smb04d

          It’s a f*cking joke

      • Heywood

        Nah. Respect your health above everything else. Scratch delusion and superstition from the list entirely.

      • Sean Collins

        get a life

      • Sean Collins

        and a sense of humor while ur at it

      • Zebra52

        You need to relax…..I’m sure God has a sense of humor.