WOMAN to WOMAN: Love is not enough…

November 19th, 2011 - By Rashana A. Hooks

Love is great, heck love is grand but love should not be the reason why you stay with someone if you are not happy. If you are being mistreated, cheated on or constantly taken for granted, what’s love really got to do with it?

For some reason we believe that just because we may love someone it means we have to stay with them. As if we must stop loving them in order to leave them. As much as that would make the whole ordeal a lot easier, leaving someone and not loving them is hard to fathom. You have to admit, we stay in toxic relationships for too long because we claim we love the person that continues to hurt us. They break our hearts, we forgive, try again and again and again all in the name of love. When are we going to learn that love is just not enough? There is respect, trust, honesty, fidelity and plenty of other needs that are required to sustain a relationship.

Love is such a powerful word, that it often overpowers our minds. It takes over our hearts and leads us to a place we sometimes don’t recognize. We get so caught up in the name of love that we lose sight of what a true relationship is suppose to be. Now don’t get me wrong, love plays a major role in a relationship, but it just can’t be the only role, especially when the relationship has issues. It’s okay to love someone and not be with them. We can’t always control our hearts and who we fall in love with it. If he can’t appreciate your love and cherish it, than take your heart elsewhere darling. Life is too short to hang on to a “has-been”.

Woman to woman, always remember, love is good, love is grand but love just ain’t enough…

Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

 

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  • Lvewyrbtch

    Now some would think bcuz I liked this article that I’m in a loveless or volatile relationship… NOT!! >> Just a good read and some might benefit from it.. I can honestly say that I have been there b4 (but those days are definitely OVER!) >> th msg is oh-so tru tho!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1065806649 Nzingha T Matamba

    I agree with this article. The topic reminds me of those old blues songs. A man can love on you all day and night.. but if he is unable or unwilling to keep you warm, full, healthy, and safe then you might as well forget it. I am married and love my husband very much; but can say that I did not marry him only because I love him. I love you for keeping these thought provoking articles coming.

  • S Terry53

    I too am dealing with a situation where I dated a guy for four years and we married for about eleven. He wasn’t abusive, as far as I know didn’t cheat and genuinely loved me. My issue is that he is a destuctive drunk and can’t keep a roof over our heads. I’ve been homeless with this man, I’ve live with this man at his momma’s house and we’re constantly being evicted. I don’t see a happy or fulfilling future with this man at all. All I see is stress strain and struggle; just like it’s always been. I find it difficult to completely walk away (divorce) because I know that I’m loved, but that just isn’t enough for me anymore. We have a daughter that is looking for me to be a role model and though I do want to teach her tolerance, I also want to teach her not to accept the short end of the stick… what to you all think?

  • Free

    So true it’s almost as though God led me to this article. After 4yrs it’s about time I let go of my first love. We tried again & again but there’s just too much hurt. He is manipulative. How u can sleep with someone’s best friend like that he’s done so much crap to me. I actually fell into depression. The fact that I let someone have that much power over me is disgusting. & he makes himself look as though he’s done nothing. Like I’m some ragdoll. I’ve had enough. I don’t wanna be with a lousy guy for the rest of my life. I’ll be happy if I never see him again. If anyone is feeling the same I pray that God pulls u through it. Cause no one should go through this pain. I take it one day at a time.

    • Nadeshdasm

      I wish you strength and courage not to break. You can bend if necessary but don’t allow anyone to break you. I think your first love taught you much about life, yourself, and people in general. But he’s not the end of it. He fulfilled his function in your life, now you’ve outgrown the situation and can move on. I bet you know now better what you precisely do NOT want in a man. Enjoy the time of transformation that is coming, painful but VERY rewarding once you pulled through. Remember: God won’t take you to what he can’t take you through. Enjoy the positive feeling and FACT that it was you yourself who made the mature decision that he can no longer use you like a doormat. You did that using your own inner strength, going from a passive position of victimhood to self-empowering decision making. In a way you should cherish that thought and remember it. Whenever there comes a situation in life again that leaves you with your back against the wall you can always come back to the moment where you had the strength to move on from a destructive relationship. Can be incredibly empowering!

    • Donette4

      I know what your feeling,I pray that God pulls us  both through  my email is Donette4@yahoo.com if you want to talk more okay. :)

  • Angel Unaware

    As a young girl, I used to listen to my aunt play “Young Hearts Run free” by Candi Staton over & over again. Funny how certain things stay with you. Now, as my own woman going through growing pains & life lessons, I hear this song in the back of my mind………..I think it was her way of having the “talk” without saying a word. Needless to say, Miss Candi knew what she was talking about.

  • Girliusmaximus

    “It’s okay to love someone and not be with them.” That needs to be on a bumper sticker and a t-shirt STAT. Sometimes it is just not enough. Taking abuse and/or working too hard to keep up something that isn’t there can steal years of your life away without you even realizing it.

  • Bustyjazz1999

    I told my sons father and my ex to never call me again a few weeks ago. It was the hardest thing i had to do. Im happy with who i have now and after 18 yrs of abuse, he refused to be happy for me.i kept thinking if you would’ve gotten your shiggity together, we could still be a couple! Does anybody know the phrase if you love something set it free?

    • Guestandtherest

      there’s a song by Sting that deals with this topic: if you love somebody set him free. On another note ther eis that saying: if you love the person let him/her go; if he/she returns he/she belongs to you! Nice thought.

    • Justine_smart

      you think YOU let him go??? It sounds like he let you go a Loooong time ago and you did not get the message. Men are cowards and will “stay” with someone who “loves” them and is “trying to make it work”. I think women need to stop listening and startt watching. That way, you don’t waste time in a situation with someone who clearly is not interested in creating a life with you.

  • MsIndependent

    the real issue is how do folks out there in relationship land define true love? The answer to this  is the difference between being in a good relationship filled with true love or a crappy one that will end in sadness.  

    • yeukno

      thats an important question ‘what is true love?’…well this definition is formed by socialization and hence some believe thug/hood lovin is the ish while others go for a wedding and a ring before they become just another baby mamma.

  • Deewright1

    I’m learning that love isn’t enough. Letting go and allowing the other person to be who God meant them to be and if that means without me.. I can be okay with that.

  • http://www.bednp.com/ D&PCartel http://www.bednp.com

    You can say that again. The only “L” word that should be a deciding factor in a relationship is how positive and fulfilling of a “life” the two of you are builiding. If that is not the case you have to cut him loose.

    Vermel Kinmon

    • Sugar/Spice

      Wow, that’s deep right there

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