Men of a Certain Age: The Pros and Cons of Dating Much Younger and Older Guys

February 2, 2012  |  
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If you’re in your 50’s and he’s in his 70’s, no big deal. And lucky him by the way. You’ve both basically done all the personal growth you’re going to do. You’ve both gotten your wilder years out of the way, and you’ve both lived full lives with satisfying careers and plenty of travel (hopefully). But, when you’re younger, every year, even every half year, changes come, meaning different concerns, different priorities and overall different mentalities. You want someone whose knowledge and experience will complement—even supplement—your own. And it’s a very particular aged man who can do that. To be a cougar or try your hand with an older man? If you miss the mark, you’ll be dealing with these issues:

 

Too young to know

To bring you soup when you’re sick. To be your date to your parent’s anniversary party. To pick you up. To call and ask how your day was. It takes a certain amount of maturity to know how to effortlessly incorporate someone else into your life—and that includes incorporating their needs. A young guy might be a lot of fun and you might relate on a lot of levels, but some just might not know how to be a partner.

Too young to care

He hasn’t been out of college for too long. He has a decent job, although it’s not where his heart seems to be, but it’s where the money is at. His bills are paid, and he is having fun exploring the “real world” and his new freedom. He isn’t thinking too much about the repercussions of going out every night. Honestly, he is excited to be making all of this money to spend on things he might laugh at years from now. And you might be tempted to join in on his carefree lifestyle. Come on. He’s hot and he is texting you to meet up at a bar. What does it matter that you have a presentation in the morning that your promotion is riding on…right? Wrong.

Too young to pay

It is nice to be treated, of course. But that’s not what this is about. The real issue is that he doesn’t have the big bucks or money saved even for himself for the truly valuable experiences, like cultural trips you want to take together, or even to see that Tony-Award winning play opening in your city tonight. Or how about that new Asian-German-whatever fusion restaurant everyone is talking about and that is apparently transforming the culinary scene around town. His budget his holding back your development, and unless you want to pay for everything or do all these things with girlfriends only, you’re probably going to start getting bored.

Too old to party

You don’t want a party animal but you don’t want a total home body either. If you date a man that is past his partying days, he will either, A.) insist you stay in with him, in which case he is keeping you from your friends, or B.) let you go, but without him, and you don’t get to share the experience with him. You don’t get to laugh about the funny things that happened during that outing together. Or have awesome drunk sex (kidding). In fact, you crawl into bed when he has been passed out for hours, and you sleep in late while he gets up early to read or for a jog. You’re missing each other.

Or even worse, he could come to the club with and be anything BUT the life of the party and be ready to go home and hit the sack before you know it.

Too old to worry

You might just be making moves to start the career you want. This could mean writing a little dinky blog that you hope to turn into a book. It could mean teaching cooking classes at the local recreation center for almost zero pay just to get a name out there for yourself. Essentially, you’re at a place in your life that seems ages ago to him now that he is established. First off, being constantly in the presence of luxury and an established life by being with him might make you grow lazy and give up your dreams, or it might make you think less of your accomplishments and the job you have…it’s true. Or, you just won’t talk to him about the things you’re working on because you’re afraid they’ll sound silly and petty to an established business man or entrepreneur. That’s no fun.

 

Too old to wait and take things slow

Listen, this dude wants to get married soon! Men have biological clocks too. They don’t want to be 70 years old at their kid’s high school graduation. And they might be feeling a certain way about being the only man in their group of friends who isn’t married (whether committed or not). Even if he doesn’t verbally rush you, you will feel that pressure.

The perfect age

In you’re 20’s and early 30’s, it’s best to have a partner who is maybe just half a step ahead of you in life. Maybe you’ve just graduated, you’re starting your menial job and you’re barely paying rent and he just got promoted; but he was where you are a mere year ago. He relates. He knows what will help you. He doesn’t feel so far ahead that he feels more like a mentor than a boyfriend. Maybe you’ve just conceptualized a business idea, and his own business is just starting to take off. Once again, he was just there himself. He can offer guidance, but he still relates. But as always though, you should definitely go with whatever works for you and puts you in the healthiest and happiest situation. Because you never know, you could find that perfect match and then age really won’t be anything but a number…

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