Why Are Black Men Discussing Our Hair on Dr. Drew’s “Life Changers”?

November 17th, 2011 - By Brande Victorian

It’s always funny to me how when walking down the street with a bun no one knows I exist. Then two hours later when I walk down that same block leaving the shop, suddenly every man is all up on me just because the wind caught hold of a tress. The down side of a man admiring your hair that much is that it feels like a limiting obsession— you do know I have more going for me than this, right? Nerve.com recently talked about dreadlocks as a tool of attraction and one woman said tons of men have viewed her hair alone as a come-on. This sister says men have fetishized her locs for years, making comments like, “Oh, I’d just love to have sex with you and pull your dreads.” On the flip side though, she’s been told, “Oh, you’re so beautiful, but I can’t bring you home to my parents.”

Dr. Drew asked the first man in the audience if he understood how men play into women’s hair issues, but I really don’t think they do. Shortly after, another man in the audience caught a little flack when he said he was fine with women having natural hair but later remarked that if his kid had nappy hair he would take the boy to the barber shop to get it cut off. I’m pretty sure he was trying to make that point that if his son’s hair appeared unkept he would take him for a shape up, but by his use of the word nappy, the women got on him for sending mixed messages.

We can easily say “who cares what these men think,” but the truth is we do for the most part. Perhaps not so much that we would totally alter our hair texture (although some do with chemicals or weaves). But we want to attract men and be admired by the men in our lives for our physical beauty, and hair is a part of that. Getting noticed for internal beauty is another important level of love.

How much do men’s opinions affect your hair choices? Have you ever had a man fetishize you for your tresses? How did you react?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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pretty girl swagg

I am offended that there is so much emphasis on trying to understand Y black women do this, do that, or whatever. Y r people obsessed with touching black women’s hair. The black men are just as disrespectful. I have to put the blame on the people who go on these shows, first its all about ratings, and somebody cannot embarrass u if u dont put yourself in that position. dr. Drew tries to b politically correct, he sounds ignorant, but im thinking its exactly what HIS AUDIENCE WANTS TO HEAR……
ElleBella

I am not sure why other races are always in black womens hair. Women in general have options. That is why it is so great to be a female. Our fashion options run the gambit. Black women have gotten comfortable with our African hair regardless of what anyone else thinks about us. Hooray to us!! Society is always telling us that we don’t fit into the puzzle, so we went to make our own world. When you not trying to fit in then they go hard to vy for your attention. Ladies let’s keep going. Any world that disrepects us is not worthy in having us. We are way too valuable, to beautiful, too smart, too powerful and too blessed. If we were not, then they would not be trying so hard to get our attention. If I can’t get your attention in a good way maybe I can get it in a negative way. For all the women out there getting booty, breast and lip implants more power to you, but don’t turn around and disrespect me. I don’t get that at all.
sixfootdoll

I believe Black women should be able to wear the hairstyle of their choice, without commentary. Natural or weaved. As long as you feel good about it…do you!
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AE332VZJBOER5P22LIDGAQYCWE Bella

How do men’s opinions affect my hair choices? I think if i cut my hair and went natural my father would disown me. Ok, maybe he wouldn’t be that mad, but he would be put out. Him an my brothers are the only men that get a say in what my hair is like. But they have all preferred it relaxed. Not with a weave or wig though, they prefer y own hair, but that’s partially because i’ve managed to get it to a nice length. Who know what they would say if it were really short? I don’t bother myself about it. And i guess if i really felt that relaxing it all the tie were too much trouble, i would cut it off.

I did have a boyfriend that loved my hair. Looking back, i’m pretty sure the hair is what attracted him in the first place. I don’t now about fetishizing it though, because i didn’t let him go that far.
adobedoo

no 1 white people should stay out of our probelms period- they were the ones who started it
no 2 im actually getting sick or black men and women too of their poor education. I’ve actually come to the point of not caring at all- as no matter how i try i’m too dark, my hair is short etc. From now seems relationships for me are just to stressful esp. with ignorant black men- and i’m only 14
Freebirdie33

I see black women everyday who are dating or married to good men whether they are rocking a weave, wig, natural or relaxed hair etc…their hairstyle preference didn’t seem to stop them from finding or attracting anybody. I think our community puts way too much emphasis on hair..
Tee Tee

Some black women are stuck in an ALL LIFE crisis with themselves. Can’t expect their black, features, hair, culture, eyes NOTHING! Other races of women said “BYTCH, MY HAIR IS LONG, STRAIGHT, SILKY AND SOFT & yours isn’t. You know, hair DOES make a woman.” And that CRUSHED black women as a whole. To me, It’s like beating a dead horse with some. I REFUSED to wear another woman’s DEAD HAIR on top of my head. NEVER! I swear I get more men then those women who STARVE for attention. No make-up, fake hair, fake nails, arched eyebrows, Gucci, Louis NOTHING! Men tell me all the time, your confidence just shows. It’s refreshing to see a woman like you. Where did they all go?! LOL! No wonder when I go out, I get stared down like I’m foreign. LOL!
- Nefijones1
  
  It is a well know fact that men are drawn to women who exude genuine confidence.
  
  All the fake stuff is just that – fake.
  
  I love make-up and all, but I prefer natural beauty for myself. I would never want a man to wake up next to me and see a totally different person. He needs to run his hands through MY hair and touch MY skin. Not some hair that I bought and live in at all times. I think that weave should be an enhancement sometimes just to switch it up. But sadly, some women are so tied to having weave in at all times, I doubt that they really know much about their own hair.
Blackwomenexpression

I love how everyone always remembers the negative stuff that was said. No one talks about the two young men that simply said it doesn’t matter what you do to your hair. If you have self love and confidence then a man is going to see that and be more attracted to you rather he likes weaves, short hair, long hair, natural hair or not. What we need to be concerned about is how we are more focused on our hair than our own health. Some women refuse to work out because they are sooo concerned about their hair. Some of our priorities are out of order. Some of us rather be obese or unhealthy in order to have straight flowing hair. That’s a problem. We are too concern with what others think, than our own health. Of all things health and hair should have been talked about on this show.
Kayla

Woman put much more emphasis on their looks than men do. Nothing wrong with weaves but when it comes to the point where you are too attached then it becomes a problem.
- Darkesthourglass
  
  That’s the problem right there. If the house caught on fire the first thing they’d grab is that bag of weave.
  - Anonymous
    
    And the first thing BM would grab is his PS3 and his gun!
    - aqquippless2000
      
      Damn Right!!!
NikkitaMichelle

I don’t understand why black women are the ones who are being singled out about weaves. All of Hollywood is now a breeding ground for fake hair. Like anything else, black women set a trend but it’s not acceptable until whites admit they like it. We’ve caught flack for having curvy bodies and big butts, but it’s not acceptable until JLo and Kim K.’s butts are noticed. Fake hair is taboo, until Jessica Simpson and Brittney Spears start wearing extensions. The quadruple standard is getting old. We’re fly and we’re tired of the rest of the world dragging its feet to catch up.
- Hrdblkman
  
  You think blk women are the only ones with curvy bodies and full lips??? Latinas are the home of big booties and full lips with natural REAL hair. Stop thinking blk women are the only ones that have them…… Hell Indian women have the best of all the races out there but they ain’t claimin fame to anything…….. Just blk women. SMFH
  - Sense
    
    There are plenty of black women with real natural hair, it grows out of their head does it not, not all wear weaves, I for example do not. And people do not talk about Indian women because by large their obsession with religion makes them boring just like Indian men. We do not claim anything, Latina’s have large hips generally and quite square torso and that is different from a small waist and big butt. It’s not our fault people are obsessed with bw and the reason is, that people find bw interesting whether it’s for the right or wrong reasons they just do. Maybe because more bw are open and also integrated a lot more with western society therefore things we talk about or our humor translates more with western whites, than the humor of say Indians, Asians or Latina’s might with western whites etc. Look at the music industry it’s full of people which can’t sing just because they are not boring and more entertaining.
  - Guest
    
    It’s not about who’s the best of all races. It’s the fact that black women STAY being attacked, ignored, and/or disrespected in the media. Just a few weeks ago Dr. Drew had a show on about how sme black men won’t date black women for whatever reason. Have you EVER seen a show of latino, white, or asian (which in clude indian) men saying they won’t date a woman of their race because of this reason or that reason??? No- you haven’t! And for that reason we as black women have to acknowledge our own beauty!
- Darkesthourglass
  
  I don’t think it’s so much about Black women wearing weaves in general but more so relying so heavily on weaves, using it like a security blanket. There are black women out there that you will never see without a weave and half of them look ridiculous as it is. A lot of white women in Hollywood wear extensions but I bet you won’t see a lot of normal, everyday white women wearing a weave (and wearing one all the time?) I don’t think black women get flack for having big booties either. If the rest of her body is in proportion and she’s hot, then what’s the problem?
  - Anonymous
    
    If BW want to wear weave..and they’re paying for it…who’s business is it?
    The question is what kind of real Men even sit around discuss this beside Black Men?…could this possibly be the signs of not having Fathers in your lives to teach you the important things in life like respect for others morals and taking care of your family? I just can’t imagine Latino ,Asian or White Men sitting around discussing hair…simply beacause THEY understand that this is a free country and if you don’t like something about another person you DONT have to be with them! Black Men are becoming more and more effeminate as the years go by (complaining…crying on tv…belittling and arguing with Women…gossiping) and it’s really pathetic.
    - Anon
      
      Many black women have large curvaceous behinds. Most white women do not have large, curvy behinds. According to present day trends, big behinds are considered attractive . Most black women don’t have long, lustrous hair. Long, shiny hair is overwhelmingly considered attractive in MOST cultures. Look, that’s just THE WAY IT IS. It’s probably been this way since the caveman days. Like it or not–long, healthy hair sends a POWERFUL biological symbol to men. But hey, so does a large curvaceous behind. You can’t have every dayum thing.
      - mytwocents
        
        Anon, that is very insightful. (You might add that many east Asians prefer many european physical attributes to their own which is shown today in who has access to asian ovary products pursuant to procreation.) Wholly taken, this amounts to a Triangulation of Beauty – the title of my forthcoming book – where the perceived sweet spot of attractiveness is an amalgamation of physical attributes taken from women across the globe.
    - guest
      
      I LOVE THIS LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT
Sugar/Spice

Dr.Drew I was a fan of you because we live in the same city & i’ve always heard you were a nice, genuine guy; but may I ask what’s with the current infatuation with black people? I’ll give the shows producers & Dr.Drew the benefit of the doubt for now but, I honestly feel like these shows are meant to degrade us to a certain extent
letmethinkonthis

Wait. Forget the hair debate. Did anyone else catch that Dr. Drew is in our hair? Why is the black woman’s body being constantly raped by the media?

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