How You’re Trying TOO Hard To Meet A Man

November 17, 2011  |  

"Black couple flirting"

Everyone wants to find someone. In their own way, everyone is on the same search. But it becomes a nuisance to your friends and a drain on you if searching for a partner takes over your life. If you try to meet someone everywhere you go, if you won’t go if you know there won’t be men there, if you’ve become a flirting machine, your friends won’t want to invite you out anymore, and you’ll look desperate to the men you meet. Here’s how you know you’re trying too hard:

"Black woman on phone"

You’re begging for a setup

Your friend mentioned once, a month ago, that she knew a guy you would be good with and that she’d give him your number. You hassle her multiple times a week to find out if she has given him the number. It’s the first thing you bring up whenever you speak to her. Also, anytime her boyfriend mentions a guy—any guy at all—that he knows, you ask if he would be a good match for you.

"Black woman on computer"

You Google search him

Any time you have just a decent conversation with a guy at a party, or even on the bus, if you don’t exchange digits, you end up tracking him down on Facebook, Linkdin, Twitter—wherever. Maybe there was a connection. Maybe, when he got off the bus, he thought “Shoot! I should have asked for her number” but…if you track him down online, he is going to realize you had to do all that work just to contact a guy you had one conversation with, and it might look desperate.

"Female friends at lunch"

You ignore your friends

You are constantly on the prowl for guys when out with friends. They can’t keep your eye contact for more than that polite second that you look at them to pretend you’re listening. The only think you bring to the table is “do you think that guy over there is cute?” “should we send him drinks” “should I go talk to him?” “what should I say?”

"Black attractive woman texting"

You’re online dating ALL the time

You get email alerts any time someone messages you on OkCupid, Match.com or whichever service you chose. You’ve set it up so you phone pings you each time one of those email alerts comes through. And under the table, while you’re at dinner with a friend, you’re checking the message and responding to it. You’re sneaking off to the bathroom to review your new matches. You are never present where you are.

"Young black couple laughing"

You laugh when you don’t mean it

You just want a guy to like you so badly—you’re willing to sacrifice quality for quantity (the quantity of one man)—that you act like everything every man you speak to says were the greatest words ever spoken. But, how are you going to end up having a relationship with someone like that? You would have to pretend every day to be someone you’re not.

"Woman checking out man in grocery store"You chat up every cute guy

Standing in line at the grocery store, sitting on the subway, crossing paths on the sidewalk, while you’re pumping your gas. You desperately come up with something to say to start a conversation, even in places where most people didn’t plan on having a conversation. You don’t even notice when the guy pumping gas is obviously in a hurry and trying to end the conversation. You’re just trying to come up with more cute things to say. But there is a time and place to flirt.

"Attractive black couple flirting"

You’re the group flirt

If your friends throw a party, they can bet that you will spend the entire night zoned in on one guy. You’ll corner him onto a couch and engage him all night. You’ll make him your partner if there are games at the party. You’ll follow him when he gets up to get a drink or bite to eat. Your friends begin to wonder why they even invite you, because they don’t get to talk to you.

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  • IllyPhilly

    Really? I’ve been saying that to ALL the damn articles on here about how to meet men.

    • Love_Sexy

      I agree too!