Don’t Be Annoying: When To Give Your Man Advice and When To Step Back

November 4th, 2011 - By Julia Austin

"Woman giving man massage"

Since most women are nurturers by nature, we have to really make a conscious effort to remain equals with the men we date and not fall into fix-it mode the second we walk into their messy apartment or we see that there isn’t one fruit or vegetable in their kitchen. Yes, you should care about his wellbeing and take an interest in the things that are important to him, but sometimes women go overboard. We make men feel like they are doing everything wrong. There is a fine line between caring and condescending. Learn how to walk it:

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  • L-Boogie

    Good advice!

  • Jimmy Swaggered

    Mr. jaustin,

    In regards to a man’s dog: “This isn’t his baby, it’s his buddy”.

    Well done sir. Truer words were never spoken.

  • JustAshley

    I like this article. Since we are naturally nurturers, we can’t help but notice that black men do get the wrong end of the stick- so to speak -and that may be why some of us unconsciously coddle them. When you see someone you care about hurting, you immediately want to relive their pain, but often times the pain is necessary for their growth. You could be totally right in your advice, but sometimes you just have to step back and let him learn his own way. 
    *
    On the other hand- if he NEVER takes your advice and he CONTINUOUSLY finds himself in situations you’ve warned him about – its time to leave his dizzy behind right where you found him. He foolish and he doesn’t respect you. 

  • JustSaying

    I agree but I don’t. There is a difference between giving constructive criticism or suggestions vs. simply putting down someone. I have been in a relationship for a long time and if he doesn’t get a job interview or if he is eating more but complaining that his gym membership is a waste. You damn right I’m going to say something. Doesn’t mean I am looking at him in a negative stance or anything. It is no different (at least to me) when he says, “Babe… you shouldn’t be eating that if you are trying to lose 15 pounds.” Sometimes people need to be regulated and often its your partner that should have that ability to do so. If not; who is going to regulate you? Please don’t say your friends because that is a whole different topic that always results ina problem, putting more trust in your friends then you do your relationship.

  • Pingback: LADIES DON’T BE ANNOYING: WHEN TO GIVE YOUR MAN ADVICE AND WHEN TO STEP BACK | Trapjuice.com

  • AnnaRenee

    I can’t speak for white women,  but for sisters, I wonder if our relationships with our men are exacerbated by the fact that society works tirelessly to put down the black man. Everywhere we watch or read, as it pertains to black men, it’s extremely negative media.  How do we not become negatively conditioned against our black men?  How do we not subconsciously treat him like a BOY, the way society teaches us to view him?  How do we know if we have been conditioned in this way against our men?

  • MSKNOWITALL

    Okay ladies we all do all this and what do we get in return?  MN can you please post an article on men and their ineffective communication skills.  Provide tips for them on active listening and how to actively acknowledge their wife or girlfriend’s needs. Both sides need to put in the work for the relationship to be succesful.  

    • Double_dizze

      This is a site geared towards women.  Why would they post an article for men?  Sometimes just taking a little advice without someone else having to get theirs is a good thing.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LMDJBVQT7URMQNBISXGOF73QTU MixedUpSiciliano

    Black girl here and I agree with pretty much everything on this list. I had an ex that did the criticize every single thing I ate and I had to end it. ( Not just for that ). Any who, yeah I totally agree w this list. If and when  I enter a relationship with a man again I will make sure to be supportive but not the monkey on his back about everything. 

  • AnnaRenee

    I agree that we have to be careful who we listen to.  Sadly, most TV entertainment appeals to the lowest common denominator of behavior, with Jerry Springer & Maury Povich as the standard bearers.  They’ve done more damage to the black man’s honor than any other show.  We have to understand what’s going on, and protect ourselves from this madness. They dont call it TV programming for nothing.  Dont allow yourself to be “programmed” against your black men.

    I also wonder to what extent black men fall victim to this negative dominant view of themselves, and dumb themselves down accordingly? How can they overcome this and aspire to greatness in spite of this attack against them?