Does Your Relationship Need A Refresh?

November 7, 2011  |  
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Anyone who has ever read my love and relationship column knows I am a martyr for monogamy; but, I would be lying through my teeth if I acted as if it was a walk in the park.

Naturally, relationships go through cycles like the people involved. The first six months of dating tend to differ from the 24th month, and, for many, the newlywed stage of marriage is quite different than year seven. However, the idea of long-term monogamy is not to blame. It is our inclination to subconsciously hit cruise control when we have reached particular levels of comfort. And, that comfort is what gets us stuck in mundane patterns of behavior.

As people, we evolve and so should our relationships. The same way we reinvent our “look” every so often, we should also reinvent our relationships in an effort to not only keep things fresh and interesting but to also grow together. Are you wondering if your relationship is in need of reinvention? Here are a few signs you and your honey are coasting:

You’re bored

Every day is the same. You don’t argue, but conversations are bland. And, you can’t remember the last time you and your man did anything exciting, or romantic. Boredom is a sign your relationship needs a splash of color. Try adding mid-week dates with an element of adventure. If you’re foodies, choose a different hole-in-the-wall to visit each week. Sharing new experiences is a way to build new connections and breathe life into an otherwise monotonous routine.

Sex feels like a chore

This is something that tends to happen when settling into marriage. We enter with sex as top priority and, over time, it gets pushed further and further down the to-do list. Actually, the fact that it gets placed on a to-do list is somewhat of an issue, as scheduled sex often becomes boring sex. Leave room on your daily task list for sexual intimacy and be more spontaneous. Meet up for midday dessert or buy some new toys.

Me-time is more attractive than us-time

When you start to operate more as individuals under the same roof than a couple, it’s time for an intimacy facelift. Me-time is important, but togetherness is part of being in a relationship. Get to know your partner, again. Take 10-15 minutes each day to unplug from the world and focus on one another. Sit down and chat or go for a walk. Start giving 30-second hugs. Reacquainting and physical closeness will help you remember why it’s so great to be together.

Your lingerie is at the bottom of the drawer

Your lace G-strings have been hidden so long, you forgot they were there. The sexiest you get at night is an oversized t-shirt—a recipe for robotic pleasure to say the least. Reach down and pull it out, because it’s time to get Hot again—stilettos, smokey eyes, and the whole nine yards. Show your man who the Victoria’s Secret catalogue is missing.

You only cook his favorite meals that require the least amount of effort

Cutting corners and lack of inspiration is a true sign it’s time for reinvention. Ask yourself why you aren’t prompted to go out of your way for your man anymore. Remember, when you wanted to show off your culinary skills? Remember when you went out of your way to show him he was special? It’s time you start making him feel special, again. Doing for others often makes us feel good about ourselves, too.

Your lady parts are in much need of landscaping

You don’t trim the hedges or keep a clean shave anymore, because you’re not worried about bedroom impressions. If he loves you, he shouldn’t care about the jungle down there, right? Yes but no. Keeping things manicured shows him you’re still trying to be Hot for him. Appearances aren’t everything, but physical attraction does matter.

You can’t remember the last time you did something out of the ordinary

As stated before, some of what bonds us with our partners and strengthens intimacy are shared experiences. It is important to try new things together, to be adventurous. If you’re the couple that always plays it safe, try something a little dangerous. And, if you’re always on the go, try winding down with something calm and really romantic.

LaShaun Williams is a Madame Noire contributor and columnist whose work has appeared in the New York Times and across several popular sites, such as HuffPost Black Voices and the Grio. For more on love, life and everything in between, follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun and Facebook.

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