What Bridesmaids Wish They Could Tell Brides
Here is something brides-to-be need to understand: your wedding will never be as special to anyone else as it is to you. And that’s perfectly normal. Why would the day you unite your soul with another’s be as special to anybody else as it is to you and your fiance? It’s not their union. Your friends and family love you and your fiancé—they’re so happy you found each other—but they haven’t been there for every waking moment of laughing in bed and taking care of each other when sick and adopting a dog. They’ve been living their own lives. And, they’ll barely be around once you’re married, too. So for them, your wedding day is just that—a day. It’ll be a fun one. They’re honored they were invited. And they will truly be happy to watch you get hitched to your love. But it will never mean as much to them as it does to you. So brides, please keep that in mind when I share the harsh truth. Here are things bridesmaids wish they could say to brides but can’t.
I’m not wearing the dress again
It doesn’t matter if you got what you believe to be the most neutral color that matches everyone’s skin tone or a timeless cut—I’m not wearing this dress again. It’s a nice dress (hopefully) but I still have 20 others I like better. So stop trying to sell me on the, “You can wear it again!” angle. Because that’s just not happening.
Yours isn’t my only wedding this season
You need to understand that, if I’m nitpicky about how much money I have to put into the bachelorette party or treating you to a spa day with the other bridesmaids, it’s not because I think one bachelorette party will break my bank. It’s because I’m attending four bachelorette parties this wedding season, and those, together, will break my bank.
Nobody even sees the shoes
Do I really have to buy new, expensive shoes? Nobody even notices the shoes! Seriously!
These are not real problems
We will try to sympathize when you call in tears about the fact that the caterer you wanted fell through. But you have to understand that your wedding has not been the center of our universe the way it has been yours. If you call us about a bad floral arrangement after we’ve been up since 6 am taking care of our kids or dealing with a mean boss, we’ll have a hard time really investing in the flower conversation.
Nobody even notices the hair
Also, unless we plan on doing a full photo shoot just of the backs of our heads, nobody is going to notice our hair. I should be able to do my own hair, for free, rather than spend $120 on this French twist that nobody will appreciate.
Even this “cheap” dress is expensive
Even if you find a dress that is $100, keep in mind (again) that I’m not wearing this thing again. So that’s still $100 down the drain in your bridesmaids’ eyes.
Do I have to come to dress fittings?
Eeeeeek. This one is painful to say but going to dress fittings isn’t really fun for anyone but the bride. We’re just someone for you to talk to while the seamstress pokes and prods at you.
I don’t know your other bridesmaids
Please understand that when you ask all of us to go on a long trip for your bachelorette party, you might be the one enjoying it the most. Why? Because the rest of us probably don’t know each other. I don’t know your college roommate or your second cousin or your childhood friend as well as you do. I don’t have the rapport with them like you do. We’re just a bunch of strangers, spending several hundred dollars to travel with a few girls we may or may not like, and then will likely never see again (besides at the wedding).
When did bachelorettes become week-long things?
Speaking of bachelorette parties, what happened to the good old days when these took place in a night? Since when did it become okay to expect your bridesmaids to spend more on the bachelorette than they’ll spend on your actual wedding? Suddenly I’m taking vacation days and dipping into my emergency fund to go to Mexico for a bachelorette party…what?!
Please just pick a dress already
We have limits when it comes to helping you pick out a dress. A day or two dedicated to dress shopping is fun, but beyond that, we start to want to pull out our hair when you go, “Hmmmm…I don’t know…” to another dress.
Groomsmen are so lucky
Can we be groomsmen? They pretty much just get to go to the bachelor party and show up at the wedding. There isn’t a groomsmen equivalent of a bridal shower. The groom doesn’t ask his buddies to attend tux fittings.
When did weddings become month-long things?
It’s a wedding day. Not a wedding week. Not a wedding month. That’s what your honeymoon is for. When did weddings start to involve an engagement party, a bridal shower, a lunch for the bridesmaids to get to know each other, a lunch between the whole bridal party and on and on and on?
We don’t need to make parties out of every chore
The truth is, I’m happy to help you lick envelopes but my free time is limited. Hand me the stack, I’ll take it home and do it, and drop it back off. We don’t need to get everyone together, order lunch, pour mimosas and make a day out of every little chore. Is that fun? Sure. But I don’t really have time for it three times a month.
Did I mention yours isn’t my only wedding?
Did I mention this fact? It warrants two mentions. That I have four women at once texting me links to restaurants they think would be good for the bridal shower and photos of flower arrangements and panicked ranting sessions about dress fittings? I wouldn’t mind also, like, having a conversation with my significant other, going for a jog, or just doing nothing at all, instead of responding to these for an hour a day.
All my savings are going to wedding season
During my late twenties, for several years in a row, all of my savings have gone to wedding seasons. And it’s rather maddening.