6 Dating Rules That Shouldn’t Exist Anymore

November 9, 2011  |  

"Rules of dating"

Do you want to know why you don’t have to follow all of “the rules”? It’s not because they aren’t helpful. They are in place for a reason, or rather, for people who cannot think for themselves at times. But for the most part, everyone has heard so much about “the rules”—and everyone knows that everyone else has heard all about the rules—that, if your date appears to be “breaking” one, you know he isn’t some dumb*ss who never heard of the rule. Rather, he has made his own decision on how to deal with that situation. He has learned that things don’t always go catastrophically wrong if you break a rule. And if you’re breaking one of the rules yourself, most men are smart enough to know that doesn’t automatically mean things are going to play out exactly like GQ said they would when this “rule” was broken. You’ll see what I mean:

"funny ex boyfriend t shirt"

 Talking about exes

We’re told not to do this because it could show pent up anger, or even feelings, we still have for the ex. Or, it could make the date jealous. Okay. First off, if you still have pent up anger or feelings about the ex, you shouldn’t be on this date. And it’s a good thing he is seeing you still have those feelings, so he has the chance to pass on date #2 with you. If your talk about the ex makes him jealous, well that’s good for you to know—you don’t want a jealous man. But, in most cases, if you both are at peace about your exes, then talking about them is just another way to get to know one another—what the other is looking for in a partner, and what their deal breakers are.

"Black couple arguing on date"

Being “polite”

Getting into an argument on the first date is awkward. I mean, if you really, really disagree with something someone is saying, you might just laugh it off rather than let him know it’s not okay with you. But, if you want to know now whether or not you want to continue seeing this person, you should tell him exactly what’s on your mind. Give him your opinion, even if it is drastically different from his. If he can handle that—if he doesn’t take offense to it and treats your opinion with respect—this doesn’t have to be a done deal. But if he can’t handle it….good for you to know. Awkward, but good.

"Hot black woman"

Dressing hot

Are you someone who regularly dresses provocatively? I’m not saying vulgar, but someone who is proud of her curves and shows them off with taste? Maybe even turns heads because of her sultry dress and voluptuous figure? Do it on the date! For many women, playing with different fashions that play up their feminine figure is one of their greatest joys in life! He should know this about you. It doesn’t mean you’re skanky. If a guy doesn’t take you seriously because you like to dress hot, good for you to know! You want to be with someone who lets you enjoy your body, enjoy wearing the clothes you feel good in, and knows you are still a woman of character.

"Black business woman"

Talking about work

For some people, work isn’t just work. It’s their passion! It fulfills essential needs in them. It gives them a chance to nourish their best traits. It’s where they come alive. If you feel this way about your job, then talking about it is just another great way for your date to get to know you better.

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Inviting him “up’

Oh come on. What decade is this? If a man thinks he is going to have sex with you just because you invited him upstairs to hang out then…this must be the first date in the history of his life. Sometimes, the date just goes well and you want to get to know the person better, without the noise and hustle of a restaurant or bar. Most men know this doesn’t mean they’re getting sex. And if he does think that—so what? He’ll find out quickly that he’s not. Or maybe he is….but that’s up to you.

"Black couple bored on date"

Saying you “had a nice time”

Well, if you had at least a pleasant time, say that. And thank him. But, if you didn’t like the guy, don’t let him live with the delusion that you do for the night. Don’t let him go home and dream about you all night. Don’t get his hopes up. Tell him right there and then–as uncomfortable as it may be–that you don’t see it going anywhere, and that you didn’t want to waste his time.

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  • guest

    Hmm, jealousy is a huge red flag.  Run the other way!  Let’s not play games here – anybody will think you want sex if you invite them to your place alone.  If you’re not ready to have sex with him yet then don’t play with his head by inviting him to your place alone.  It just sends a message.  Have one or two family members there if you must.

  • NikkitaMichelle

    I disagree with the the ex thing.  If things did not end well in your last relationship and you still harbor some resentment, it will be obvious to your date.  The last thing a guy needs to think is that you’re not over your ex and that he’s now going to be punished for whatever this dude did.  He will exit stage left immediately.

    As for wanting a jealous man that can work against you as well. It’s good that he’s into you, but a man too jealous can turn out to be possessive. Can you say stalker?