Is This Petty? He Forgot My Name And It’s A Deal Breaker

October 13, 2017  |  

If a guy you’re getting to know romantically happens to forget your name, is that a deal breaker for you?

forgot my name

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I was talking with one of my best friends over the weekend about the pitfalls of today’s dating scene, which is something she makes a hobby of grumbling about. But then again, the men she’s encountered over the last few years would make anyone as tired as tired can be. One cat in particular, whom she met while hanging out with friends, ended up falling into that pit of disappointing suitors.

From what she told me, they crossed paths at the party, hit it off, and exchanged information. They texted and called one another for days after that and carried on some pretty good conversation. Then things hit a big snag when while speaking on the phone, he halted conversation to say, “I’m really sorry. Can you tell me your name again?”

That turned out to be a huge no-no for my friend, who afterward, stopped answering his calls and messages.

As we walked down the street and I listened to her story, as a person with horrid memory myself, I asked her if she hadn’t taken it all too personally. Some people are forgetful. I literally take B12 pills daily to help with my own deficiency, so you never know. But my friend had already decided it was a pretty bad sign that he hadn’t bothered to remember her name. She believed it was something she couldn’t overlook, so she didn’t.

Another friend of mine had a similar incident that actually happened within 24 hours of meeting a guy. While we were out for lunch one Friday afternoon, a Wall Street banker/mergers and acquisitions type came up to our table to try and make a move on her. He was older and suave (and yes, Black). He asked her name, if she lived in the city and he gave her his card in the hopes that she would let him know if she was interested in grabbing a drink. In the moment, I was super excited for her — an established guy with a really good job and a car and a crib in Jersey?! Nice. But he also proved to be a disappointment pretty quickly.

When my friend text him at the end of the night to let him know it was nice meeting him, he responded by saying, “I hope we can hang soon, *Brittany.”

Her name is *Brenda.

As annoyed at that as she was, he did just give her his card. They hadn’t exchanged numbers with all the basic contact info so in a day, it’s not a preposterous idea that he might slip up with her name. She corrected him and let it go. Unfortunately though, Mr. Big Time Banker kept dropping the ball until she cut him off completely when his old behind sent her a text asking for her to “send some pics” during the work day. They get older, but they don’t always mature.

But what does it really say when a guy you’re interested in can’t remember your name? Does it mean they’re truly not as interested as they let on? Does it mean they have a whole collection of women they’re trying to woo in addition to you? I asked my husband what it could mean, and he just shrugged and said, “I mean, I don’t think it’s automatically a bad sign. If you’re new in someone’s life, sometimes people forget names.” I can attest to that, as I’ve literally shaken someone’s hand, heard their name, said my name in turn, and as the minutes passed, realize I’ve already forgotten their name. Yikes!

But the truth is, there is a way to handle it. Preferably, if you are about to leave an encounter with a person and you actually want to get to know them better, it will sit a lot better if you apologize for forgetting and then ask for the person’s name again then and there. Don’t wait days. Or, if you’re lucky enough to have a mutual friend with this person you’re interested in, you can always ask them to fill you in on the low about the individual’s name. However, you shouldn’t just let time go by pretending you know something important when you really don’t. It doesn’t look good, nor does it sit well with a person who ends up getting the impression that they’re not special enough to have their name remembered. Not to mention, it didn’t sit well with the group of women I shared today’s “Is This Petty?” topic with, who all grumbled and said, “Uh yeah, it’s a deal breaker!”

The more you know, the better…

But, per the usual, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it an immediate deal breaker if someone you’re getting to know on a romantic level has forgotten your name?

* Some names have been changed to protect a person’s identity 

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