Have You Been Running From Yourself And Into Relationships?
Our developmental years are complicated and fragile. Whether we like to admit it or not, the things that we experience in our childhood and teenage years affect the way we handle life—particularly our relationships—forever unless we confront those experiences, dissect how they changed us, and take control of them. If you keep choosing the same type of (wrong) partner, it likely has something to do with experiences from your past that you have yet to confront. Whatever type of partner you choose is just a distraction from that truth—from that trauma or event that you don’t want to look back on. If you don’t take the time to tend to your mental and emotional health, and really take control over your journey (rather than let your past control it), you’ll build a life around avoiding something bad, rather than pursuing something good. So, have you been running from yourself and into relationships your whole life?
You fight with your family a lot
If you fight with your family a lot then that means you and your family have unresolved issues. That’s okay—plenty of families do—but if you’re a grown woman who actively fights with her mom every time she gets on the phone with her, then those issues are still affecting you. They probably affect how you behave in relationships, what you put out into the world, and whom you choose to be with. A turbulent family life is a symptom of unresolved issues.
You feel a sense of doom in relationships
You feel an eerie sense of doom in your relationships. All your relationships feel at once familiar and unnerving at the same time. That’s because you know a force of darkness drove you to this partner—not a source of light. You know, deep down, that your unresolved traumas got you here, rather than your strength.
You choose the same, wrong partners
All of your relationships tend to have the same problems. That’s because there is some lesson—some truth—about yourself you refuse to confront. So it keeps confronting you in your relationships.
You’re never alone
If you cannot be single for even a week—if you already have several potential mates lined up before you end a relationship—you’re definitely running from yourself. You need to be entangled in another person. The thought of just…being…with yourself causes you anxiety. It’s not even an option.
You move very fast in relationships
Your friends and family tend to worry about how fast you move. You become exclusive with someone after three dates. You move in before a year. You’ve had several broken engagements.
You take on your partner’s identity
If your partner is into boating, you’re into boating. If your partner is a minimalist, you sell all your things. If your next partner is superficial and all about appearances, you go out, and re-buy all your things. You need someone’s identity to cling onto, since you don’t know what yours is.
You’ll ditch friendships for a man
You’ve burnt a lot of bridges and upset a lot of friends because you always choose your partner (and your new partner at that) over your friends. You’ve bailed on a friend’s birthday party because your boyfriend of two months wanted to take you away for the weekend. You’re so afraid of being alone (aka facing yourself) that you’re willing to forsake your friends to make sure you can keep a partner.
You have surrogate boyfriends
On the rare occasion that you are single, you have surrogate boyfriends. These are men who you know have a crush on you, will take you out on faux dates, pay attention to you, and text you all day. You desperately need a distraction from yourself.
You crave male attention
You need male attention. You post attractive selfies online every day. You have a lot of male friends (who you know are attracted to you). You don’t leave the house without putting on makeup because you like to turn heads, even if you’re just getting groceries. You think a lot about getting male attention and devote a lot of time to getting male attention.
You married young
If you got married young and are already divorced, you are almost certainly running from yourself. The human mind and personality change dramatically until about the age of 25. If you married before that age, you probably just wanted to avoid personal growth and development because that involves facing your issues.
You’ve already married several times
If you’ve had several failed marriages before the age of 40, it’s quite possible you’ve been running from yourself. There is no way you can possibly work on yourself, tend to your issues, and seek effective therapy in between TWO marriages, all before the age of 40. So you took the marriages over the personal growth.
The idea of therapy frightens you
The idea of therapy actually really frightens you. You have passionate opinions on why you don’t believe therapy even works. The more afraid you are of therapy, the more you need it.
You manipulate what your partners see
You can’t honestly say that any partner has ever truly known who you are. The image you’ve shown these partners has been calculated. You’ve always thought about how you behaved around them and what you showed them. But how could they know who you are if you don’t know who you are?
Your relationships are intoxicating
Your relationships are all consuming. They’re very intense. There’s always talk of getting tattoos of each other’s names and running away together. Read that again: running away together. You seek out these all-consuming relationships because they give you an excuse to run away from yourself.
You require full attention from partners
You can’t tolerate partners who do not make you the center of their lives, right away. If a man simply wants to take things slowly, you see him as disinterested. You’ve developed such an unhealthy view of how relationships should go that a man who asks to see you “just twice a week” is, in your eyes, not interested. But in reality, about twice a week is a normal way to see someone you just met. Not everybody has to be living together by month four.