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Imagine that you’ve met an amazing man who meets all your surface requirements: He’s handsome, charming and intelligent. But when you asked the million-dollar question of “What do you do?” his response was filled with copious amounts of business goals as opposed to accomplishments because he’s pursuing entrepreneurship.

You tell him things you’re ashamed of

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Image via Shutterstock 

From this revelation, you might assume that his financial situation is most likely unstable. He might not be totally broke (he could be living off of his savings), but the income is nonexistent. Before you can even think about giving this guy a chance, the little voice inside your head is saying, “Girl, run for your life and never look back. He has nothing to offer!” You wouldn’t be alone in that thinking. Wanting to jump ship at just the hint of a man’s unstable job situation is quite common.

A survey by It’s Just Lunch in 2012 found that 75 percent of women said that they would not date a man who doesn’t have a job. Interestingly enough, the data collected showed that these women weren’t too concerned with wealth necessarily, but they just wanted a man with aspirations and not one who lacked the desire to do something with his life.

My friends share the same sentiments of the women in the survey. They truly want a man who is actively trying to better themselves and their career, with the exception of two friends who literally want someone wealthy.

Whatever you prefer or desire when it comes to financial and job stability, there is nothing wrong with digging deeper into a man’s job situation when you’re getting to know him. In fact, sometimes it’s necessary.

In her article, “Why It’s OK to Want to Date Successful Men,” professional matchmaker Alessandra Conti explains that knowing a man’s status within his career path is important at the beginning of a possible relationship since men need to feel like they are prospering within their career field. If they’re not, it could have a negative impact on them and in turn, whatever the two of you are trying to build. She says that if a man is satisfied with his profession, he will be able to fully immerse himself in the relationship.

Conti has a point. But sometimes the job you’ve found isn’t enough. What happens when you meet someone who does have a job, a lackluster one, and he’s not only uninspired but also doesn’t receive a high salary?

I was with my ex for five years and he spent three of those years either looking for a job or getting laid off after only a few months of employment. While I never thought about breaking up with him solely based upon his inconsistent income (those were the years right after college graduation and he didn’t find his dream job readily available), I must admit that our relationship suffered a bit. For example, his pride wouldn’t let me pay for dates, so quite often, we would not go out. And as supportive as he was of my endeavors, there were times I detected a hint of jealousy when I got a job that I pursued or a promotion within a company.

Based on a series of experiments focusing on how success can affect a romantic partner, researcher and author Kate Ratliff found that a man is threatened if his partner does better than him, specifically when they are doing something together. “But this research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner’s success as their own failure, even when they’re not in direct competition,” Ratliff said in a statement to LiveScience.com.

I believe that a healthy relationship can still be attained if a man is in the process of working toward his career goals, even if he isn’t as successful as his partner. Taking Conti’s advice and discussing a man’s job status at the beginning of a relationship is great, but aim to go in-depth on his current situation. If he’s not happy at his job, discuss his ultimate goals and aspirations, and figure out how you can help him along that journey. Make sure you cheer him on when he feels defeated and help him celebrate the small victories — if you so choose to stand by him.

However, in supporting his efforts, you should not neglect your own. While chasing his dreams, your partner should be just as supportive in your success and encourage you to be your best self. After all, a win for one of you is a win for the relationship as the two of you should grow together.

All too often our inner circle of girlfriends or family will tell us that we need a man who is raking in the dough and will slightly judge us for dating someone who has a less than stellar job title. This mentality can keep you short-sighted and possibly out of a meaningful relationship with a great man at whom you wouldn’t otherwise look twice at. But if you see signs that he is content in his situation and has no intentions of getting out of it, then move on. If he does want to better himself, give him a chance. Only you can define what you ultimately need in a relationship and if a man is willing to work on himself for the betterment of his life and yours, he’s a keeper.

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