How to Date Two Men… Without Being a Total Beyotch

November 2, 2011  |  

How to Date Two Men at a Time
You’re not paranoid if you think men are most drawn to you when you’re taken. If you’re seeing one guy who makes you feel happy and confident, other men are attracted to that happiness and confidence. So it’s no coincidence if it seems that you’re either going through a dry spell at certain times, or conversely that you find yourself having to choose between multiple men. And that’s not a bad thing. Don’t say no to a date with one guy who you hit it off with just because things are going well with someone else. Be fair to yourself until you are ready to settle down with “the one.” But, at the same time, if you’re going to date multiple men casually, be fair to them too. Here is how:

"Girlfriend meeting the parents"
Say no to the serious stuff
If he asks you to meet his family, or to be there the day he wakes up from surgery, you may have to pass. Tell him it’s too soon to meet the family. Tell him you hope the surgery goes well, but that you think at this point it’s more appropriate for his best friend or family to be there. Anything that is going to bond you even more, when you’re not sure you want to be bonded — don’t do it.

"Save the date wedding invitations"

Don’t suggest serious stuff
The reverse is true, too. It may seem like a good idea to take him as your date to your best friend’s wedding, or bring him along for a weekend visit to your parent’s town, but these things say to him “she wants me to be an integral part of her life.” Sorry but, grab a male friend to be your date to the wedding, and visit the parents solo, as boring as it may be.

"Calendar"

Space out the dates
If you’re seeing these men multiple times a week—maybe even alternating nights of staying at their houses—they are going to assume you’re not seeing somebody else. If you want to put the breaks on, put them on. Set a rule for yourself that you will only see each guy once a week, until you know which one you feel more serious about.

"Black couple in bed"

Use condoms
Do I even need to say this one? You’re already toying with their hearts. You don’t need to toy with their health.

"Restaurant check"

Don’t let them pay all of the time
If you are dating two guys, you know one of them has got to go eventually. You may not know which one, but there is a 50/50 chance that the guy putting down his credit card for your five star meal, the three martinis at the after-bar and the theater tickets is going to be let go. And, if he ever finds out it’s because someone else was in the picture, he is not going to appreciate that you sat back and let him throw money around.

"Woman throwing drink at man"

No double standard
If you’re dating multiple people, so can he. Unless he has explicitly said “I’m only dating you” (in which case, you better have been honest and said “I’m not…”) you can’t go crazy on him if you run into him out with another girl. You’re both allowed to test out your options until you’ve discussed otherwise.

"Women gossiping"

Prepare your friends
You don’t want your friends accidentally mentioning the other guy in front of the one who happens to be with you on a particular night. And you certainly don’t want them to look shocked when you show up with a date on one night, and then show up to another important event with someone else. Tell them you’re dating multiple guys ahead of time so they can play it cool. With these simple rules, you should be able to handle multiple partners until you find the guy who is worth all your personal time.

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  • Pingback: I’m Dating 2 Guys What Do I Do | Dating Online Advice()

  • zizig

    I ‘m a guy and I found out my wife did this to me when we were dating. I was supposed to feel good that “she chose me ” — well, I was furious –I resented knowing I was sloppy seconds.

    I divorced her. I wish I knew then so I didn’t make the mistake of marring her.

  • JustDoingMe

    When did dating start meaning that one had to be in an exclusive relationship with another person? Isn’t  the point of dating to test the waters before settling down on a single one to swim in?

  • yrush007

    while this sounds good in theory, it probably won’t happen.  nowadays most women (& men) who have multiple dates are NOT be honest & open about it, are toying w/the other party’s health by not practicing safe sex, and are just being downright cruel w/mind games.  as long as you’re just going out to have fun (dinner & a movie here, a party there) & both of you know you’re not exclusive, that’s fine.  but when feelings are involved and you’re playing the golddigger or playa-playa role, that’s when things get messy. 

  • Pingback: Dating Dos and Don’ts: Don’t Get Serious When Dating Multiple Men | How To Be A "Dating" Goddess()

  • Old soul

    One question: use condoms…why are you having sex with more than one person in such a short time period. Scary

  • Christian Catlett

    Have you ever heard of nicole brown simpson? If you have then you know exactly why its hazardous to play a black dude. especially one of these thugs. SMH 

  • Xjdi

    I totally agree…so where is the article of how to the same with girls???? Funny how everyone wants to say it’s messed up dis n dat that guys date multiple girls but u wanna enforce this type of ideas n show girls its ok to date multiple guys?

  • Xjdi

    I totally agree…so where is the article of how to the same with girls???? Funny how everyone wants to say it’s messed up dis n dat that guys date multiple girls but u wanna enforce this type of ideas n show girls its ok to date multiple guys?

    • Dnrozz

      um whats wrong with dating multiple guys? As long as ur just having fun and not screwing them all , whats the problem???? what if one isnt looking for anything exclusive? whats the big friggin deal???? explain someone

    • Dnrozz

      um whats wrong with dating multiple guys? As long as ur just having fun and not screwing them all , whats the problem???? what if one isnt looking for anything exclusive? whats the big friggin deal???? explain someone

  • KIR12

    The truth of the matter is that the most attractive black women (educated and uneducated) have more offers for dates and relationships than any other race of woman. Most of them generally make the wrong decisions of who they allow to date and romance them when they’re at their physical peak (in men eyes) 16 to 28.

    I find it interesting that the unattractive and overweight black women never speak on their girlfriend who had a new boyfriend every other month while she was lucky to get one or two dates a year. The funny thing about it is when both are over 30 and both are now having problems finding a man the attractive one is the one complaining the most! Who’s fault is it that you kept picking players, losers and bums? You didn’t want the boring guy and now that you’ve aged a little, put on a few pounds and have a couple of kids you complain?

  • KIR12

    The truth of the matter is that the most attractive black women (educated and uneducated) have more offers for dates and relationships than any other race of woman. Most of them generally make the wrong decisions of who they allow to date and romance them when they’re at their physical peak (in men eyes) 16 to 28.

    I find it interesting that the unattractive and overweight black women never speak on their girlfriend who had a new boyfriend every other month while she was lucky to get one or two dates a year. The funny thing about it is when both are over 30 and both are now having problems finding a man the attractive one is the one complaining the most! Who’s fault is it that you kept picking players, losers and bums? You didn’t want the boring guy and now that you’ve aged a little, put on a few pounds and have a couple of kids you complain?

    • solar23

      i totally agree with this.  Black women for the most part consistently make the worst dating decisions in the 20’s (they go for “swag” whatever that means…..) I have met women in their 20’s and i ask why are you with such and such, how does that person enhance your life, and` their entire answer comprises of he seems cool, he is cool.  Now i am all for having fun, but if thats what you are about own it.  When they have tons of miles, and kids, then they say oh i have grown.  Why should your life have to sideways for you to grow.  why can’t you learn from everyone else w/o taking the same step…But sistahs are a breed unto themselves.  Only God can help black people, esp now that 2 out of 3 of black children born in the past 5 yrs are born out of wedlock.  Dang do they have to sleep with everyone who has something shiny

  • Analyst

    Maaan you can have multiple men interested in you at the same time and have NO desire to date any of them…calibre matters.

  • As long as you know how to do you just do,as many as you can at a time,save the love making for thee right one.Get them gifts sister,just keep your legs close.It can be done,because we got the treasure,and he-they know that .I'm smelling good tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OH, I'M MARRIED. JUST KEEPING IT REAL ( J.K.I.R.).

  • Miz Kizzy

    When did it become de rigueur to date only one at a time? Hell I've dated 5 at a time, and not all that long ago.

    The only thing I disagree with is sleeping with all of them, again that's just me, chit happens, so yes, be prepared.

  • LA Chick

    I needed this article. This is literally my life RIGHT NOW! Lately I've been trying to balance my time with the different guys accordingly and not to double-book. I see it as, I'm single and there is NOTHING wrong with DATING to see what you do and don't like. Isn't that what dating's for??? And although I may like them, I definitely make it clear that I have "options."