The Benefits Of A Peaceful Breakup
If someone has really disappointed you or just not turned out to be the partner you wanted, it’s tempting to just hand him his *ss when you end things. You may want to list everything that is wrong with his personality. You may want to point out every selfish thing he ever did. You may even want to say nothing at all and just ghost the guy. But, as hard as this may be to believe, it’s actually good to have a nice breakup. Sure, it doesn’t allow you to unleash your rage in the moment, but it will inevitably have you feeling a lot better later. And at the very least, nobody has ever regretted having a civil breakup. Being polite and respectful has never lead to anything bad. Meanwhile, really laying into your ex can certainly have negative effects. Here are the benefits of a peaceful breakup.
You could meet his friend one day
Towns are always smaller than they seem. There is a good chance that you’ll wind up dating someone this guy knows one day. When that day comes, and your new boo connects the dots on the fact that you used to date his friend, what do you want that friend to say about you? Do you want him to tell this new guy (who you really like) that you threw a drink in his face and wrote a mean blog post about him back in the day?
He may know your colleagues
Maybe you won’t date someone your ex knows, but you may work with someone he knows, or work for someone he knows. Or, worse yet, hope to work for someone he knows. Now, when that potential boss or business partner sees you and your ex are his mutual friends on Facebook, she’s going to ask your ex what he thinks of you. Do you really want him telling her you’re temperamental, immature and unpredictable?
You may get back together one day
I’m talking way, way in the future. If you’re breaking up now, it’s for good reason. So don’t start thinking about getting back together next month. But you never know where life will lead you. Maybe you’ll reconnect much later in life (like after your first divorces). Of course, that door will be shut if you took a baseball bat to his car when you first broke up.
You could be friends one day
This ex might make a really nice friend one day. If you were together for a very long time, then you were friends in addition to romantic partners. A few years down the line, when you’re in a fight with your mom, you may want to call your ex to complain about this one behavior of your mom’s that he remembers oh-too-well.
It may end up on social media
Don’t think that your ex will accept your nasty breakup quietly. He may publish your mean texts online. He may have a voice recording of all the mean things you said during the breakup. He may write a book about it. You never know who you’re dealing with and he could be just as vengeful as you are.
It’s less exhausting
Angry and negative breakups are exhausting. You just wind up having all the fights that are the exact reason you’re breaking up! If you’ve decided it’s time to end things, then just say that. Don’t say why because I can promise you your version of why is different than his version and the breakup will turn into a fight.
You can keep the gifts
If you’re nice about the breakup, then maybe your ex will let you keep the gifts. Maybe he’ll let you keep signing in as a guest at the nice gym where he pays for the membership. Perhaps he’ll still give you a discount at the company he works for.
If you ghost you will be ghosted. If your plan for this breakup is simply disappearing, just wait and see how soon you’re ghosted. What goes around comes around.
You’ll avoid the rage
If your plan is to tell your ex everything that is bad and unattractive about him, don’t think he doesn’t have a similar list waiting for you. And if you can’t take it then don’t dish it out. You’re better off not knowing that that one little thing you do in bed looks weird—it’ll set you up for a lifetime of insecurity.
You may still run into each other
If this breakup is nasty, then any time you walk into a bar and see him there, you’ll have to go to another bar. If you go on a date and see him at the restaurant, you’ll have to change restaurants. If you pay for a movie ticket and find him at that same showing, you’ll have to leave. Being on bad terms is just plain inconvenient.
It’s not embarrassing to tell future boyfriends about
When future boyfriends ask, “How did things end with your ex?” you won’t have to make up a huge lie because you won’t be totally humiliated about the truth. And if your new boyfriend somehow finds out about your last breakup, he doesn’t need to learn that you kidnapped your ex’s dog for a few days just to make him panic.
You need the in-person closure
Don’t think that a nice, calm breakup is just for your ex. You’ll need that closure, too. If you ghost a guy, you’ll wind up feeling like the relationship isn’t over. If you say a bunch of mean things, prompting him to say mean things back, you’ll feel like those fights never ended—they’re just on pause.
Someone you know may date him one day
A distant relative, colleague or neighbor may date your ex one day. Then you have to see him around at work or family functions. Do you want both of you to remember the time you stood on a chair and announced to everyone in the restaurant that he has a small penis?
It’ll stay with you forever
You’ll always feel a little gross about ghosting a guy, or being mean in your breakup. It’ll follow you around, much like a ghost. It won’t sit right with you.
It’s the mature thing to do
We’re adults now. We don’t need to become all angry when a relationship doesn’t work out. Nobody wronged us by simply not being the right person for us. In fact, if you’re a mature adult, you shouldn’t even be carrying on relationships to the point when they’ve become full of rage and anger.