Gettyimages.com/Serious female counselor gestures while talking with Caucasian female client. The counselor is holding eyeglasses and a pen. They are discussing serious issues.
Every person and every relationship is unique, but at the end of the day, no matter how you got there, or what part of his childhood or your childhood caused it, most unhealthy couples tend to exist in the realm of a handful of common patterns. You can explain how your relationship is unique until you’re blue in the face, but when all is said and done, if you end this relationship, you’ll look back and realize, “Ah. Yeah—my relationship fell into one of those patterns.” Many toxic patterns are just difficult to spot while you’re living them, but the trained eye (like the eye of a therapist) can see them with just a little information. In case you’re wondering where your therapist is going with her line of questioning, here are relationship patterns your therapist is looking for.
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Making excuses for your partner
When your partners let you down, you make excuses for them. You can always put yourself in their shoes and always empathize with why they had to let you down. But ultimately, that doesn’t change the fact that they cannot give you what you need. Understanding why your partner can never hang out with your friends doesn’t put his butt in a chair at brunch with them. Of course, if you’re only dating men who can’t give you what you need, something deeper is at work, like a lack of self-love, or a fear of a relationship that will work out.
