Why You’re Addicted To Flings
Are you the queen of flings? Maybe you catch up with your girlfriends every two months or so, and when you do, you’re always catching them up on a new guy. People have a hard time keeping up with who you’re dating now, and your friends have given up on investing in anyone since they know (and even you know) they won’t be around for long. You don’t just sleep around though, and you don’t just have a ton of brief but serious relationships that go up in flames. No: you have strictly flings. If the guy is moving in three months for work, perfect. If it’s the cutie subletting the apartment upstairs from yours for the summer, even better. You look for things that never had a future to begin with. You seek built-in expiration dates. Your flings don’t end in a fight or in drama. They die of natural causes. But is that a good thing? Here’s why you’re addicted to flings.
You’re always exciting to him
You’re deeply terrified of becoming boring to your partner. You see couples who know everything about each other and can finish one another’s sentences, and that makes your skin crawl. You crave having a man who constantly wants more information about you. Of course, you are not a never-ending well of new information. That well dries up. You’d rather the relationship end, first.
He’s always exciting to you
Your flings are always exciting to you, too. You don’t have to find ways to keep the spark alive, the way long-term couples have to. You get to take the easy route of always dating guys you know very little about. This way, you can remain in the fun getting-to-know-each-other phase and you never get bored. It’s pretty immature, really.
You get to peek into his life
You learn about the world through men. You like to experience different walks of life via the men you date. Each one lives in a different type of home, has different friends, has different passions, frequents different destinations and has a different job. You like to be a chameleon, adapting temporarily to each one’s life. This can happen when you’re not comfortable in your own skin yet.
He only sees the good stuff
You can be on your best behavior for approximately three months. That’s about as long as you can pretend to be adventurous, generous and totally laid back. Beyond that, your true colors start to shine. Maybe you’re selfish and jealous. Maybe you have some personality traits you aren’t proud of, but don’t feel like working on/fixing. It’s easier to just date someone for as long as you’re able to hide those.
You can’t be there during hard times
You don’t have the fortitude to be there for somebody when things get rough. You aren’t comfortable consoling someone during tough times. You flake when things get too heavy or difficult. But in the first few months of a relationship, guys don’t really expect you to be involved in the heavier parts of their lives.
You’re worried he’ll cheat
You’re deeply worried about being cheated on, but in your experiences, guys are usually too obsessed with you and only you for the first few months of a relationship to get wandering eyes. You don’t dare venture into the phase of a relationship where a man might begin to look elsewhere.
You’re worried you’ll cheat
You honestly don’t think you’re capable of fidelity. But a man can keep your attention for a few months. For the most part, so long as you’re the center of his universe (which everyone is, in the first sweet few months of a relationship) you won’t be tempted to look elsewhere for attention. This happens when a person is deeply insecure.
You’re afraid to commit
There are so many men out there to sample! It seems a pity to settle down with one! You can get a good feel for each one after about a few months, then move onto the next one. Of course, if you feel this way, then you simply choose the wrong guys. When you find the right one, you won’t be curious about what else is out there.
You lack communication skills
You do not know how to handle an argument in a healthy way. You absolutely hate having to explain to a man that he has disappointed you in any way. Open communication about emotions makes your skin crawl. You can usually avoid that for the first couple months of a relationship.
You have a bit of an ego problem
You must be the center of your partner’s attention. You get pretty upset when you aren’t. You can’t be the center of your partner’s attention forever—he has a job, friends, family, hobbies etc—but you usually can be for a few months. So that’s how long you date men.
You’re still figuring out who you are
If you can’t remain in a long-term relationship ever, and no relationship has lasted for more than a few months, then you’re likely still figuring out who you are. These flings are a part of your process of learning who you are, and what you need in a partner.
The sex is never dull
Fling sex is rarely dull sex. You can try new positions, toys, and places for at least a couple of months. Your partner is still excited to have sex with you for the first few months. You just couldn’t handle getting to the point of a relationship where you start having sex less, or it isn’t as exciting.
It’s all fun dates, all the time
During the beginning stages of a relationship, or during a fling, you have fun all of the time. Every time you get together, you go out dancing, you have drinks, you try a new restaurant, you explore a new hike, you go on a weekend getaway etc. You just don’t want to be one of those couples who watch TV on a Friday night, so you never let things get there.
You’re afraid to get hurt
You’re afraid of getting hurt. When you care about someone, you risk getting hurt. When you date someone for a long time, with no end in sight, you wind up caring about them. You don’t want any of this.
You think everything ends in divorce
You’re pretty cynical about relationships. You believe all relationships either end in divorce, or with the couple secretly hating each other and being miserable forever. You don’t want to wind up in either of those scenarios, so you only stick around for the easy, happy, beginning.