How Not To End Up Like Tasha
Men like Lawrence from HBO’s Insecure cause women to ask the question that guys everywhere cringe at the very sound of: “What are we?”
When it comes to Tasha and Lawrence, it’s clear that their expectations of one another are different. We all knew that moment when Tasha blew up at Lawrence for ghosting her at the family barbecue was coming, and she did too, but she didn’t want to believe it. Tasha was becoming emotionally invested while Lawrence was trying to occupy his mind and time while getting over his ex-girlfriend. It wasn’t fair that Tasha was being subjected to his non-committal rebound games, but she didn’t establish any boundaries with Lawrence — nor did she ask any defining questions to save herself from disappointment. A lot of women have gone through (or are currently going through) a “Tasha phase.”
Many women have dealt with a man who gives some time and attention but doesn’t have the same intentions as them. Deep down, we know they won’t commit but we keep them around hoping that we are wrong. Sometimes women are scared to ask key questions and be clear about what they want for fear that it may scare the man off or they will hear an answer that will hurt them. After Lawrence pulled the “f*ck boy” move, Tasha said she “knew” they weren’t serious, but her actions showed otherwise. She saw that Lawrence only came by on the weekends for dinner dates and sex, barely listened to her when she spoke, and slept with his ex-girlfriend who he wasn’t over. Instead of paying attention to the signs that he just wasn’t that into her, she stuck around. He led her on, but she followed his lead. There were signs that he didn’t want anything serious, but she ignored them. Tasha knew things weren’t leading to a relationship but she was blinded by hope that Lawrence would stick around and fulfill her fantasy. She played herself.
When you ask a man the dreaded “what are we doing?” question and he tells you he’s just “trying to chill” or “have fun,” and that isn’t the answer you were looking for, move on. Don’t stick around and try to win him over with your charm, effort and dedication in hopes of changing his mind. If you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t waste your time on someone who clearly isn’t.
This conversation is important because it can save you from being hurt. Tasha knew Lawrence was fresh out of a relationship and he was vulnerable. If she would have asked him his intentions or let him know what her intentions were in the beginning she most likely would have saved herself from being so hurt.
Was Lawrence dead wrong? Absolutely. He could’ve been up front about what he wanted when they first started their “situationship.” He didn’t want to attend the barbecue and when Tasha asked him to go, that was his cue to break the news to her. Did he? Of course not. He did it after he consciously embarrassed her in front of her family. Women can’t depend on men to be honest though, unfortunately. We have to depend on ourselves and use better judgment. Would you pursue a man who was fresh out of a five-year relationship? Would you invite this guy to the family gathering even though he slept with his ex while you were dealing with each other? Would you think your weekend sex buddy wants to meet your family?
The hardest part about all this is accepting that the person you are interested in having a relationship with doesn’t want the same thing. But if you don’t accept that then you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak and that’s a lot harder to get over than disappointment.