Are Your Friends A Bad Influence On Your Relationship?
This can be painful to accept, but some of your girlfriends may not want your relationship to succeed. It can be hard for some women to see their best friends get into serious relationships. If you had a slightly co-dependent friendship, then your girlfriend might just worry that you’ll no longer be available as you used to be to talk on the phone at a moment’s notice, go on road trips together, get drinks during the week and have sleepovers during the weekends. Then you may have friends that are outright jealous because their own love lives aren’t going as planned. Deep down, they believe that if they can’t have a serious relationship then nobody should be able to have one. It all sounds petty, I know, but it happens all of the time in female friendships. The closer the friendship, the greater the chance it can happen. Are your friends a bad influence on your relationship?
They call him controlling for asking where you are
When your partner simply texts to ask what you’re up to or when you’ll be home, your friends joke that he has you on a leash or he is too controlling. They may even grab the phone and teasingly tell your partner you aren’t coming home tonight, just to make him feel silly for asking the question.
They have “single women only” events
In a passive aggressive move, some of your single friends might have “single women only” nights. Apparently, there are some things they just can’t talk about when you, their friend in a relationship, are around. This can leave you feeling pretty left out. But that’s what they hoped for—to make you feel left out, just like they feel left out of committed relationships.
They only and always want girls nights
Any time they reach out to hang out, it’s always for a girl’s night. They never invite your partner along, even though they know you’re in a serious relationship. You don’t expect them to invite him every time, but they never invite him. If he’s important to you, they should be making an effort to get to know him. And they should recognize that you don’t always want to choose between seeing your partner and seeing your friends.
They tell you you’ve become boring
Your friends joke that you’ve become boring since you got into a relationship, all because you don’t want to do things like flash a group of guys for free shots or dance drunk and naked through a football field late at night. You just don’t want to do something that would really upset or hurt your partner’s feelings. You have to think about two people when you do reckless things now, and your friends should understand that.
They openly hate men
If your girlfriends openly hate men it’s nearly impossible for them to not be bad influences on your relationship. You’ll have to constantly fight off and reject the negative things they say about men and remind yourself those things don’t apply to your partner. Hanging out with them while still thinking positively about men and relationships can feel like an uphill battle.
They make your partner apologize for all men
Your partner doesn’t exactly love hanging around your friends because they usually come to him with some story about some man who recently pissed them off. Then they demand that he explain the guy’s behavior. The subtext, really, is that he apologizes for that guy and for men in general. This doesn’t make your partner excited about having your friends over.
They show up unannounced
If you live with your partner it’s important that your friends respect your privacy and your need for some alone time. If you have a friend who was essentially your surrogate partner before you met your actual partner, she may have a hard time adjusting to the fact that she can no longer sleep on your couch every night and stop by unannounced whenever she wants.
They want to take up your vacation days
Your friends make you feel guilty for using some of your vacation days to go on trips with your honey. Maybe you used to use all of your vacation days to travel with them, but it’s only natural that you’d now use some of those to do some important bonding with your boo, away from the stress of life. Your friends shouldn’t make you feel bad because you no longer go skiing in the winter with them and hit a beach destination in the summer with them and go on a cruise in the spring with them.
They won’t come to anniversary parties
It can be a sad feeling when your friends won’t come to you and your partner’s anniversary party, or to the surprise birthday party you’re throwing for your boyfriend, or to the housewarming party at your new place. They should support the things you and your partner celebrate together.
They make fun of your romantic evenings
Rather than say, “Aaw. That’s so sweet” when you tell them about a romantic evening you and your partner had, your friends make a fake gagging sound or roll their eyes. Just because romance isn’t their thing doesn’t mean they should criticize you for being into it.
They hint to your partner that you used to be wild
Your friends seem to enjoy making your partner uncomfortable by talking about your ex-boyfriends, or bringing up your wild college days when you slept around and went topless at some frat party. The stories are true but do they have to tell them to your partner? They aren’t dumb: they know it makes him uncomfortable.
They tell you your fights are worse than you think
If you need someone to calm you down and tell you things will be okay after a fight with your boo, your friends are not the people you go to. They usually escalate the situation, make things sound worse than they are and even suggest that maybe you and your partner should break up.
They won’t drop your fights
Even after you’re over a fight you had with your partner, your friends aren’t. You’ve forgiven him, but they haven’t. And when your friends see him, they’ll make passive aggressive comments, referencing the thing he did wrong a month ago. If you’ve let it go then so should they.
They’re mean to his friends
As an indirect way of not being nice to your partner, your friends aren’t nice to his friends. You get a report back from his friends that your friends gave them a lot of attitude and made very little effort to make nice at the party.
They encourage you flirting with other men
Your friends encourage you to flirt with men for free drinks, or even pressure you to flirt with men so you can be their wing woman. They’ve even lied for you and told a guy you were single, all so that he and his friend would keep buying the two of you drinks.