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I have never been the biggest fan of wigs. During my childhood I remember thumbing through the pages of my mom’s mail order catalogs to see bobs and bangs with names like “Princess” and “Sheila” and wondering who those things wore and why. I say “who” the units wore, because back then wigs almost always distracted you away from a woman’s beauty instead of enhancing it. “Sheila” seemed to take on a life of her own sitting on top of someone’s Grandma’s head like a small lap dog or a colorful parrot to a pirate. My mom has always been anti-weave and even to this day she still feels like anyone with some tracks sewn-in or laid-up anywhere near their scalp is just asking for a fungus that her naturally bouncy “Claire Huxtable” brown bob will be in danger of catching if she’s less than 5 feet from you. So back then her Gold Medal purchases were limited to hot combs and hot oil treatments and “Sheila” was left on the shelf.
I’ve never been as anti-weave. At around 12-years-old my mother passed on the onus of personal haircare to me after years of “Just For Me” sessions in our kitchen sink salon or trauma and tears from the “heat” from the hot comb burning me (as she would always say, “Stop flinching! I ain’t hit you with this comb, that’s just the heat!”) Either way my scalp was on fire and I vowed never to put myself nor my future daughters through that kind of torture. At that time also, a lazier, more-experimental side of myself was born. I decided I wanted to routinely rock blue, orange or purple braids, tracks, ponytails, bangs and afros at any given moment without the hassle of dye, scissors or chemicals. As I grew older, I’ve maintained that same approach to my crowning glory, but it wasn’t until recently my childhood opinions on wigs was swayed.
First of all for those of you who are rookies in the realm of all things lace front (or as my favorite blogger Luvvie Ajayi refers to them,“hairhats”), today’s wigs are not your grandma’s wigs. There’s invisible parts, lace frontals, combs, adjustable straps, skin-top parts just to name a few all created by beauty geniuses who are aware folks are limited on time, creativity, energy and income. Hair industry professionals also understand that there are people who have real hair loss problems from both physical and behavioral ailments and all of those folks just want to like what they see in the mirror each day without necessarily spending hours in that mirror trying to get there. For many women, it isn’t always about deceiving people into the idea that purple faux locs are growing out their heads as much as it’s about wanting to express their individuality (even if several others are filling up their carts on RandomBeautySupply.com too) and feeling beautiful.
So after having a baby three years ago and having my time literally shredded between motherhood, career and marriage what I discovered is that I didn’t have time to routinely sit for three hours in a salon to get a wash and curl or time to sit for hours preparing a twist out before bedtime. With that said, wigs have been a go to for me for the past few years and I feel like as long as I’ve a found a beauty routine that works for me and isn’t personally offending anyone, it’s no one else’s business what’s sitting on top of my head or how it’s secured there. Because honestly any woman rocking a wig secretly fears the moment it slips or slides the hell off. To this day when I see women rocking long Nicki Minaj hair to their knee caps, weave or wig, I find myself being a bit nervous for them. What if it gets caught in the train door and hurts not only your head but your pride as well? And before we get “Team Self-Hate” up in the comments, every woman rocking a weave isn’t doing so because she’s bald or bases her beauty on the stock at her local wig supplier. For the final time: Women don’t owe anyone a justification on their fashion and beauty choices.
Which (finally) brings me to this ish right here. The Shaderoom recently posted a viral video of a young man snatching a woman’s wig off at a pool party before jumping into the pool and sending it sailing through the sky like it’s a graduation cap and he just received his Princeton computer engineering degree.
Hell, I have a whole wig crypt in the corner of my bedroom and I’m tempted to laugh, but let’s not ignore the fact that on a very basic level the act is degrading, disrespectful and embarrassing and yet another reminder that American culture has a bad habit of implying that other people, particularly people with XY chromosomes, are the authorities on the beauty standards of women. My husband doesn’t know the damn difference between concealer and foundation, but suddenly all men become experts on fashion and beauty when something isn’t attractive to them. Most Twitter users commented that however funny this may appear, the disrespect was real for obvious reasons: We don’t invade people’s personal space or place hands on their clothing, accessories or enhancements without their consent (Hint from Solange: Don’t touch my hair isn’t just for other races). BET reports Instagram user “dearlybeloved” writes:
“This was not funny this was so disrespectful y’all love screaming y’all love us black women but still do ignorant stuff like this to humiliate us.”
But others judged the woman for her style choices given the event and as evidenced by #securethewig2017 some folks clearly thought this woman should have done everything short of stapling the unit to her hairline to shield herself from embarrassment:
Let’s get a few things clear. Many of us have a bad case of the “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ves” when it comes to other people’s personal appearances that have no actual effect on our well-being and social media has only heightened that affliction. Wigs cost money and there are people who regularly invest hundreds of dollars into them and before you question their priorities, note that it’s completely their prerogative to do so unless they owe you a couple dollars. The same folks who are chuckling it up wouldn’t think to snatch some Air Yeezy’s off another man’s feet and dunk them into the pool for an easy laugh or snatch a Birkin bag from a wealthy socialite’s shoulder and toss it around like a beach ball. Why do black women’s heads and appearances always seem to be fair game? And finally on a serious note there are not just people out here battling cancer and alopecia, anxiety and self-consciousness are real for some as well and unfortunately there are many folks happy to survive another round of chemo AND be able to accept and admire what’s looking back at them in the mirror each day. So it bewilders me that people can be so careless at how their thoughts and actions affect people all for some cheap laughs, a good time and a few mindless double taps.
Instead of securing the wig, it may be time to secure our hands, be respectful of others’ boundaries and reassess what we’re entertained by and why. If I wanted to rock a half cap in a hurricane, it doesn’t justify another person snatching my wig off simply because they want to have a good time.
Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
