Woman to Woman: Have You Learned The Lesson?

October 29, 2011  |  

Life is full of lessons and learning’s. We all make mistakes and bad choices at times; some mistakes are bigger than others but nonetheless the lessons from them are still valuable. Lessons are also essential to our growth and maturity, but many of us are not learning them the way we should because we’re so busy playing victim and blaming somebody else for the wrongdoing.

Taking responsibility for your actions is an understatement. We all claim to be grown folks and all, but when it comes down to owning up to our part in a mistake all of a sudden our fingers get pointed in another direction. Trust me I know how difficult it is to admit when you are wrong- I personally hate it, but to be fair we have to woman up and own our faults when necessary. More so, because that’s where the lesson lives!  Say you messed up big time and fell for the wrong guy that you thought was so right for you.  You wasted time and energy on someone who ultimately turned out not for you. Now your heart is broken, you’re a tad bit bitter and you feel like crap. Instead of blaming him for the entire downfall of the relationship, look with in and see what part you played. Ask yourself those hard questions that you know you know the answers to but just never wanted to admit or acknowledge; such as “Why did I really ignore all those red flags in the beginning of the relationship?” It’s so easy to place the responsibility on somebody else, but please believe when you do this you’re missing your blessing – the lesson.

Even if you weren’t at fault, there is always a lesson in any failing or mistake. You just have to seek it out. The funny thing about lessons is if you don’t learn them you lose them. When this happens it’s likely to repeat the same problematic behavior all over again which in turn causes you more grief. So since some of us need to experience the mistake more than once before we ultimately learn the lesson, I will continue to ask you woman to woman – have you learned your lesson?

Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

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  • candice

    i needed to read this. i got married thinking that maybe i wouldnt feel like i made amistake and now i feel even worse!


    Dating is only half within our control as women. Our family, friends and media mean well but it really takes discernment and heart to stick it out and sort thru the trash.

    More tips on Dating at-

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  • sophiscated1

    This article is so poignant and really hit the nail on the head. I had to learn the lesson many times before I actually got it. After multiple heart breaks and other losses I finally got it. Ladies please see the red flags and believe that when someone shows you who they are you should believe them ( I got that from Oprah)!!

  • JUSTME33

    That is so true, something happen with me and my ex that really made see how he was.. it took me 8months to final let it go and now i'm free from the freeloader and it feels great.. i made alot of adjustments and with the right people in my life that's what made me realize that i matured and no longer need to look back.. it was a lesson, a hard awful lesson, but a lesson…The resentment was myself for having the balls to screw up something that was beautiful with one man, and 4yrs later i realized i messed up, so JAB this for u ( I'M SO SORRY) IF I CAN TAKE IT BACK I WOULD…LOVE U ALWAYS THANK U FOR BEING THERE.. JUST33

  • Dude Lebowski

    Yeah like black chicks will own up to being hoodrats, welfare champs, ratchet jokes, and baby mamas. If you believe that, then I'm the guy who hacked the PlayStation Network.

    Black women: Where FAIL happens…

    • MsknowItall

      we love you too….oh honey u seriously need to get laid! release all that tension from hating sistas all day long…not good for the soul …work on yourself.

    • Reese

      I will own up to being educated, owning my own home, having a good career and making more money than most Americans. Maybe you should expand your circle of friends. My guess is the reason why that is all you know is because you are ghetto and trifling. You are probably black male counterpart.

  • FabulouslySingleDiva

    Really needed to read this today. Thank you!

    • FabulouslySingleDiva

      Oh and yes, I've learned "The Lesson"

  • Reese

    You need to learn from these life lessons because they will repeat if you don't learn from. If you find yourself in same issues over and over again you might not of learned the lesson.

  • Pingback: Woman To Woman: Have You Learned The Lesson | 21 Kisses()

  • Gypsy

    I’ve been saying & practicing this for years & all everyones ever says to me is that I’m a cold, way to honest woman who’s way to logical for her own good. Lols

  • ti….

    Looking for black women to own up to ANYTHING,is like asking for a Republican to agree w/anything Obama does! ain't gonna happen!

    • L-Boogie

      Well, I am glad you are here to make us see the error of our ways!

  • L-Boogie


  • louie


  • I have learned many life lessons (most of the the hard way). One of the most important lessons I have learned is to look for the lesson. I ask of every challenge: what is the lesson for me, how can I do better or different in the future? I don't mind having to struggle in my life but I don't like making the same mistake over and over. __I am willing to take full responcibilty for my mistakes, I avoid blaming other people when there are challenges, and I try to stay open for the lesson. The biggest challenges in my life have taught me the biggest lessons and sometimes the biggest blessings.__-Cassaundra Bourne

  • SoTrue

    Great words of wisdom in 3 simple paragraphs (as opposed to MN's uneccesary page after page after page links)

  • Korey

    "All men want is sex… and if you don't put out, they'll leave. If you put too soon, they won't take you seriously."