How Women Are More Lenient On The Male Body Then Men Are On Women
In this safe space, can we all admit that women are way more lenient on the male figure than men are on the female one? Look around. You’ll probably find plenty of women with banging bodies dating men with dad bodies. In fact, you can find plenty of women who keep it tight dating men who keep it…well…at a weight that must alarm their doctors. And I don’t want to hear the old excuse that it’s a man’s caveman instinct to be attracted to women with “fertile” bodies. If they want to play the caveman’s instinct card, then how do they explain that many of them clearly don’t have the caveman’s instinct to hunt, climb trees and get into shape themselves? And are women just more evolved, to the point where we use our minds to choose partners instead of some primitive desire for bulging muscles? Let’s face it: these are ways women cut men slack on their bodies far more than men cut women.
Do you want to know why there are women with gorgeous bodies wearing one-piece bathing suits and tankinis at the beach, while every man—regardless of size or shape—is out there in his trunks, no t-shirt? Because women receive far more pressure to have zero belly fat. If we don’t have mannequin-esque definition in our stomach, we feel like we need to cover it up. Meanwhile, men with stomachs that enter a room before they do don’t seem to worry what women think of their tummies. And they shouldn’t! Because we don’t judge as much.
Resting B*tch face
Newsflash: most people look a little bitchy when they’re just thinking. Including men. But there is no such thing as “resting as*hole” face apparently. No. Men who look mean when they’re thinking are considered stoic.
Long, slender legs. That’s what men want. How would men like it if women would only date men who had muscular, toned legs? What would become of all of the men out there, with skinny little stems, who always skip leg day? Nothing because their legs aren’t sexualized. Lucky things. While our legs are sexual objects, a man’s legs are tools that help him walk around and jump towards a basketball hoop.
Hair on our legs, arms, and you know where
If only we could have one backward day on this planet where men felt just as much pressure to have perfectly smooth, hairless skin on every part of their body. Yes, that includes their junk and their anus. If we told men the only way women would stay hairless is if they did, they would rapidly take a new stance on the matter. If men had to get waxed downstairs, just once, they’d cry for days.
If a man forgets to shower for a day he is quirky, funny, alternative and lovingly aloof. If a woman forgets to shower for a day she is gross and grungy. Oh, and if we don’t smell like some unicorn flower fairy, we’re not doing our job. But men can smell like the gym and a deli and it’s “masculine.”
Freakiness in bed
For some reason, when a woman isn’t game to try some weird stuff in bed, she’s prude. Hey fellas, guess what? We don’t talk about you like that. If you don’t want us to start bringing in swing sets and a third person, we don’t call you prude. We call you average.
How many rap songs tout the perfect waist to hip to bust ratio? Don’t look it up. Don’t answer me. The answer will just be depressing. Meanwhile, women do not have some ideal body ratio for men. We couldn’t even guess what a nice inch-measurement is for a man’s hips if we tried.
In the female world, there is a lot of talk of size double zero’s, size two’s and size twelve’s. Do men even have such specific, degrading sizes? Is it just me, or do men only worry about size small, medium or large? Furthermore, while women aim to be a small, men are embarrassed if they’re a size small. Isn’t that something.
Men are distinguished if they have wrinkles; women are past their prime. A man with crow’s feet is a man with stories while a woman with crow’s feet is a woman who forgot to apply anti-aging night cream.
“Perky.” Have you ever heard that word used to describe a man’s body? (Let alone his disposition). Not likely. That’s because women seem to understand a concept men don’t—gravity. Sorry, our boobs don’t naturally reach for the sky and our butt cheeks don’t jut out like shelves. But real talk, you still want to sleep with us so stop judging us for those things as if you don’t.
When a woman is passed a certain age and hasn’t had children, she gets a lot of grief. People assume she is barren, or just strange. People cannot handle the idea that a woman would not use her body to make a person. Does she want to use it, instead, to travel the world? Nope. Sorry. It’s best use is reproduction, apparently. People don’t start seeing a man’s body as sad if it hasn’t spawned any seeds.
Ability to handle liquor
Men who vomit when they’re drunk are funny; women who vomit when they’re drunk are a mess. Men who can handle a lot of alcohol are a party; women who can handle a lot of alcohol “aren’t feminine.”
Girly girl or a tomboy
Men often are quick to describe a woman as girly or more of a tomboy. Their brains cannot grasp this in between area where we are a million other things. Would men like it if we started describing them as jocks or nerds? Real men or dandies?
What we eat
It’s normal for a man to eat a double bacon burger every day, and he’s praised if he has some salmon once a week. Meanwhile, it’s expected that women will always choose the salmon, and if we go for the burger, guys love to ask things like, “Is this your cheat day?” or “So you eat like a man?”
How our look attracts the opposite sex
Ladies: how many times in your life has a man commented on the way you dress, wear your hair, and do your makeup does—or doesn’t—attract men? Men just feel like they can openly comment on this, as if we were waiting for their feedback. They assume we make all of our aesthetic decisions based on a desire to attract or repel men. Women don’t look at men and think their look has anything to do with a desire to attract or repel women. We assume that’s just the way they like to dress.