Realities Of Dating Someone Far Fitter Than You
So you snagged yourself an off-the-charts hottie. You’re cute. You’re secure in yourself. But you’re not oblivious to the fact that your boo could and should be on the cover of GQ magazine, or at least the cover of one of those sexy fireman calendars. He’s hot in that, “Should you even exist outside of the television?” kind of way. Good for you. Why not enjoy looking at your significant other? And while, like we said, you know you have it going on in your own right, there are just some funny realities of dating someone who you’re certain Ford models will pluck up any day now, while you’re more in the American Apparel category of models (you know, stunning but raw and real). You have a perfectly healthy BMI, but your boo has muscles you didn’t know could exist. Here are the funny realities of dating someone much fitter than you.
Your friends think they can comment
Your friends think it’s perfectly fine to say things like, “Your boyfriend is so hot. Do you ever wake up and think how did I land this? You should get him into modeling. I’d like to wash my shirt on his abs” Because your partner is obviously attractive, your friends lose all sense of decorum.
You’re told to make babies. Immediately.
When people see your partner, they whisper to you, “Make babies with that man immediately.” Uh. Hello! You would be a part of that equation too and you would bring some pretty amazing qualities to that baby. But nobody urged you to have children until you found this man.
People ask if he has a brother
People often ask if he has a brother or a cousin they can date—or if his friends are as hot as he is, and if so, if you can introduce them. Some people even tell you to let them know when you’re done with him. Grr!
People ask what your secret was
People often ask you what your secret is. They pull you aside, and whisper in conspiratorial tones as if you’re going to admit that you’re really good at some rare sex act or convinced this guy you’re related to royalty.
People say it’s because of your personality
People often say things like, “I’m not surprised you snagged him—you have a great personality!” To which you think, gee, thank you so much for stating there’s no possible way he’s into me for my looks.
You can’t help but be jealous sometimes
Even though you’re not a jealous person, you can’t help but suffer small bouts of paranoia sometimes. When you date someone extremely attractive, you just know the odds are women fling themselves at him so he always has plenty of options. Even the most secure of women can feel a little insecure in the face of that.
People ask if you get jealous
Your friends often ask you if you worry that other women hit on him. Yes, you do. Thanks so much for asking. You were just enjoying yourself and not even thinking about that.
You’re curious about the exes
You can’t help but wonder if he has a pattern of dating women who aren’t quite as toned or attractive as he is. You’ve tried to ask him questions about his exes in which you were clearly trying to determine their appearance. You ask questions like, “Was she really into the outdoors? What was her ethnicity? Was she a foodie?”
You must never point it out
You know that you cannot make jokes about what a stunner you snagged. To you, these comments are just funny, but you know they make your partner feel like he has to console you, and that’s not what you want.
You get a little more on your game
You can’t help but feel encouraged to work out a little more, update your wardrobe, and spend an extra ten minutes on your makeup before going out with him. You fluctuate between doing that, then getting mad at yourself for caring and overcorrecting by going out in your sweat pants.
He gets free stuff. In front of you.
The restaurant host gives you two the best table, even though it was reserved for somebody else. Women send him cocktails from across the bar. The gay chef sends complimentary appetizers, with a wink from the kitchen. Hey, you don’t mind—you get to enjoy these perks too.
Sometimes he’s insecure
Sometimes your partner becomes insecure, wondering if you’re only with him for his looks. He might go out of his way to have deep, intellectual conversations at times when you’re just not in the mood. You often have to assure him that you’re with him for every part of him.
He gets cat called
Bachelorette parties, drunk girls in taxis and older women out for a good time often cat call your partner. Well, at least that’s one man who knows how women feel when it happens to them.
You get that look
You often see people look at the two of you, do a double take to make sure they properly saw the looks discrepancy, and then look a third time just to try and understand what they’re looking at.
People talk about him in front of you
If you’re at a party and people don’t know your boyfriend is your boyfriend, they may say things like, “Did you see that guy over there? He’s coming home with me tonight if I have anything to do with it.” They feel pretty awkward when that guy comes over and gives you a kiss.