She Girl Women Haters Club: 11 Ways Women Perpetuate Patriarchy
Our conditioning has been conditioned, y’all. Patriarchy, misogyny and anti-women sentiments are prevalent in our world today and the world of the past that it would be unrealistic to believe it hasn’t seeped into the minds of those it was meant to suppress: women. If we’re not careful, we’ll find ourselves repeating the very notions that have been used to keep us down.
Shaming Women for Sexual Agency
From the minute women’s bodies start developing, you better believe there’s a woman telling her about the new responsibility that’s fallen on this child’s shoulders. She has to dress a certain way now, can’t get too close to certain people now. If she violates any of these rules, she will, at best be labeled “fast” and at worst become the victim of some type of assault. While I certainly received some of these messages and understand that the women in my life were trying to protect me, a child should not feel responsible for deflecting the inappropriate attention from grown men who should have been taught better.
Describing Negative Qualities as Feminine
I remember I was telling one man how another, in the heat of the argument, hung up the phone in my face. It was a foul thing to do, yes. Instantly, the man I was telling the story to, sympathized with me but took it too far in mentioning that such an action was something a woman would do. What’s even sadder is that, at the time, I completely agreed with him.
Claiming Women are Too Emotional to Be Leaders
We saw quite a bit of this during Hillary’s attempt at the presidency. There were women who spoke to news media about her inability to run the country. And because of those misogynistic and patriarchial thoughts, the nation is going to sh*t. Thanks for that ladies…particularly White women.
Saying You Can’t be Friends with Women
I’ve written before about how I can’t trust women like this. Far too often negative traits are assigned to women and instead of us refusing to adopt these notions, we perpetuate them more than men, saying ridiculous things like “I’m just like a dude” to disassociate yourself from your own kind and provide value or worth in the eyes of men who hold similar anti-women views.
Believing Two Grown Women Can’t Exist Peacefully in the Same House
I know my mother used to say this to me whenever I made a smart comment, mostly around puberty, and then perhaps again as it was time for me to leave for college. The notion made sense to me when she said it but now…not so much. Why doesn’t anyone say that about two grown men? Why don’t we acknowledge that family members, regardless of gender are going to get on each other’s nerves…a lot. And let’s not pretend that mothers and sons don’t have their own battles as they transition from boy to man or that married couples won’t argue the house down on occasion. It’s just a part of it.
Saying You Don’t Want to See a Man Cry
I’ve been sooo guilty of this one. If I don’t find something worthy of my tears– And I cry A LOT–, I don’t want to see a man cry about it. When you think about it, this belief, perpetuated by both men and women, contributes to so many men not knowing what the hell to do with their emotions. When the only emotion you feel comfortable and free to openly exhibit is anger, there’s likely going to be a huge problem.
Claiming a Woman Needs to Have Sex (with a man) to Adjust Her Attitude
I HATE when I hear people say this. D*ck is not a cure all. Yes, it can mellow you out. But so can a lot of other things that won’t cause your mood and disposition to be dependent on another human being. Furthermore, if that penis is attached to the wrong person, it can just end up causing more severe problems down the road.
Believing having a Man will Make you Happy
I’ve written about this too. If we really thought about this, we’d admit that men sure as hell don’t hold the keys to happiness. If your happiness depends on the presence of another person, man, woman, or child, there’s a good chance you won’t be able to sustain it once that person leaves or disappoints you. True happiness is something you build yourself.
Calling Arbitrary Activities Gay
I don’t feel sorry for men all that often. Because they live with way too much privilege. But hearing women describe certain behaviors or even attire (see Romphim) as gay or non-masculine makes me sad. One, because the confines in which men have to live are so narrow. Limiting human expression in that way and making statements about someone’s sexuality with behaviors that have nothing to do with sex is a trick of the machisimo.
Saying you Want to have a Boy because Girls are “too hard.”
Are girls really too hard? Or is this just something you’ve heard and just continue to repeat? I’m not here to bash either sex, but seriously with the way boys mature and the trouble they find themselves in, you might run into some challenges with a son as well. Let’s just admit that raising any child is no walk in the park.
Will let a man disrespect you for years but will cut your best friend off in a heartbeat.
Y’all we all know women or have been women who let some dude curse us out, cheat on us, challenge our voice and authority, not be supportive of our dreams and goals but cut your good girlfriend out of your life completely for something trivial. Fact is, we don’t even hold men accountable. As forgiving as we can be, we can also be unncessarily ruthless to the people who are really there to ride for us.