A Man Tried To Woo Me With Murder
I walked into Chick-fil-A for the first time. There, I also met my first murderer.
He’ exemplified exactly what us East Coast girls mean when we reference the typical NYC bummy Black brotha: He’s always an “up and coming” rap artist, stands on the busiest sidewalks peddling his “tracks,” his Internet exploration doesn’t surpass WorldStarHipHop, and he wolf whistles at anything that breathes. Oh, and bad teeth – let’s not forget bad teeth. There’s always that moment when they flash a decayed molar and you wonder, “Holy sh**, did I just see a black tooth?”
Yes – yes you did. Sprucing up their SoundCloud is more important than their dental hygiene, of course.
The man who approached me at Chick-fil-A ticked all those boxes. Any woman who has had the unfortunate circumstance of encountering this type of guy already knows the drill: He’ll charm you with a compliment, introduce himself as some laughable stage name, brag about his rap “career,” talk about how much he hustles, spew out some philosophical gangster bullsh**, and close with a “so when can I see you again?” hoping that at least some part of his babbling was enough to woo you onto his schlong.
You’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all.
But there was one thing – er – particularly different about this exchange. While all the others seemed to milk the hell out of their rap “career” ambitions no one cares about, this guy had another trick up his sleeve: gloating about going to jail for murder.
After boring the hell out of me in showing me his amateur rap music videos, I asked him, “So what’s your real name?”
When he said it, I asked, “That’s your name for real?” That’s when he pulled out his driver’s license to prove it, and then said something that blew my mind: “You know, my name’s in the newspaper, too. I served some time for murder,” he said with a slight glimmer of pride.
Though I didn’t utter a word, my face clearly said, “Pfft, get the hell out of here. You ain’t did no time for no damn murder.” I crossed my arms defiantly.
Exiting out of his YouTube channel on his phone, he pulls up a 2002 New York Post article that delved into a story about a 17-year-old boy who chased down a robber who stole $900 from a bodega and stabbed him to death – he was deemed the “not-so-good Samaritan.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve killed someone before, sweetie. And I went to jail for it, too,” he boasted again.
I didn’t know how to react, so I sat there speechless. Truthfully, I was more weirded out that he felt comfortable telling me – someone that he just met – that he was locked up on murder charges than the fact that he took someone’s life.
Being that I psychoanalyze everything, I mulled over what the hell would galvanize someone to admit they’ve killed someone before upon first introduction? There must be a method to his madness, right? I may have found his murderous past to be dreadfully repelling, but it very well could be another woman’s romantic fantasy. “Tall, dark and handsome” is on my list, while “dangerous, maniacal killer” could be on another’s.
But does that actually work? The ‘I’m a murderer’ thing? I wondered to myself. He answered my question when he boasted that, at 33, he felt fulfilled in having a body count of over 300 women.
A murderer and you have community d***? Oh yeah, now that’s alluring.
While that ain’t my steez (shoot, if he could kill that one guy, he can kill me too), I thought about the many women who secretly did find his murderous past to be – er – “sexy.” Maybe because it mirrors the film-favorite, dreamy superhero fantasy, à la Thor or Wolverine, of being with a man who would kill for you?
Or perhaps it’s just pure breast-beating, chest-puffing, brutish aggression – a barbaric display of raw masculinity – that gets ‘em going.
I don’t know, but attraction to murderers is more common than you might think. There’s even a word for it – hybristophilia. That being said, I can’t help but ask: Are you a hybristophiliac? How would you react if a man told you he murdered someone right off the bat?
Kimberly Gedeon, founder of The Melody of Melanin, is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You can say hello to her on Instagram or Twitter – she doesn’t bite!