A few weeks ago, fashion designer Kimora Lee Simmons posted a birthday shout-out to her ex husband Djimon Hounsou on Instagram. “A very happy birthday to @djimon_hounsou!!” she said. “We love you so much and wish you so much happiness! Cheers to many more! #AgeLikeFineWine 4/24”
While many of Simmons’s followers were sending birthday messages to Hounsou or commenting on how great the 53-year-old actor still looks, one comment stood out.
“Dude, Hi Kimora I know you don’t know me but I have a baby daddy and a man……How the hell do you get away with post like this?!? #ambitions”
That comment received quite a few “likes” so I assume a few people shared similar thoughts, as Simmons is married, but publicly celebrated her ex and the father of her son Kenzo.
Simmons’s social media post didn’t bother me as I instantly assumed that she, as well as her husband, must have a great relationship with Hounsou. After all, Simmons does have a son with him and her philosophy on a blended family is atypical. If you’ll recall, first husband Russell Simmons is the godfather of her youngest son, Wolfe, with husband Tim Leissner, and they go on family trips together.
With that being said, she gets a pass.
If you’re married, chances are that your spouse had several relationships before you. You might even know a few of the ex’s names (particularly the ones that they were in serious relationships with), so their past shouldn’t be a total secret. But is it disrespectful to discuss your ex in any way in a public forum if you’re married or in a serious relationship?
In a recent interview with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live, Jenna Dewan Tatum, wife of actor Channing, stated that she and Justin Timberlake, married to actress Jessica Biel, dated briefly years ago. Facts are indeed facts, but while she was answering the questions about her ex (because you know Cohen kept probing), her mannerisms reminded me of a school-aged girl discussing her crush. That coupled with her comment (more like confirmation) that she thinks he’s sexy, made her overall response somewhat inappropriate.
I had a similar experience years ago, except I was the one doing the probing. I was at a friend’s birthday party when I met a woman who attended the same college as my ex-boyfriend. During our conversation, she mentioned (very casually and without intention) that she dated someone while in school and that he was in a fraternity. My radar went off as the guy just so happened to be in the same fraternity as my ex, so of course I had to ask (assuming that I would know the guy), “Who was your ex?” I obviously wanted all of the tea, but her response promptly shut that down: “Oh girl, I’m married now so there’s no need to talk about that.” And with that, she quickly steered the conversation in a different direction.
I somewhat felt bad for even asking since I knew she was married (I was introduced to her husband earlier in the night), to this day, I respect her reverence for her marriage and her husband.
But I do think there are appropriate times to mention your ex. When it’s Mother’s or Father’s day and you want to give a shout-out to your co-parent (i.e., Diddy’s individual post to his exes despite being in a long-term relationship with singer Cassie). I also believe that the past can just be the past. Making mention of it doesn’t have to be a big no-no, as long as the way you bring a former flame up sticks to remembering and not fondly reminiscing.
Bringing up your exes while being married or in a serious relationship doesn’t mean that you want that old thing back. While some may think bringing up a past love is flat-out disrespectful, only you know your intentions. But respecting your marriage or your partner should always take priority. So if you’re not sure about whether or not it would be a slight to your current relationship, the answer is simple: just don’t do it.
Image via Bigstock
