Why The Term “Friend Zone” Needs To Go

May 19, 2017  |  
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Ah, the Friend Zone. You’ve probably heard this term since you were in middle school, or whatever age you took an interest in sex and romance. For those of you who don’t know, the term became popular after the character Joey Tribbiani told Ross Geller on “Friends” that he was in the Friend Zone with Rachel Green. While “Friends” is a tremendous show and an iconic symbol of the late 90s and early 2000s, we could have done without this term becoming so widely used. Millions of women are probably enjoying friendships with men right now, blissfully unaware that, behind their backs, those men are off complaining to their buddies that they are in the Friend Zone. Is it such a bad place to be? Apparently. Here is why the term Friend Zone needs to go.

It takes responsibility away

I got news for you; if you’re in the Friend Zone, you put yourself there. You could be in the zone where you, oh, I don’t know, confess your feelings to the person. But then you’d be in a zone where maybe she rejected you. You don’t want to be in that zone, so you pretend that you’re being kept—against your will—in the Friend Zone.






It implies some torture

When men say they’re in the Friend Zone, they make the women who allegedly “put them there” sound like bitches. Hey guys: your female friends believe you enjoy being their friends. Why? Because you SAY YOU DO. They have no idea you’re not enjoying this relationship.




It makes friendship a holding zone

It implies that a friendship is just a steppingstone to a sexual relationship, and not a complete relationship, in and of itself. It means that men only endure friendship in the hopes of getting sex out of it.









It belittles the friendship

The Friend Zone implies that the guy is only getting a small piece of the larger pie. Rather than thinking of what a nice friendship a man has with a woman, he just thinks about all the sex he isn’t having with her.




It’s sexist

Mostly men use this term and we all know it. Why? Because if a man and a woman have a sexless relationship, god forbid men just let that be called a friendship. They need to put a big, flashing label on it that screams, “I don’t get to have sex with this woman! Can you believe that!”






There are no other zones

If there were other zones, fine. Maybe the Friend Zone would be acceptable. But there are two and only two zones: the Friend Zone, and the Sex Zone. And that fact is what makes all the other points on this list true.







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Only cowards use it

You don’t see confident, gutsy men out there talking about the Friend Zone. And you know why that is? Confident, gutsy men make their intentions and desires known with everyone in their lives—from friends to colleagues to roommates. They don’t sit around and let someone else define their relationship. If they like a woman, they tell her, and they prepare themselves for the consequences.





It’s a cop out

Guys who use the term Friend Zone can’t admit that the woman just doesn’t like them. She doesn’t walk around with the men in her Friend Zone in her head, ready to pluck one out for sex at a moment’s notice. She isn’t romantically interested in those men, and wouldn’t be under any circumstances. No mystical sports rules are standing in her way of dating them.






It’s dishonest

Hey men: you know that woman who you’re saying Friend Zoned you thinks you genuinely want to be friends, right? She is out there believing you are a true friend who is totally open and honest with her and has no hidden agenda. What a shame that that isn’t true, and you don’t have the guts to tell her.







It sounds like one thing could change everything

While in sports, one correct play or move could get you out of a zone, that isn’t the case in relationships. You aren’t in the Friend Zone because you haven’t figured out one tiny thing to do differently. You are in there because that woman overwhelmingly sees you as a friend and not at all as anything else. One little action wouldn’t change that.





Dating isn’t a sport

It’s generally insulting to talk about dating and relationships using sports terminology. Sex and women are not something to be won or competed for. They aren’t trophies.








It implies the guy is acting

If you say you’re in the Friend Zone, then that implies if you wanted to date a woman and made it know, you would behave in an entirely different way. If that is true, then you’re either not being your real self now, or you’re not your real self when you date someone. Either way, you need to get right with yourself on the inside.






tell about a man

It excludes friendship from romance

Couples are friends too, ya know? Friendship isn’t only for non-sexual relationships. If the woman you’re into has a boyfriend, this may come as a shock but, she also considers that man her friend.




It implies sex is a reward/ending

The Friend Zone implies that any sort of relationship between a man and a woman is incomplete until there is sex.








woman upset, staring, angry

It’s entitled

Has a man ever been excited to be in the Friend Zone? No. When they say it, they’re whining, complaining and generally being big babies. Why? Because men who use this term believe, on some level, that if they’re a nice guy, they deserve to have sex with any woman they’re interested in. And if they don’t get to have sex with her, that’s the equivalent of being put on time out. Like a big baby.

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