How Healthy Vs Unhealthy Couples Handles These Issues

May 15, 2017  |  
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The couples who last don’t do so because they never fight. All couples fight! But the ones who get past it, and manage to still laugh, love each other, cuddle and have sex as if those fights never happened do so because they handle their fights in the right way. When handled incorrectly, a quarrel can just set the tone for your relationship moving forward. Unhealthy fighting tactics make you and your partner a little more distant and a little less in love after each dispute. Just because a fight is over doesn’t mean it isn’t still in your systems, affecting the way you treat and feel about one another. And if it’s still in your systems, you can’t be happy. Here is how healthy versus unhealthy couples deal with these common relationship issues.

A sex deficit; the healthy way

All couples can become busy and just forget to make time for sex. Healthy couples focus on making each other feel desired and attractive when this happens. They come up with ways to have sex—even if that means popping into their partner’s office on a lunch break. If they have to, they schedule sex! It’s in the shared Google calendar.




The unhealthy way

Unhealthy couples tend to take a sex deficit personally. Rather than bring it up to their partner, they start in on passive aggressive tactics like rejecting their partner’s advances if and when they do want to have sex. Or even accusing the other person of not finding them attractive anymore.



Feeling under-prioritized; the healthy way

Usually, if your partner isn’t prioritizing you enough—maybe his work or family is taking up a lot of his time—he doesn’t even realize it. Healthy couples just bring it up. They feel safe saying, “I miss you! I don’t feel like I get enough time with you lately. Can we do something about that?” And they put a date night, for just the two of them, on the books.




No Love On Tinder

The unhealthy way

Unhealthy couples tend to keep score and think about winning and losing. In an unhealthy relationship, if someone feels her partner isn’t making enough time for her, she will just do it right back at him. In other words, she’ll cancel plans on him, or make herself so busy that she can’t see her partner. This obviously doesn’t get anybody anywhere.




End A Casual Dating Relationship

Failure to listen; they healthy way

Your partner doesn’t mean to tune you out; he probably just has a lot on his mind. Healthy couples don’t take it personally. They’ll even say, “I can tell now isn’t a good time. But I do want to talk to you about this. Can you let me know when you’re ready to listen?”





The unhealthy way

The unhealthy couple feels insecure when they aren’t listened to. So they’ll stop sharing things with their partner entirely. And, when their partner talks, they, too, won’t listen.








Whose friends you see more; the healthy way

It’s pretty common that couples end up spending more time with one person’s friends than the other. In a healthy relationship, if a person feels that they don’t see their friends enough, they’ll just tell their partner how important it is that he gets to know their friends. And they will make a plan that is easy for their partner to get on board with, that lets them see their friends.



The unhealthy way

Unhealthy couples will just stop hanging out with one another’s friends. If a woman feels her partner doesn’t invest enough in her friends then she just stops investing in his. She stops inviting her partner along to hang out with her friends, too. Before they know it, the couple is just living separate lives.





The romance is dying; the healthy way

After you’ve been together for a while, you may start eating your own separate frozen dinners and feeling like roommates rather than lovers. In a healthy relationship, if somebody wants more romance, they just create it. They’ll plan a romantic night to remind their partner how nice that feels, and how important that is for their bond.





The unhealthy way

Unhealthy couples will just feel insecure and pull away even more, acting increasingly like roommates. If the woman in the unhealthy pair feels the romance has died, rather than try to spark it, she will intentionally eat dinner before her partner gets home rather than wait 20 minutes for him, just to make a point. (He usually doesn’t get the point).




Cleanliness; the healthy way

Cleanliness should be one of the easiest issues to address as a couple. It’s not like you’re criticizing someone’s personality; just the way they put away dishes! Healthy couples find a way to lovingly, with humor, bring up their partner’s cleanliness issues.





woman upset, staring, angry

The unhealthy way

Unhealthy couples will become very passive aggressive. They’ll think their partner’s lack of cleanliness is a personal insult. They won’t say anything about it; they’ll just become increasingly irritated and cold towards their partner until they explode.






"Couple having coffee pf"

Jealousy; the healthy way

Presuming there is no reason to be jealous (i.e. nobody is actually cheating, emotionally or otherwise) healthy couples bring it up, but don’t point blame. If a woman feels jealous about her partner’s female coworker who clearly flirts with him, but he just can’t see it, she’ll just say, “I know you don’t even see it because you’re adorably clueless, but your coworker has a crush on you. Could you just, like, not have solo drinks with her?”

The unhealthy way

Unhealthy couples are masters at internalizing. If someone in an unhealthy relationship feels jealous, rather than bring it up, they start to look for signs their partner is cheating or doing something wrong. They project their jealousy onto their partner (even if he’s doing nothing wrong). They’ll even find ways to make him jealous.




Finances; the healthy way

Sometimes you see your partner mishandling money, in a way that will make your shared financial goals as a couple hard to reach. In a healthy relationship, if someone sees this happening, they remind their partner of their monetary goals (have a house one day, send a child to college…)

The unhealthy way

In an unhealthy relationship, the person good with money thinks the person who isn’t good with money just doesn’t care much about the relationship. So to get back at them, they, too, will start mishandling money.

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