Why You Can’t Be Alone

May 9, 2017  |  
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Bigstockphoto.com/Portrait of fashionable young African American female dressed in denim shirt having serious and thoughtful look thinking about something important sitting at cafe with head reclined upon her hand

If you’ve never really been alone–and I mean really truly alone with not even a guy you’re flirting with over text or a crush you’re pursuing–you probably tell everyone that you’ve just been lucky enough to meet plenty of great men. But the truth is that MOST people are not compatible. Just based on the statistics, you couldn’t possibly have been compatible with enough men to have a boo every few months or even every year for a decade. Your brain is filling in some gaps and telling you you’re compatible with those men so you can justify not being alone. Now the question is, why does your brain desperately need to fill in those gaps? Here are reasons you can’t be alone.

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You don’t have close friendships

You haven’t cultivated close friendships, particularly female friendships. Female friends can make great significant others while you patiently look for the right romantic partner. They will genuinely invest in your life and care about you. But if you haven’t nurtured those friendships, you could look for them in relationships.

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You don’t know you’re desirable

Deep down, you don’t know that you’re desirable. The only way you can feel certain about that is if somebody is with you.
 

 

 

 

 

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Ugly duckling syndrome

When you were younger, you weren’t one of the “pretty girls” in high school and didn’t get much male attention. You may have even been teased so now you’re still looking to prove those teasers wrong. You constantly date the grownup version of the men who used to reject you.
 

 

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Your career scares you

You don’t know what you want to do, or you do and you’re afraid to take the steps you have to make to get there. So you distract yourself with relationships.
 

 

 

 

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You have no hobbies of your own

So you just take on your boyfriend’s hobbies and interests. You’re a relationship chameleon. You’re too shy or nervous to go try new things on your own, so you just immerse yourself in your partner’s life.
 

 

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You like guidance

Maybe you had an overpowering figure in your life who used tell you what to do. This left you feeling like you couldn’t make decisions for yourself so you look for a partner to make them for you.
 

 

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You like to guide others

This is usually related to self-esteem issues. You date men who need your guidance. You tell them what to wear and what to do for a living and who to hang out with. You may need someone else to value your opinion to know your opinion matters.
 

 

 

You need to feel needed

Having others need you to constantly fix their problems gives you an excuse not to solve your own. So you date men whose lives are total messes.
 

 

 

 

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You aren’t close with your family

Your relationship with your family isn’t all it could be. You make up those bonds you should’ve had growing up through romantic relationships. You’re missing the foundation of unconditional love.

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You’re running from yourself

You have some trauma that has affected your psyche. You know deep down that you need to seek counseling, but that prospect scares you. So you keep forcing relationships to work to tell yourself you’re okay.
 

 

 

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You have no real problems

Your life is boring: it has no real issues. But you only feel interesting if you have drama in your life, so you get into dramatic relationships.
 

 

 

 

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You grew up in turmoil

You grew up in a home full of turmoil. People were always fighting and yelling. Turmoil actually feels calm to you (or something like that) so you pursue toxic relationships.
 

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You’re a hermit

You struggle with social anxiety but having a boyfriend all of the time gives you an excuse to say no to invitations–you’re staying in with your man.

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You’re angry at men

You’ve experienced something in life that has left you angry at men. So you date men you know will disappoint you so you can release your anger on them.
 

 

 

 

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You learn through people

You have a particular condition that drives you to feel like the only way you connect to something is through sex. So if you’re curious about a lifestyle or industry or religion, you date someone related to it.

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