Black Men Who Refuse to Date Black Women: TODAY on “Life Changers”

October 27th, 2011 - By Brande Victorian

UDPATE: This show will be broadcasting on Friday, Oct. 28 at 3:00 and 3:30 pm.

Dr. Drew’s set is going to explode tomorrow. On his talk show “Life Changers,” an audience of all black men and women will be crammed into one tiny studio to discuss not just interracial dating, but black men who refuse to date inside their race. Yes. The beating up of the single black woman in the national media continues.

The short preview of Part 1 of the episode below doesn’t show much, but a few typical comments in the interracial dating debate can be heard. For example:

A black female guest tells the men “we’re feeling rejected,” and “we’re tired of it.” A black male guest gets in her face and says, “I don’t like your attitude.” Yes, we have tread these tired waters before. Most of us are over this.

But I feel sorry for this particular woman actually, because she still cares. I remember when I used to feel rejected when I’d hear a black man make a comment to the tune of “that’s why I’m going to get a white girl,” or “that’s why I stopped dating black girls.” The idea that a white woman has something better to offer over a black woman just didn’t sit well with me at all until I finally realized:

That’s his problem, not mine.

Am I really missing out on a guy who puts his fingers in my face or who has to be held back by a panel member (who by the way is the only black male matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson), in front of a live studio audience? Is a man who says he prefers white women over black women because they are more subservient really for me? Do I really want to procreate with a man who is more concerned with the texture of his future children’s hair than the mental and spiritual qualities his partner possesses? If a black man can so easily write us all off for the transgressions of black women from his past before getting to know us as individuals, isn’t he the one in need of help?

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  • LilDove

    Right and everyone’s dream is to live in the “hood”.

  • http://twitter.com/rewith85man Ernest DeBrew III

    I wonder if those black guys really find white women or others outside their race that easily. 

    Sometimes, it can be difficult because of cultural difference. 

    To me, I look at the heart and personality. I do not want to get caught up with race and appearance. 

    That is what really matters.

  • whylie2010

    I think men like this have mommy issues at the root (as far as men who totally rule out women of the same race – Black, White or otherwise). They have to have issues with their mothers to say and behave like they hate women of their own race. Just my two cents…

    PS – I have also encountered White men who have the same hateful attitude towards White women. Again, mommy issues…

  • http://www.facebook.com/schlonte.mcgee Schlonte' McGee

    I almost jumped ship so I can relate some black women are a special breed so a lot of the anger and pain we deal with as black people just leaks into our relationships and personally my dealings with other races is that it is easier because these issues aren't compounded but respected, so I believe that's why a lot of black men will choose to be with a woman of another race. But black women are always going to suffer more in the relationship game just due to sheer numbers they out number black men and that's what puzzles me why not expand your chances for a successful relationship by dating other races because happiness has no color.

  • SayCheese

    I really hate men like the ones on the show. I just hope their White, Asian or Hispanic wife or girlfriend is still allowed to see her family and have a relationship with her Dad or Mother. Or if their kids are treated the same as the other grandchildren that are full Black or White. No one like's to talk about the racism coming from the family.

    Not all IR relationships are the same way. But I notice if the woman White she always gets the bad end of the relationship. Which results in her being cut off from family or her father disowning her because she's with a non White. I want to here her side of the relationship. It might be gold and glitter for him. But if her father doesn't like you (boyfriend or husband) and she hasn't seen her family in years. Something isn't right and it's unfair.

    • Smdh

      I'm mixed and I actually experienced more racism from the black side of my family than the white side. Yes, my white grandparents had a few issues with their daughter marrying a black man early on, but they quickly set that aside & accepted me as their grandchild. It was my black grandparents that were too close-minded to have a white daughter-in-law and half white granddaughter and for that reason I have never had a relationship with my father's side of the family.

  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

    "The different is THEY don't. Black people's biggest problem is that we can't keep our f**king business to ourselves."

    @Meech Lynn……BRAVO SISTER!

  • https://www.facebook.com/MeechesPeaches Meech Lynn

    Korey, this happens all the time to me. Black men make an actual EFFORT to make sure I realize they're disinterested, and a lot of times disgusted. Then I show up with my white husband and suddenly I have their undivided attention. Suddenly they need to know what I'm all about. No interest before. So my guess is that these are the black men who want what white men have. This is a situation far more about White Men and what they perceive White Men as having, than it is about Black Women. People will never tell you the truth about things of this nature, but they will SHOW you, without realizing it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    I can totally understand if a BM with a good head on his shoulders says that he's disappointed in BW and what SOME of us have become. As a BW, I have seen things that I'm not proud of. :-( I can admit that!!

    Fellas if the only BW you know or associate with are ghetto, then shame on you!! That just goes to show how ghetto you are and your willingness to gravitate towards ghetto women. No one is perfect but I personally know BW that are good enough to get to know and even marry. You can bring them home and be proud of them!!

    Now, the BM with the dreads had an opportunity to show his character and he took that opportunity to disrespect the BW in the red dress. Why? What did she say or do to make him believe that was ok?

    The bottom line is: Look at the character of the man making these claims against BW. Most of them are not worthy of any woman.

  • jonnie

    most white men abuse their black women anyway.

    • https://www.facebook.com/MeechesPeaches Meech Lynn

      huh? I've never been abused by a white man.

      I bet you've never assumed anything bad about white on white relationships, have you? Dismissed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    Cheers to you!!!

  • Halima

    Everyone including black men can date whoever they want to date but this black woman bashing has gotten out of a hand a long time ago. I don’t even know why black women would go on that show. Let these bitter bm do as they please. Bw need o stop chasing after them making it seem like they are our only option. I have dated and currently dating a non black man and I have yet come across one that says half the things some black men say about black women.

    • CRAIG

      The HILARIOUS part about this is neither you, nor Evia, can see the forest for the trees. Let me put this way: Interracial dating/marriage, as far as you're concerned, can't happen unless black women are dragging black men through the mud. Still, if it makes you feel better, while there are DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR black men, there are just as many DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR black women.

      If you're the wrong Halima, which I doubt, then I apologize for everything I just said, but if ARE the Halima I'm speaking of, you can kiss my BLACK ASS.

  • http://www.recessionproofmarriage.blogspot.com MarriageBlog4u

    Just watched both episodes and still confused. The reality is that black women and men will always have 'issues'. Why? Because as a culture we are disconnected and when you bring that into a relationship it simply will not work. All of these women want to marry black men but the [understandable] anger and hurt prevents black men from viewing them as marriage material. ALL men of all ethnic backgrounds tend to be attracted to women that exhibit a calm and loving temperament and the women on this show today did not show that quality. THAT is why they have a hard time finding a man. Visit: http://www.recessionproofmarriage.blogspot.com

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      Yes I believe we need to first address and resolve the issues we have in our black community before we can move to the next stage of addressing issues with BM/BW, dating, relationships etc….as long as we continue to behave in such a manner it will always keep us divided as a group. Furthermore as human beings we need to stop disrepecting each other and presenting it to the world to see. This behavior attracts the undesirables who believe in the "conquer and divide" mentality. The Dr. Drew show is just and example of that.

      Again, date who you want to date and love who you want to love but I just say do it for the right reasons. Furthermore if you do not choose to date outside of your race that is cool too. Every individual need to decide what path is right for them. I just say have the right attitude and be in the right state of mind when doing it. Clearly there are many people who are not.

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