Do You Allow A Friend To Make Mistakes Or Slap Some Sense Into Her?
Picture this: Your friend, heartbroken and drowning in her tears, calls you about a man she recently met at a bar. She tells you everything went well — at first.
They were talking until the wee hours of the morning, whispering sweet nothings on the phone, and spinning in a whirlwind of passion and chemistry. But then, she tells you that a few days after meeting him, the guy asked her to send him a selfie – he doesn’t quite remember what she looked like.
She snaps a photo, sends it, and waits.
Five minutes pass, no answer.
Thirty minutes pass, silence.
Two hours pass, a tumbleweed rolls by.
Finally, she texts him: “Well? What do you think?”
“Um,” he replies. “Now don’t get me wrong – you’re incredible to talk to, we have amazing conversations, and you’re super smart, but…”
“But what?” She asks anxiously.
“I remembered you being much, much cuter. I must have had my beer goggles on. Sorry, not interested.”
Now, at this point, you, as the friend, console your broken-hearted bestie, reminding her that she’s hot AF, and that this guy is out of his damn mind if he can’t see that. As she tears up on your shoulders, you tell her that there are plenty of other men to go around who will see her for the true beauty she is and that the only answer here is move on.
A few weeks later, after the tearful spectacle she put on, she tells you that she’s back in ol’ boy’s arms and having sex with him.
This, by the way, is a true story. Which is why I find myself asking, what do you do when your friend is f-cking up? Literally. Do you try to slap some sense into her or do you hold your tongue and let her be?
Some of you may say that you’d speak up and shake your friend back down to reality, but me? I’m not going to do or say a damn thing.
If there’s anything us women should have learned during our years of listening to our girlfriends b-tch, whine, and moan about some “aint-sh-t” dude, it’s that they secretly – deep, deep down inside – revel and bask in all the boy drama, and will go crawling right back into the lion’s den. And there’s not a damn thing we could do or say to stop it – no matter how much we scream, holler, and stomp. Many of them will figuratively chase that treacherous tornado or run back inside that crumbling, burning building.
There’s only one thing that will bring them back down to reality town, and that’s what most people call the “sh-t hits the fan” moment.
In this particular scenario, said moment is when, after having sex with the guy, my friend realized that he was starting to go ghost on her. He was screening her calls, ignoring her texts – all signs of someone using the oh-so-popular disappearing act many people pull to stealthily say, “I’m not interested.”
Now even though my friend was told, to her face, that the guy she’s sleeping with wasn’t interested – and even after I suggested that she move on – her heart still wanted to see some glimmer of hope.
From my perspective, going back into the arms of a guy who was brutally honest about not being into her anymore, is a train wreck waiting to happen. There’s no way in hell that this could end well. She, on the other hand, saw some light at the end of the tunnel that not even Iyanla could dim if she tried to beat some common sense into her.
If my friend wants to reach out and stick her hands into the fire, I’m going to let her. A good ol’ sizzle of unbearable heat to yank her fingers out of the flames is exactly what she needs. But if I grab her hand and stop her from burning herself, it’ll only work for a while – until curiosity gets the best of her and she sticks her hands right back in when I’m not looking.
So why bother? Eventually sh-t will hit the fan, so I’ll just shake my head disapprovingly for now until that fire reminds her that it’s not to be played with.
How do you handle a situation where your friend is going down the wrong path? Do you stop her from making the mistake or let her be?
Kimberly Gedeon is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You can follow her on Instagram @kimmiexsweetie.