I Am Amber Cole’s Father: Blog Post Raises New Storm

October 26th, 2011 - By Alexis Garrett Stodghill

I Am Amber Cole's Father

Popular women’s blog Jezebel has republished a blog post in its entirety with the title, “I Am Amber Cole’s Father,” which is already causing a controversy. Amber Cole, in case you missed this sad event, is a 14-year-old African-American girl who was tricked into performing oral sex on her ex-boyfriend while his friends recorded it. This video was then distributed millions of times in what is being called the largest act of child pornography distribution in history. But instead of the distributors being the “pervs” one would normally associate with such despicable acts, the perpetrators were our own friends, lovers, boyfriends, and co-workers who shared the video over their own personal social networks. And while this explicit image of a young black woman was rapaciously consumed by online audiences, our community leaders ignored what would have likely been a national controversy had the victim been white.

Madame Noire was one of the first major media outlets to stick up for this girl. Our scathing essay calling out the lack of support for Amber was then republished on Jezebel.com as well, bringing her story to a wider audience of women who needed to be aware of Amber’s abuse. Now that Amber’s perpetrators have been arrested, her story has become a widespread Internet meme with its own life. The tale of aggression against her in the form of media rape raises questions about who is truly responsible for her, and web denizens are eager to answer.

Some see her as being in the wrong for her actions. Others blame the boys. Some the parents. But in the essay “I Am Amber Cole’s Father” the author explores explicitly the role Amber’s father could and should have played in protecting her, because he is a man. On Jezebel.com, this is causing quite a stir.

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  • Jess

    If there was no video camera filming these actions, she would still be giving that boy head, and he and his friends would not be in jail. This stuff has been going on between young people since time began and will continue to.  The only reason for everyone’s so-called “outrage” is because it was caught on tape, and they feel sorry for the girl because she was “in love”. It was a terrible thing to do to anyone, but all involved made their choice. 

  • Jaye

    Now the writer of this story just pissed me off a little bit…. This is NOT A WOMAN, Not yet, this is still a child and YES A CHILD SHOULD STILL HAVE THE PROTECTION OF THEIR PARENTS. Sometimes I feel these so called feminists, (and yes this is coming from an independent woman growing up in a household where my mother held her own after my father died in my youth) neglect all common sense just for the sake of proving their stance. I don't know who Jimi Izreal is nor do I even know about the writer of this post, but to disagree that this 14 year old child doesn't need the nurturing care and guidance from her father or a father figure is ludicrous. This child definitely acted from a stance of desiring male attention, and this so called ex boyfriend was the easiest way for this child to get it. I love MadameNoire but I swear some of your bloggers are whiners and/ or shallow thinkers.

  • Pingback: Hater of the Day, Again: Jimi Izreal « Angry Black Woman Watch

  • Jennie

    This is why Black women have a difficult time fully embracing the feminist movement. Race is still a very powerful dividing line. When white women aren't held up as the standard of womanhood, then they can come talk to me about patriarchy.
    As ZNH wrote, Black women are de mule uh de world. We have so much on our backs including feeling rejected and abandoned by our men. White women don't really have that dynamic. They may not feel as supported, but they can not deny that society says they are to be desired and wanted.
    Young Black women without dads in their lives suffer under this notion and seek approval from young Black males eager to prove their worth in any way possible. It is very important to our community for Black men to speak out against violence, abuse, and disrespect of Black women. It lets women know that ALL Black men aren't out to hurt them and in fact have a lot of love for them. It lets men know that it's okay to express love for Black women outside a sexual arena.

    • eshowoman

      Jeanie you do realize that the woman who wrote that quote Zora Neale Hurston was a feminist.

  • it is what it is

    U kno I never really paid this much attention but his letter was great I’m connected to her because at 14 that could have been me weckless naive fresh at 16 I met my match and had a a baby now at 18 I struggle everyday tryin hide my past demons from my daughter id die before I let her be another me or amber this girl has just faced reality she’s livin wit no gudiance my dad was here for me my whole life but he had a whole other family that hurt me my mom was a teacher but she very talked to me she just let me live n learn she didn’t teach me nobody teached me and I’m srry to saybut being a black girl is hard enough not feelin equal pretty enough or not understandin real love so I gave my body out amber just take life one day at a time and the day will come when u find yaself I’m still waitin on me

  • JC86

    I've never read his other works, but when I read this article I took the comment of, "She would listen to her mother, if her mother was nto busy…..I want her mother to spend less time being "empowered" and more time being aware and engaged…." as him saying that some women want to be empowered and independent but also want a husband and a family and don't know how to be wives and mothers. My mother was a career woman and also a mother. I know plenty of women who hold it down in the home and in their careers. But some women today are having children and not being mothers, just like men are having children and not being fathers. I blame the mother and father of Ambe Cole, the parents of those young men, and the whole of the African-American community for our lack of empathy and increased apathy towards our future.

    But I am now more interested to read his other works and see for myself how misogynistic they are.

  • currvalicious

    I loosely followed her case, but from what I tooka away she (Amber Cole) performed the act in order to win her "boyfriend" back. So they more than likely were in a relationship of a sexual nature to begin with. How could she feel so comfortable to perform such an act otherwise. Where was her father when it came to teaching her about self-respect and having self-esteem for herself as a young woman?
    eg

  • kaya

    if amber don’t get charge with anything that my friend would be the biggest double standard for this whole situation. Woman can’t cry for equilibrium if they don’t want their fair share in court too. I can’t understand how anybody would want a person to feel empathy for this YOUNG LADY decision. Not a child whose confuse and was force into something she didn’t know she didn’t had to do to win back her ex love but a YOUNG LADY whose only Shame is that she got caught.

  • Cora

    Excellent article!

  • http://www.interracialdatingcoach.com/ zabeth

    This was not my reading if Izrael’s piece. My reading was that the father side-stepped his responsibility for his daughter’s role in the situation and downplayed the boys actions and instead blamed ALL of the women in his daughter's life. It excused the men of any culpability. That’s what I found to be misogynistic and offensive.

    • liya

      I’m sorry, but I find your lack of research on Jimi to be particularly lazy on your part because it’s not like you had to exert yourself to find links to his prior work. I mean, had you bothered to actually read the comment thread of site you’re critizing (Jezebel) before adding your uninformed two cents, you would have noticed plenty of links and gifs in comments made prior to your's on Jezebel, critiquing Jimi’s previous work. Like Zabeth said, any piece that spends more time blaming women instead of the boys who filmed this girl is not defender her.

      Anyone who wants to read an actual GOOD criticism of Jimi’s article read the Jezebel thread. Then read this
      http://www.amptoons.com/blog/2011/10/26/no-you-ar…

  • Kdry

    Have you read any of Mr. Izrael's writings? Man is a bitter thirsty divorced dude looking to lash out at females every chance he gets. This essay was fine and dandy but read the rest of his shiz. Yuck.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001582801973 Tiffany Song

    Jimi Izrael's article wasn't about men as protectors. Jimi Izrael's point is *never* about men as protectors. His article was not a heart-felt cry of a father – it was the pitiful moan of a man claiming martyr, victimized by the tyranny of the gynocracy.

    The man is a narcissistic misogynist who has serious, serious unresolved issues involving black women. If you can find it for free, I suggest reading some of his book 'The Denzel Principle,' about how black women are responsible for single black parenthood because they refuse to settle for anything less than a fictional Denzel Washington, and his other writings about how black women don't use birth control responsibly.

    There is, in his article, a small, tiny kernel of truth about the conflict between white feminism and feminism for WOC, but digging through the rest of his problematic hate speech is not worth it. We're not so desperate for insightful discourse that we should have to suffer Jimi Izrael.

    Going to him for discussions on race and gender is like shoving your hand into a meat grinder because you want to see how sausage is made. You might find out, but in the end, you've got a bloody mess and you're missing your damn hand. It's a bad idea.

  • 1king

    You clearly have no empathy for this situation and that is real sad. Your daughters will be judged by this young girls actions. That's what you fail to understand that's why it is a big deal. The racist that run this society only see color and your daughters are lumped in and will be no exception to the rule not matter what you taught them. If she's a ho so are you daughters and that is how they will be viewed so that is why you should care. Black people are held to a whole different standard. Just because your daughters haven't been caught on camera doesn't mean they are not doing it. Remember that before you judge so harshly. With an attitude like yours it's no wonder the younger generation is lost.

  • Hmmmmmmm

    My long standing theory is that women are culture. With that said….
    As a black man wo was taught by his mother to love black people I salute the author of this article for making a truly revolutionary gesture in a world filled with pseudos still stuck on the readings from class/ the bookstore.

    You do not have to explain anything you wrote here. The realist thing ever produced on this site.

    • http://www.facebook.com/alexis.stodghill Alexis Garrett Stodghill

      Thank you.

  • June Bug

    Why is everyone making this to be such a 9/11 or hurricane katrina big deal. Didn't no one lose their life, three young boys lost their freedom and a young girl was put on blast for all the world to see. But honestly their way worst things going on in the world.

    This isn't the first or the last time something like this has happen. Little girls been doing this for years even when I was in school. And it is crazy trying to blame and absent father, NEWS FLASH not every young girl that grows up with out a father doesn't end up on a stripper pole and giving BJ in the back of schools. Stop trying to act like this doesn't happen to other races and can't no one controll what the media does. I can't and want take responsibility for what happen to this young girl, the only thing I can do is make sure that my two daughters are taught better.

    • Monica

      oh shut up… i totally understood junebug's message. stop being such an @#$%

    • 1king

      As I said you have no empathy and your remarks on the subject are misguided. The issue is not overblown and the mere fact that you say that whole heartedly screams ignorance. She is responsible to a certain degree but she performed adult acts but she isn't a adult the boys performed adult acts but they are not adults. The problem is why are you so comfortable with that is the bigger question. This shouldnt be common place in yours or anyone elses eyes. Thats the problem with society. As I said your children and mine will also be held accountable for their actions. You need to check yourself and develop love for all and not just yours.

    • Sunshine

      This is a big issue regardless of whether or not it's done everyday because when young girls grow up thinking this stuff is ok, they repeat a cycle of more babies born out of wedlock into broken homes, black women degrading themselves for attention, and young men finding it ok to disrespect black women for fun. . . .