Reasons Why You Only Attract Crazy Men

October 26, 2011  |  
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“Why do I attract the crazy ones?!?” Ever heard a friend say that? Ever been the one saying that? If so, then you probably regularly have one or a few men texting you who you are delicately trying to give the hint to…go the hell away. Or you have embarrassing displays of gifts arriving at your home or office. Or you’ve had to even block a few phone numbers and email addresses in your day. It can become a nuisance. Here’s why it happens.

You pity the awkward

At parties, the one guy sitting alone at the bar, or sitting in the corner while everyone is dancing—you go talk to him and ask him to dance. You are sweet. And obviously, this guy doesn’t often have women (or anyone) be sweet to him often. Sorry to say but if you’re the one to give him an inch of kindness, he will take a mile of your sanity. He will pursue you because he has pinned all his hopes of having anyone be nice to him, on you. And you don’t want to reject him like everyone else does, so the guilt eats you up when you do.

You want to save someone

The guy who is depressed, has just lost his job, or even a loved one. You have a maternal instinct to fix him—to take away his pain. But honestly, it’s his actual mother who should be doing this. When a man is going through something life changing like a job loss or the loss of loved one, that is not the time for him to get into a relationship. Your responsibilities will be too large. Only two whole, stable people should start a relationship. If you get involved with a man who isn’t whole, you won’t be whole by the end. He will drain you.

You want to prove that women mean well

So you are drawn to men who have had their heart torn to smithereens. But you will learn quickly that A) he has just become completely paranoid and suspicious of women and will read “unfaithful” into your every word and action or B) he is still just not over the ex. A rebound is a rebound is a rebound. And that’s you in this case. No matter how much he hates his ex—because hate is just another form of still loving someone.

You date artists

I’ll get some grief for this one. I know I shouldn’t stereotype but…men have evolved to want to protect. They are pragmatic by nature. Being a painter or photographer isn’t necessarily a pragmatic job. These guys are often passionate and impulsive (which is exciting!) but “normal” life is too boring for them. They disdain the suited entrepreneur. They disdain stiff work events. But those are a part of normal life. You need a guy who can handle normal life, too.

You only date online

Don’t get me wrong—there are some great people online. But, people can cover up a lot about themselves online. That profile pic could be from 5 years ago. And that occupation of “sales” could mean he works at a sex shop. Or at McDonalds. And he might be one of the ones who is online not because he works so hard and has no time to date, and not because he has such a high profile job that he needs to screen for gold diggers, but because no one in real life will date him.

You crave the celebrity

This doesn’t necessarily mean you go after Johnny Depp. But you like a man who has that celebrity presence. Maybe you like restaurant or shop owners—someone who is bowed down to daily and has his own small empire. Yes, the confidence is attractive, but these men are often used to controlling everything. That will include you.

You’re crazy

Not crazy, per say. But you’re weak right now. You’re figuring your life out. You just went through a breakup or you just lost your job. In the same way a broken man shouldn’t get into a relationship, neither should a broken woman. The basics to a whole woman are A) solid group of friends B) stable career or at least established goals C) time elapsed since last breakup/traumatic event. If you don’t fit all of these, men will see that. And the men who are looking to save you will come around. And they are usually either controlling—they like a weak woman—or they are broken themselves and attracted to that in you.

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  • Karielle Cyrus

    My first and only boyfriend and I have been together for years. I’ve also figured out that I attract crazy, but I think it’s ok because I really like crazy. You just have to find someone that you can tolerate their crazy and even through their crazy you can still see why you liked them in the first place.

  • umno

    no i dont want to save anybody!!!!!!

  • The Truth

    that certainly goes both ways for us men too that attract the craziest women when i had a woman that i only knew for about a month that came to my job to give me a red rose, but thank God i wasn’t there to receive it since i really didn’t like her at all. and many of us good men just can’t seem to meet the right woman, and i do feel very sorry for many of the women that are going through the same thing too. Sucks, Doesn’t It?

  • Kristen

    These are good points but of course not all of them are 100% true 100% of the time. I’m an artist (musician) but outside of performing I like simple, quiet and no drama. I’m an introvert and my spontaneous moments have to be planned lol. Wild and crazy relationships are not my forte (pun intended).

    “If you get involved with a man who isn’t whole, you won’t be whole by
    the end. He will drain you.”

    This, is true. Most of the time the other person is NOT going to tell you that they aren’t whole. They don’t want to admit that they don’t have it together. So hiding it under a relationship happens a lot and when things get serious and time invested, that’s when things explode. Admit to yourself when you aren’t whole. It wastes times and creates stress for no reason.

  • tori

    Great article! Thanks for this!

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  • JTL

    You could have saved people a lot of clicks by putting last as the first. If you're attracting crazies, guess what? You're probably crazy too.

    • geemoenettie


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  • SoTrue

    Honestly MN, I have FOUR crazy men in my life right now – smh!!

    Please write an article on how to get rid of them!!

  • homie

    I've always been fond of crazy men, all my life. If there is 9 sane men and
    one crazy I'll zoom in on the crazy.

  • i am she

    this is a great article. I've recently gone through some traumatic events and wonder why, in the last few months, I've had nothing but weirdos approach me.

    You attract what you are inside – is true.

  • browngirl411

    OMG! Why is this my life in a nutshell. I was just on an online dating site earlier today. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm recently unemployed. I'm putting on the brakes! I need to chill and get it together. Thanks for the wake up call. SMDH!

  • RenJennM

    I agree that I have ironically attracted more men when I've felt unattractive or insecure as opposed to when I've felt confident and beautiful. I guess that would explain why most of them have been crazy or f***ed up… because I was f***ed up smfh so sad

  • Miss Charlie

    Must admit.. I'm hooked on the crazy ones. Crazy to the point where they HAVE to take medication. When they love, they love hard.. and maybe that's what I'm hooked on.

    • lol


    • Ella

      that is so so true! Im happily stuck with one. And they’re so terribly loyal

    • Ella

      that is so so true! Im happily stuck with one. And they’re so terribly loyal

  • Sacred soul

    A couple of these is just no feasible. The artist does not have to be the "mundane" conformist dude, which is why he is an ARTIST. I found the comments on this type of guy just wrong. I know you said that you get flack from that one but an artist is not crazy. He's a different kind of guy. So, if he doesn't wish to do the suit, the butt kissing, he doesn't have too.

    Also, the "celebrity" guy…. what is wrong with a man who has his A game together. If I have my A game together than the both us can build an empire. Men who give off this kind of achievement have the right to know what they want and what kind of woman they want, he's worked hard and should be cautious. I do not find this type of man crazy either.

    I like your posts… don't get me wrong but those two I didn't see the "crazy" aspect nor the negativity.

    • Tara

      I disagree. I've dated a few artists. They are controlling. They also hate mundane life so they can't even mentally deal with the day to day basics of life…

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