6 Occasions When It’s Okay To Be Mean To Your Man

October 25, 2011  |  

"Couple fighting"

Terms of endearment. Baby talk. Nicknames. These are all such sweet things to have in a relationship. But a relationship cannot survive on sweetness alone. Have you ever overheard a couple arguing—really being completely blunt with one another—and thought, “they must not have a good relationship.” Not necessarily so. If you’re both comfortable with and aware of your little quirks and flaws, then there are times when it is beneficial to the relationship to point them out to one another! Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t want to ask for what they want. They think that there shouldn’t be head bumping in a relationship—that there should never be terse words or name calling. That a relationship with those dynamics is flawed. And so, to avoid further tension, when their man is acting in a way they don’t like, they silently swallow their thoughts, sulk away and just feel sad that they aren’t on the same  wavelength as their man at all times.

They don’t want to be the couple arguing the elevator. But you know what? That couple is healthier than the one that walks on eggshells for one another. And the truth is, most men like to be called out on their BS. They usually know they are about to be anyways… Here are some common instances in which women and men bump heads, and that’s 100% alright.

"Man playing video games"

He is acting like a child

He doesn’t want to go to that event you bought tickets for or party you RSVP’d plus one for months ago. He wants to play video games instead. He wants to watch the games he Tivo’d this week. And he is saying it all with a childish “I know what I’m doing is wrong” grin on his face. Grab the remote. Turn off all gaming systems and screens. Tell him to go get ready right now and that he is being a completely immature, insensitive enter expletive here. Trust me, it will come as no surprise to him.

"Man watching TV"

He isn’t helping out

You bring him to your parent’s house for dinner, he never offers to help. He is watching TV while you’re preparing appetizers. He’s still on the sofa when you’re washing dishes. Tell him that it is embarrassing for you to have your parents see this—that it says to them that he cares little about making your life easier — not only at this dinner, but at all times. Is that what he wants? You know you don’t.

"Best friends"

He is dismissive of your friends

Any time you bring a new friend around your guy, he should be asking her questions about herself. He should be engaging her. Some have the mindset of “not my friend, not my responsibility” and think they can just give a dismissive wave from the couch and their job is done. Your man might be smart, funny and kind. But your friends will think he is not interested in your life if he doesn’t speak to them, because they are a part of your life. Tell him that he comes off as rude and brain dead by not speaking up cordially to your bffs.

African American Frustrated Woman

He treats your job like a hobby

If your man thinks that what you’re trying to do—start a company, write a book, recruit volunteers for a breast cancer walk—isn’t serious, then he can be with someone else. Honestly, no matter how hard a guy may try to show an interest in, well, your interests, if he thinks it’s just something “cute” that you’re doing to pass the time, you’re going to feel that. He can’t hide it. And it is going to drain you of the energy and confidence you need to pursue your passions. Tell your man he can either learn to genuinely love what it is that you’re giving hours of your day and mental energy to, or to be with someone whose interests he actually cares about. It will either bring you closer together or break what was bound to be broken anyway.

"Angry Couple"

It’s his way or… you’re staying home

Men can be very set in their ways. They have three restaurants they’ll go to, two bars and only one genre of movies. This is a dramatization (for some), but men can easily get in the mentality of “why should we try that restaurant you read about. Let’s just go to what I’ve already approved of.”  He doesn’t want to broadcast this message, but he is sending this message: “I have better taste than you do. Let’s just rely on mine.” Let him know that’s what it says to you when he shuts down your ideas. And that there are plenty of men out there willing to explore the world (or at least your town) with you if he is not… Does he really want to drive you off, all to avoid maybe having a bad meal?

"Guys drinking beer and watching TV"

He pretends to be your boss in front of his friends

Unfortunately, sometimes it does matter who “started it.” Men sometimes feel they have something to prove in front of their friends. And even though they don’t mean it, they will start making “little woman” jokes. They will start asking you to do little tasks for them in front of their friends, to show “look what I can get my woman to do for me.” That’s when you tell him and his friends you ordered a pizza for them. When you didn’t actually. And you leave the house with his wallet. Like I said. He started it…

This is just one option to take when your man gets out of pocket. But the theme is the same. Don’t take his crap if he seems to be getting selfish and lazy. You can do it without being a nag. But if you don’t speak up, it might create a downward slope that leaves you inwardly fuming… and that can’t end good. Take control and speak out to keep your man on point! Do you agree?

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  • Karyna

    My boyfriend always mean to me n I dnt know why Idk if I should be wit him or not I need help in this relationship plz help

  • LBK

    I was definitely irritated by the tone of this article and its contemptuous attitude toward men.  The author sounds like either a man-hating feminist shrike or a submissive male who enjoys being dominated by women.  The advice is nonsense and will be fatal to any relationship other than one where the man is a complete wimp.  If you want to drive a man away, just adopt the attitude of this author. 

  • Cara-mello77

    ok, this site is full of shyt. when is it ok to ever be mean to a female? Never or he’s a no good man. and that friends thing is SO hypocritically fcukery. you know damn well if a brotha is talking up his girl’s friends thoughts are gonna start running through her rabbit azz head.

  • Cantheman1

    This article is ridiculous.  I was real curious to see when women thought it was ok to be mean purposely.  Other than belittling her job I vehemently disagreed with everything said in the series.  The woman conceives and makes the whole plan, and when he doesn’t want to go he’s being a child?  How about choosing an activity that both of you want to go to, and that you have decided on together?  As a man I’m supposed to entertain your friends?  Did I invite them?  And when my friends come over are you supposed to act the same?  Your man gets “out of pocket”.  Who’s pocket?  I guess the woman’s.  Ridiculous.  Those that are following this advice I have some parting advice for you:  Good luck.

    • Cantheman1

      “And the truth is, most men like to be called out on their BS. They usually know they are about to be anyways… ”  WRONG.  maybe I made the mistake of thinking I was dating an adult my own age, not a surrogate mother.  Guess I was wrong about that.

  • Truethat

    Yeah, I agree with Shamika. I don’t think it is ever productive to be mean, rude, or look down upon your partner, ever, ever, ever. Whoever believes that fighting is a cure for a better relationship has their thinking backasswards. A healthy debate, on the other hand, with one person playing part of listener, and the other as speaker, and switching roles to work out eachothers differences, or better yet, exchanging notes. I wish I had these tips before my marriage crumbled, but exchanging notes is the best bet, however silly it may sound. You get to think about your thoughts, before you blurt out something you may regret.

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  • Kelly

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  • Jennie

    Can I add pregnancy as the 7th time it's okay to be mean to your man? Sheesh, sometimes the way he breathes is enough to set me off. LOL! And 10 minutes later I will not have any idea why I snapped.

    • Chocolate Bunny

      Pretty sure you "let" him get you pregnant sweetie. Don't be mean to him cause y'all don't believe in birth control lmao!!!

      • Really?!?

        Ummm it's 100% natural for pregnant women to be irritable, but I like how u just assumed her pregnancy was a mistake w/ your basic a** ugh I can't stand ignant ppl

    • Cantheman1

      And thats ok because…

  • Drea

    As much as these things that were mentioned in the article may irritate you or piss you off, that’s no reason to be mean-that’s not any better than what he’s doing. If your man is doing or saying something that you don’t like, grow up, use your words, and let him know what’s bothering you!

    • Cantheman1

      Excellent point.

  • t_99

    Sorry for thre typo….rather than be MEAN. Besides, getting mad is a waste of energy.

  • t_99

    Relationships are about give and take. Rather than be meal, just don't date a dude like this.

  • Kia

    OMG at first I looked at the title and thought this was going to be stupid but I actually agree..AND learned some things to look out for (haha sneaking out with his wallet is funny). I like I like!! 🙂

    • Cantheman1

      sneak out with my wallet and get met by the police on the way home…

  • IllyPhilly

    Now when ya man asks questions about you're friends, he wants to do her, when he's not, he's being rude! WTF Madame!? Make up your minds!

    • CiCi

      That is so true,why would any female want there man,husband,boyfriend asking questions and getting to know there friends like that,that only means one thing he has an agenda and it is not good.

      • numero

        Not always the case, but it does warrant suspicion. This is hard because you generally want the a woman friends to at least like you to some extent. Hi is always good, after that you should wait for them to speak.

    • Candy

      It's ore of a 'when you bring a new friend around, your husband should make sure she's the type of woman he thinks is good enough for his wife.' If he's not the least bit interested in who you spend tie with, that's not good. After he's vetted her, he can stay away from her.