6 Occasions When It’s Okay To Be Mean To Your Man

October 25, 2011  |  
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Terms of endearment. Baby talk. Nicknames. These are all such sweet things to have in a relationship. But a relationship cannot survive on sweetness alone. Have you ever overheard a couple arguing—really being completely blunt with one another—and thought, “they must not have a good relationship.” Not necessarily so. If you’re both comfortable with and aware of your little quirks and flaws, then there are times when it is beneficial to the relationship to point them out to one another! Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t want to ask for what they want. They think that there shouldn’t be head bumping in a relationship—that there should never be terse words or name calling. That a relationship with those dynamics is flawed. And so, to avoid further tension, when their man is acting in a way they don’t like, they silently swallow their thoughts, sulk away and just feel sad that they aren’t on the same  wavelength as their man at all times.

They don’t want to be the couple arguing the elevator. But you know what? That couple is healthier than the one that walks on eggshells for one another. And the truth is, most men like to be called out on their BS. They usually know they are about to be anyways… Here are some common instances in which women and men bump heads, and that’s 100% alright.

He is acting like a child

He doesn’t want to go to that event you bought tickets for or party you RSVP’d plus one for months ago. He wants to play video games instead. He wants to watch the games he Tivo’d this week. And he is saying it all with a childish “I know what I’m doing is wrong” grin on his face. Grab the remote. Turn off all gaming systems and screens. Tell him to go get ready right now and that he is being a completely immature, insensitive enter expletive here. Trust me, it will come as no surprise to him.

He isn’t helping out

You bring him to your parent’s house for dinner, he never offers to help. He is watching TV while you’re preparing appetizers. He’s still on the sofa when you’re washing dishes. Tell him that it is embarrassing for you to have your parents see this—that it says to them that he cares little about making your life easier — not only at this dinner, but at all times. Is that what he wants? You know you don’t.

He is dismissive of your friends

Any time you bring a new friend around your guy, he should be asking her questions about herself. He should be engaging her. Some have the mindset of “not my friend, not my responsibility” and think they can just give a dismissive wave from the couch and their job is done. Your man might be smart, funny and kind. But your friends will think he is not interested in your life if he doesn’t speak to them, because they are a part of your life. Tell him that he comes off as rude and brain dead by not speaking up cordially to your bffs.

He treats your job like a hobby

If your man thinks that what you’re trying to do—start a company, write a book, recruit volunteers for a breast cancer walk—isn’t serious, then he can be with someone else. Honestly, no matter how hard a guy may try to show an interest in, well, your interests, if he thinks it’s just something “cute” that you’re doing to pass the time, you’re going to feel that. He can’t hide it. And it is going to drain you of the energy and confidence you need to pursue your passions. Tell your man he can either learn to genuinely love what it is that you’re giving hours of your day and mental energy to, or to be with someone whose interests he actually cares about. It will either bring you closer together or break what was bound to be broken anyway.

It’s his way or… you’re staying home

Men can be very set in their ways. They have three restaurants they’ll go to, two bars and only one genre of movies. This is a dramatization (for some), but men can easily get in the mentality of “why should we try that restaurant you read about. Let’s just go to what I’ve already approved of.”  He doesn’t want to broadcast this message, but he is sending this message: “I have better taste than you do. Let’s just rely on mine.” Let him know that’s what it says to you when he shuts down your ideas. And that there are plenty of men out there willing to explore the world (or at least your town) with you if he is not… Does he really want to drive you off, all to avoid maybe having a bad meal?

He pretends to be your boss in front of his friends

Unfortunately, sometimes it does matter who “started it.” Men sometimes feel they have something to prove in front of their friends. And even though they don’t mean it, they will start making “little woman” jokes. They will start asking you to do little tasks for them in front of their friends, to show “look what I can get my woman to do for me.” That’s when you tell him and his friends you ordered a pizza for them. When you didn’t actually. And you leave the house with his wallet. Like I said. He started it…

This is just one option to take when your man gets out of pocket. But the theme is the same. Don’t take his crap if he seems to be getting selfish and lazy. You can do it without being a nag. But if you don’t speak up, it might create a downward slope that leaves you inwardly fuming… and that can’t end good. Take control and speak out to keep your man on point! Do you agree?

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